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Discussion

is this odd

here is the situation, I am a new PNP grad was unable to find a job in my hometown, so i live 90 miles away and rather than commute i have a apt near where i work, I am married have been for 28 years, both my husband and i knew that it would take some getting used to me being gone during the week, but it is working out great for the most part. but one dr in the clinic seems to bring the matter up that i live here during the week, and makes comments to the effect that i pretty much sequester my self during the week and such, as a matter of fact i keep busy in my off time i read, i have a social life out of work, and am thinking of going back for my MPH on line, my husband is prior military and traveled alot then, and still does so i need a nice comeback that wont jepordize our work relationship

:lol2:

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    • Experts

    My husband and I do this too: he lives 165 miles from me and has a condo there while I stay in the house. We've been doing this for 2 years now and like you, we've been married for 30 years and its okay. Not great, but okay and doable.

    My husband is also retired military and we are both pretty independent so it works.

    I don't discuss our living arrangements at work (though the other mid-levels know about it) and no one ever comments on it.

    As to nice comebacks, I'm pretty sarcastic so I would say: "try it, you might like it."

    The other option is to just change the subject gently and then ignore the comments.

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    My parents who have been married 36 years do this. My dad is a physician and his job is 45 minutes away from my mom. He has a small house that he stays at during the week and my mom stays at the main house. The hospital that my dad is at (which he LOVES) is in the middle of nowhere and my mom hates the area. So they compromise and it works. They text each other throughout the day and call each other several times a day and it works fine for them. They were married when my Dad was doing his residency so she is used to him being out of the house.

    As far as your coworkers, your living situation is really not their business... I like Trauma's response if they ask you about it. You know your marriage is fine, that is the only thing that is important.

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    • Experts

    45 minutes and they live separately? Hmm....I commute an hour to work as it is but in a different direction from my hubby.

    However, if it works for them, who's to question it?

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    • Admin

    Is this odd? No.

    I've done it for 10 years. 2 hours one way to work. After long days at work, then driving home late only to do it all over again the next day, I decided to stop the commute and stay in the town I worked. It works for my husband and me w/o any problems. We adjusted.

    As for comments from the physician, he/she is way out of line. Not any of his/her business. If anything, that is the oddity about the whole thing, not you.

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    • Author

    i know the other person in the practice is a DO real down to earth and finds it interesting on how we make it work, she does not think it is odd at all, i have told her about how i thought nothing of hitting the road and driving 1/2 away across the country with my 2 kids and leaving hubby at home, when i could afforded to fly, her relpy was wow alot of women wont even drive to the next state, i have always been a bit eccentric and maybe this md thinks i should be more normal what ever that is, i heard him talking this morning how he and his wife swaddled thier children untill they were like 8 months old so they would sleep all night, now that i find odd:yeah:the baby that is

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    • Experts

    If it works for you, that's all that matters and it's nobody else's business.

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    • Experts

    I just moved to the states and my wife has another year in Bangkok. How's that for being apart, lol?

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    • Author

    that is a heck of a commute. i want to thank everyone for the responses. yes if it works who is to question it and actually it is not anyones business what my living arrangements are. It can work if you want it to. I have always been independent single and married. Sure there are nights that I wish I was home like when I have had a rotten day and just want to cry, but hey that's what the phone and internet is for. as a matter of fact my daughter is a newly wed stationed at Ft Bliss, Tx her husband is at Scott AFB they see each other once every 3 months and my son in law has thanked me and my husband for raising an independent daughter who can do it on her own.:yeah:

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    • Experts

    Yep - us military wives are an independent bunch.

    I'm old school - we were separated before the internet and cell phones - lol.

    When DH was in Greenland, 1985-1986, he moved us from Spain to IL and he went to Greenland. Our sons were 2 months and 5 years old at the time: my mother died during that year, his father died that year, our boys had chickenpox and there was no one to help me out with any of it. Very hard year. We were allowed one phone call a week for 15 minutes and it was routed through Malmstrom AFB in Montana (doubt it even exists now) and it was a MARS station so there was a pause at the end of each sentence and you had to say "over" when you completed a sentence. It was pretty horrid.

    Oh well, we got thru it. There are so many worse things that can happen then being separated by a job situation. We count ourselves lucky to HAVE jobs.

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