My first code blue

I definitely remember my first one. You did the right thing, you called the code and started CPR. It might take a while to get over it, but just know that you did a good job.

You never forget your first anything. I came from Law Enforcement background, I've seen every possible kind of disaster you could imagine, come to think of it, I still remember them all. My very first death was an elderly gentleman who committed suicide by slashing his wrists with a straight razor in his recliner and putting his hands over the arm of the chair to drain his blood into a cooler, so his wife wouldn't have to clean up his blood. He left a note, cash, and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the table in front of him. I was a rookie at the time, and I noticed how the other guys dealt with it by joking about the situation, but I stayed quiet and had nightmares for a few nights. I still have the image of him burned into my mind to this day, and it was over 15 years ago. It's a form of PTSD in a sense, you will actually become more and more desensitized to it, but it doesn't make you any less human to feel emotional. Just get up each day and know you're making a difference in people's lives as a nurse, and remain strong as this wont be your last experience with death in our field.

I don't think you ever forget your first time losing a patient or any of them for that matter. I had my first resident death 3 years ago and I remember every detail of that day. It was my first time doing CPR. I like you just spoke with this person an hour before and then they were dead. It was a very unexpected death. I remember the day and time and will remember this resident forever!

Hugs to you.....

Yes, you will have a lot of "firsts" in this field. I've had several myself... but just a couple months ago, I had my first patient (as a Nursing Student) transfer himself to the ECU. Did it bother me? Not really. I've worked a couple dozen or so codes over the years, before I started nursing school. It probably bothered the nurse I was working with that day more than it bothered me.

We're kind of privileged, if I may say so, to be able to work with people when they're sick. Sometimes they have issues that we've not seen before personally. They can throw/show all kinds of weird stuff at us. No doubt you'll have many more "firsts" from here on out. It's one of the reasons I really love doing what I do!