Not what I expected.
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:cry:Hi everyone..
I just finished my first complete round of clinical this weekend. And I'm a wreck. First of all, I can already tell by just one day on the floor how easy it is to get burned out in this field. I understand why, as well.
Let me start by saying that I loved the people part. I loved getting to talk to these people who seem to be ignored by so many of the aides/nurses who worked on the wing I was on. I started to cry countless times, but stopped. I was passing a tray to a gentleman who was looking down, not talking. I just explained who I was and tried to make some small talk but he just kept his head down, and tensed up when the regular aide came in. Then, the phone rang and he picked it up. It was like a complete 180. His voice, his ability to hold this regular, everyday conversation did not match the body that I first saw upon entering the room. I shouldn't be suprised, but I was and still am. It was so hard for me. He couldn't trust me enough to talk to me 'on the phone' like he was doing with whoever had called him. And I didn't blame him, because I was wisked out of there by my instructor when I started to go over the alotted time.
She put me in a room with another man who needed to be fed. I fed him, but had a hard time listening to my instructor talking to him as if he were five years old. I know he wasn't ''all there'' but I still couldn't bring myself to call him pet names and coddle him.
I can't lie, it was really hard for me. I'm sure it is for a lot of other people, as well.
I'm just really scared because I've been working towards nursing for so long and I feel like this is going to turn me off...even though I don't want it to. I love the people part, that's the biggest reason I'm doing this.
I hate saying this, but I don't think geriatrics is for me. I feel selfish saying that, but I honestly believe that it takes a very, very, very special person to be able to work with that age group. I don't think I have it. The only problem is, that's mainly what LNA's are used for in my location, and I feel a little stuck.
I want to love nursing. I love the people. I know I'm helping them, but I just don't think I'm cut out for seeing the same people every day and dealing with all of that.
That may sound so selfish and I apologize, that's the farthest thing I'm trying for. I just feel so depressed by the first few days and it's really weighing on me.
I guess I'm looking for suggestions, tips, options, wisdom, help, anything. Anything.
For anyone who read this whole thing, thank you. I truly appreciate it.
Thanks,
Emma