NEED HELP

[siddymae]

Im not sure if I am posting this in the right section and I will try to make this brief but please read the whole story before giving feedback... Thanks!

I went to MA school for a year, graduated and decided to become an LPN while waiting for this program to start I was offered an under the table job taking care of an elderly man who had fallen and was in a nursing home and wanted out. He has a diagnosis of BPH, CHF, and dementia (which he was diagnose with over 15 years go...umm how is that possible?)

Anyway this man is married to a woman who is older than he is. She is 92 he is 86, from day one she has not liked me. She is in way worse shape then him and so I took on the task of taking care of her as well. This was 6 months ago. One morning I came in and found her unconscious. I immediately called 911 and began a routine glucose since he is type 2 diabetic. Her sugar was 35 so I basically shoved liquid glucose down her throat. She was in the hospital for a few days and when she was released it was like a whole new person, she hugged me and thanked me and cried etc.

A few weeks went on and I continued to take care of her husband and her, however like I said from day 1 she didn't like me. She accused me of having sex with her husband and sneaking around with him.

On Christmas day my patient (the man) said he had a Christmas present for me. I said that I could not accept it. I didn't even know what it was yet. He then continued to say it would offend him if I didn't take it. So I accepted the envelope in front of him and opened it. It was a check for nine-thousand dollars I almost fainted. I declined the check and told him that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much he kept insisting. So I told him I would keep the check but not cash it. He then said he would just keep writing them. Anyway I know there are ethical issues with this situation. I tried to return the check and he would not accept it. So I opened a savings account for my daughter and deposited the check. Without intentions of spending it. However his wife found out and blew up, she went to her attorney and asked if there was anything that could be done and they told her no. I contacted my attorney who also said no. But I took it upon myself to call a medical social worker and have the situation evaluated. The evaluation cleared any criminal activity and also proved that my patient is of sound mind.

So I thought that was the end ...a few weeks pass and I get a call from the pastor of my church... I meet with him and he tells me that there are allegations of me and my patient having sex and doing unpure things. Keep in mind this is the same pastor I called when I was given the money and he said it would be Ok to accept it. (he is also a social worker) Long story kinda short after the first meeting he was basically saying that everyone else needed to mind their business and let me take care of this man. The next day he changes his mind. Tells me I should let the man go. Prior to all of this I promised my patient I wouldn't leave him as he is afraid of being in that house alone.

His wife has threatened to shoot me, cut my head off with a hatchet and call the cops on me. They have one daughter who is extremely bi-polar and was abused by the mother however most abused people protect their abusers. And in this case she is siding with her mother. Although she had no problems before and didn't even mind that I accepted that money.

Here is what I am getting at I sat my patient down and told him the truth that I was being forced out, when he confronted the family they denied it. So he thinks everything is ok. I got a text from the daughter saying that she really wishes I would leave so there will be peace. I said Ok so this morning I also told my patient again that I have to leave. Things are getting way out of hand. I suggested that he let someone else take care of him , he absolutely refuses and says he feels safe knowing that I am coming every day. He said that if I leave he will leave his wife and move into ALF and I could be his nurse there. He is in no way attracted to me and has one of the worst cases of BPH his doctor has ever seen (if you catch my drift) He has told me in the past that his family does not really care about him they just want his money.. but if I go into that I might be here all day. He is a wealthy man.

I guess I will stop there and ask advice. Do I let him down and just leave? I do know if I leave he will leave his house. Which will make things worse.

what would you do? have you been in a similar situation?

Thanks everyone!

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

We cannot give legal advice, but I sure am gonna give my non-legal opinion!

You are waaaaay over your head.

It is not unusual for a family to hire a caregiver under the table. I did it with my MIL, but you are doing it in a highly dysfunctional situation. The wife is accusing you of sex with him, the daughter wants you out, and the husband is threatening to leave his family if you leave.

Why in the world are you staying? Get out now.

One other thing about the money. Although I'm sure that you tried to give it back, you eventually deposited it. That says to me you wanted it, because all you had to do was secretly tear up every check he ever tried to hand you.

[sandyfeet]

GET OUT NOW!

No good can come from this situation. Family is threatening your safety. You are emotionally involved with the patient and have crossed boundaries by depositing a check. Your professional reputation is at stake and the longer you continue with this assignment, the worse it will get. Give your notice ASAP before they figure out something else to call their attorney about.

[siddymae]

well it all came out in the open, the OTHER nurse that works in the house taking care of the wife now, started everything. Saying bad things like i was having sex etc. This nurse lost her license due to alcohol/substance abuse. Knowing an agency or hospital wont hire her she basically "tried" to slaughter me. So she could have my job. The family found out about what was really going on and apologized.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

None of this meant as legal advice, per TOS. Just some advice from a really, really old bat.

This is quite a story. The ethical boundries that have been crossed are mind boggling. This is why it is not always the best to work under the table in private duty. If you had a nursing license, this is a good way to launch an investigation on it.

Get out now. Take the money out of the account, get a bank check, and return it to the man. Keep copies of same. No matter how much someone begs you to take it, don't ever, ever take extra bonus money from a private duty client. I would rip up every single check that the man "begged" me to take. NO WAY is that ever acceptable. Especially if you are working under the table for cash to begin with. You could be reported to the IRS. Not worth it. If you want to do private duty on your own, get a tax id #, ask for a 1099, and get some Liability Insurance. Do it the right way.

If you feel as if you are leaving a hot mess, call Elder Services to go and see this family. Obviously no one can take care of themselves, and they need a number of services that you alone can/could not provide them. And whomever "gave" you this lovely job, if it is such a great thing, WHY wouldn't they have just taken it themselves? HUGE red flag.

Get off the grid, change your phone number, and be mindful that you never get into a situation like this again. It is over the top, out of control, and you need not be party to such foolishness going forward.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Doesn't matter if they apologized or not... they are dysfunctional ( will go off again soon), the other nurse is dysfunctional and you are in a hot mess.

Plenty of work for a care giver out there, please find it before you sink in that awful situation.

[TheGooch]

I would have just tore up the check and any other check that he made out.

This is what has me confused. You said the man has dementia yet after you deposited the check the man was declared to be of sound mind. By whom? A social worker? I know for a fact that people with dementia WILL give money away like this-your patient is not of sound mind.