and the problem is..........?

Pt: I have this terrible cough.

Nurse: How long have you had it?

Pt: About 4 weeks.

Nurse: Have you called your doctor?

Pt: No.

Nurse: Why not?

Pt: Because I know I couldn't get in anyways.

Nurse: ave you tried any over the counter or home remedies to help?

Pt: No. Didn't think they would work.

Nurse; So you would like use to fix this cough that you have had for 4 weeks tonight?

Pt: Yes......

Nurse: I'll be right back with my wand and fairy dust...........

I think we are taking care of the same people...

They are just travelling form state to state...

Torturing ER nurses across the land.

:roll :roll :roll

Pam

I asked a woman the other day why she had not given her child anything for the child's fever. Her reply? She didn't want to give her child any medication since she didn't know what was wrong with the child! And she looked at ME like I was the dumbs#$@ for even asking her the question!

Talk about shallow end of the gene pool!

Pam

I asked an obviously well-to-do(well dressed, address in the "best" part of town,professional) father if he had given his 3 year old son any Tylenol.(Child's temp is 105) The father tells me,"Well I tried, but he told me he didn't want it." I explained to him that many,many times children don't want to take thier meds, but they have to anyway. The father said in a horrified voice,"You mean FORCE him to take it?

Last night I think every child in our town conspired not to poop. I fielded 4 calls on constipated kids, two had just not gone in the last few hours. Parents decided at 2am this was something to be concerned about and we could tell them what to give or run out and buy to use. I told them to leave the kids alone as long as they were eating and drinking they would poop. Poor kids...

Had a patient one time inform me that he was allergic to Lortab 5 but her could take Lortab 7.5.

Originally posted by dawnrsanrn

Pt: I have this terrible cough.

Nurse: How long have you had it?

Pt: About 4 weeks.

Nurse: Have you called your doctor?

Pt: No.

Nurse: Why not?

Pt: Because I know I couldn't get in anyways.

Nurse: ave you tried any over the counter or home remedies to help?

Pt: No. Didn't think they would work.

Nurse; So you would like use to fix this cough that you have had for 4 weeks tonight?

Pt: Yes......

Nurse: I'll be right back with my wand and fairy dust...........

Got any spare wands and fairy dust to send to your fellow nurses in Illinois??!!

We are fresh out!!!

:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

A neighbor was telling me how upsetting it is to have a full hyserectomy because you are considered a man afterward. They actually change your sex on your chart from "female" to "male".

Uh huh...it's true...she SAW IT!!!!!!

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Kinda like another neighbor who insisted that hamsters spontaneously change sex from male to female.

RN- do you have a heart condition or any problems with your heart???

Patient- No

RN- have you ever had any serious medical condition or surgery?

Patient- No

RN (upon assessment) I see you have a scar here, is this a pacemaker?

Patient- yes, I got that pacemaker after my bypass surgery and before I had the stroke!!

actual conversation, I swear:D

Originally posted by veetach

RN- do you have a heart condition or any problems with your heart???

Patient- No

RN- have you ever had any serious medical condition or surgery?

Patient- No

RN (upon assessment) I see you have a scar here, is this a pacemaker?

Patient- yes, I got that pacemaker after my bypass surgery and before I had the stroke!!

actual conversation, I swear:D

Yea...

Well his long lost cousin lives in Illinois...and was in MY ER!!!

:roll :roll :roll

What you are about to hear is true.... just the facts mam'.

girl comes into the er for uti like complaints. first urine is a dirty specimine according to the doc so he orders a straight mini cath.

i go in to the girls room and explain the proceedure. she gets that deer in headlights look and says, "but i have my period." and i say "yea, that is fine we can still do it."

then she starts to cry and says "you don't understand. i have a tampon in and i don't want to take it out for this test." i asked her "well, in that case, how do you pee with your period?" another dumb founded look.

well, i left the room and after i stopped laughing, i went in to explain. i literally had to draw her a picture on the sheet to show her the anatomy and that she could indeed leave her tampon in and i could still get the specimine.

:roll :eek:

I am trying very hard to be more patient with patients. I am trying not to get annoyed when people come in and tell me, "You need to check him for strep and give him an antibiotic." rather than, "He has a fever and a sore throat." I am trying very hard not to get annoyed or laugh at people who come screeching into the ER screaming hysterically for help when they simply have a cold or a small laceration...with that said...

Saturday, we had a quiet moment in the ER when a lady came in dragging her 11 year old son by the collar of his shirt. Even though we were sitting right there, she started banging on the counter with one hand and dinging the bell like a maniac. We thought someone was fixing to die. "What can we help you with?" we asked. "He couldn't find his shoes!" she yells back. I looked at the boy's feet and saw one shoe on each foot..."I'm confused," I said. "He couldn't find his shoes, so I chewed his *** and he started crying and getting all upset. He cried so hard he quit breathing and now I want him checked out." The boy is now in the waiting room climbing over the chairs, laughing, and throwing Legos...so of course, we got him checked in... Lungs were clear, resp rate 20, SpO2 100% with a pulse rate of 84. No apparent distress. Mother wanted a chest x-ray, doctor told her, "No." Discharge instructions were, "Home to clean room. Put shoes in the same spot every time you take them off. Behave yourself. Warm soaks in soapy water once daily." (Everyone in the family needed a bath). Two hours later, we get a call from a hospital in a town about 60 miles from here wanting to know what was going on...mother took the kid there becasue he needed a chest x-ray! Sigh...