Need feedback on goal statement for FNP school

[NTPinky]

Hi all,

I'm applying to a post-Master's FNP certificate program, and they want a one-page "goal statement." I have a very rough draft, but I feel like it's missing something and need some feedback/help on how to improve it. I'm pasting it below (leaving out the personal identifiers) ... appreciate any constructive help/suggestions! Thanks.

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I see many low-income patients at the Women’s Clinic at [_____ Hospital], many of whom also have a low level of education. I do not earn as much money as my friends who work in other hospitals, but I love my job and feel a great sense of personal fulfillment working with the patient population at [_______]. I want to expand my role by becoming a nurse practitioner.

Most physicians do not have the time to educate patients about disease prevention and health maintenance. I feel privileged when a patient seeks me out after not understanding what a physician said to her. It demonstrates that I have earned her trust, and she knows that if I do not know the answer to her question I will find someone who does.

When I think back to when I first started nursing school, I remember thinking, “I’d never want to be at [______ Hospital]. It seems like such a scary place!” Now I cannot imagine working with any other patient population. I am honored to work with the disadvantaged and I want to continue working with this patient population for the rest of my career.

Being a Family Nurse Practitioner (FNP) will allow me to expand my role and better serve my patients. More often than not, it is the nurses who are recommending medication dosages to the physicians at the Women’s Clinic. The physician just signs the order. Lately I have found myself often thinking, “If I were a nurse practitioner I could just write the order myself and save my patients a lot of time!”

I have many goals relating to how I want to practice. I am especially interested in diabetes since I have type I diabetes myself. I have found that the gestational and type II diabetics I work with now are comforted when they learn that their nurse understands what it is like to take daily injections and monitor her blood sugar.

I want to continue working with the underserved and in chronic disease management. I also realize that the fastest growing population in the United States is the elderly, so I would like to further explore working with that population as well. I look forward to being exposed to the different practice areas (adult, pediatrics, and women’s health) in the FNP program at [____].

Finally, I look forward to becoming more politically active. Working for the County of [_________] has exposed me to the political aspect of nursing—namely activism and patient advocacy in light of continued financial cuts to public health. I plan to continue lobbying against budget cuts and fight to save nurses’ jobs.

[zenman]

Sounds good to me.

[ghillbert, MSN, NP]

Me too!

[NTPinky]

Thanks a lot! :)

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

Are you serious about asking for help on your goal statement for school ?

Sounds fine to me, minus the last paragraph.

Makes me wonder

[NTPinky]

Of course I'm serious, why wouldn't I be? I had asked for constructive criticism but your response reads sarcastic.

[zenman]

Are you serious about asking for help on your goal statement for school ?

Sounds fine to me, minus the last paragraph.

Makes me wonder

Where did that come from??

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

Of course I'm serious, why wouldn't I be? I had asked for constructive criticism but your response reads sarcastic.

I do come across as being sarcastic, and sometimes i am

but not in this case. I am being serious.

As I said before, Sounds fine to me, minus the last paragraph.

[MagsMom]

As someone who reads admissions essays (not for a FNP program) - I would likely pass over this one - these are my thoughts -

Your essay is trying to tell me your goals - you have some components but the essay does not flow - in fact, you do not state your goals until the end...what???

I would leave out the part about "More often than not, it is the nurse recommending..." - it really doesn't go with what you started with - if you can include it in a way that doesn't make it sound like you feel like you are already doing the job of a NP then keep it, otherwise, it comes across a bit know-it-all.

It seems to me that you are trying to say -

1. I never thought I would like working with low income women

2. I currently work with low income women (who also have low level of education)

3. My strength is breaking communication barrier with low income women

4. I have the skills, background, and intelligence to be a health care provider

5. Through working at Women's clinic I have realized that this is only one area of health care I enjoy - others are chronic disease management and advocacy for nurses.

OK - so, the way I see it is you have focused too much on what you have done and not enough on what you want to do. As the author you need to decide where your focus is - do you want to highlight the fact that you have successfully worked with the underserved and will continue - or do you want to highlight the fact that you are good at what you do and you can see how much more effective you will be if your role in delivering health care is expanded?

You have good thoughts but need to figure out what is the main thing you want to talk about - then all the other stuff is added around that.

Now, these are only suggestions - and, as always, first drafts are very difficult.

[NTPinky]

Thanks MagsMom, very helpful suggestions.

[MagsMom]

I was thinking about your admissions essay and the one thing that you do not have in it is about your masters degree. What is that in - somehow you need to bring that up.

[NTPinky]

Hi MagsMom, I have an MSN, and my concentration was in Community/Public Health.