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Discussion

Leaving the bedside

Hey guys! I've been a long time lurker, and this is actually my first post. For the sake of discretion, I made a "throw away" account. Hopefully this post is in the right place. I have read so many threads about people trying to decide if they were ready to leave the bedside and still struggle with what I want to do. I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest and wanted to seek advice from non-biased parties (IE:not my mom. Who is a saint and pretty much my therapist & also a devout CC nurse).

I have been a critical care nurse for 3 years, I have my CCRN and I am certified in my specialty. I take sick patients, I am trusted and have the respect of my colleagues. I trust & respect my colleagues as well, and never worry about having help from my neighbor. Our staff is awesome, our unit is ALWAYS well staffed, we have great support from the charge nurses and supervisors and I really can't complain about much. I am truly blessed to be on this unit. I feel like I can go be competent, do my job and help my patients. I learn something new every time I am there.

But I am tired. I am so so tired. I have gone through periods before where I just don't want to go to work (who doesn't?) but I am at the point now where I've felt dread about going to work for about 3 months. It usually goes away but it has just been so persistent. I took a girls trip this weekend just to get away and came back feeling worse than before.

My husband works a normal 9-5 and I work pretty much every other weekend which is how I set up my schedule and puts me at the required 7 weekend shifts per 6 week scheduling. It works out well because I work Thur/Fri/Sat, off sun/mon, ON Tue/wed/thur. This gives me 6 days off every other week (which I highly recommend for those on night shift).

I've considered that it is just night shift that is messing with my emotions. The turnover rate on my unit is remarkably low so I am not expecting any day shift spots to open, but, if a spot did open I would consider it just to see if it would help.

I pretty consistently feel run down, sad and unenthusiastic about going to work. I am emotionally exhausted. I miss being on a normal schedule. And I find myself constantly trying to figure out why I decided to be a nurse. I just don't remember feeling this way before. I don't remember feeling sad my entire shift. It makes work even more exhausting because I am having a constant internal struggle & making sure not to compromise my external attitude towards my patients and colleagues while having said internal struggle.

I have been considering some clinic and outcome review positions, while keeping a PRN position at the bedside but I am concerned I will regret it. I am proud of what I've done with my nursing career, and it concerns me to take a step back. That's what it feels like, taking a giant step backwards. I am also concerned because it's only been 3 years, what did I do wrong to end up in this position? I am young, happily married to a great supportive husband and in a great city. I feel like I am failing and there is no reason to be feeling that way.

Thank you for reading such a long post. I am just looking for some advice from those who have been there.

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    Not sure why you made a throw away account for this question. Do the M-Friday thing and get a PRN job that requires a max days of 2 shifts a month or work Agency PRN when you feel like it. When you do PRN through the hospital you have to work your holidays. With agency nursing you do not.

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    • Author

    Thank you very much for your reply, that's what I'm leaning towards is something PRN. I guess it's not the end of the world to try something different and if I kept up my PRN status I could go back full time to the bedside if I wanted to! It just seems like a big change. That's good to know about the holidays with agency and the hospital.

    And I made a throw away because I like to think I am a private person. I was trying to avoid the potential of a co-worker or someone close to me finding this. If I wanted to share it with them, I would have in the first place.

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    is there anything going on in your life besides work that you are unsatisfied with? sounds like you have some symptoms of depression

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    Why does it feel like you are going backwards? You can never go backwards. You are always moving forward.

    Something is bothering you and you don't know what it is. It would be good to see a therapist to sort it out. Mom is great but can't be your therapist.

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    I feel the same way, i feel like there's something about bedside nursing where nothing you do is ever enough... for the patients, for the oncoming nurse, for the residents. It's kind of a thankless job. I used to work nights and switched to evenings and i feel SO much happier and energetic and better about life. definitely get off of nights, you will feel so much better!!

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    It sounds like you're burned out. I was that way several years ago and I went part-time. Going down to 2 days a week made a big difference. I left the bedside for a couple years and worked in research. Now I'm per diem and I only need to work 1 shift a week. I usually work every other weekend because of weekday meetings with my other work. If you have some PTO built up you could look into taking a leave of absence for a month and see if that helps.

    I agree with the other person that suggested finding a therapist. I have one and it makes a big difference. He sees a lot of nurses. Unfortunately, the feelings that you are having are very common among health care professionals.

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    Go to day shift. If you have an employee assistance program I would see what kind of help and direction they could provide. Don't discount the effect that working nights can have on you.

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    • Author

    I want to thank everyone for their kind reply! I will try to address everyone's comments.

    I will be seeing a counselor or therapist here in the near future, I have anxiety that I've dealt with over the last few years that has gotten increasingly worse. I exercise regularly and recently lost 40lbs (over the last 2 years), found my faith again and all of those things have helped a lot. I also have a very supportive husband. I do think it's time I address the issue with a professional though so I will be going through with that soon.

    I do agree that day shift would be best! I know that I thrive off of routine, and always having something to do. Right now, my schedule is taxing and erratic and it makes it difficult to stick to a routine. So I think being on day shift and maybe trying a mon-fri job might be worth while. I can handle change, but I prefer and cope better when I know exactly what to expect each day. (wake up ,coffee, gym, work home, etc..)

    I appreciate the input from everyone, sometimes you just have to get it off your chest to put things in perspective.

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