Just a vent

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

I work in the OR at a large university hospital. I was in the charge nurse role one day this week, and we round with the medical director and with the anesthesia charge every day close to the end of the day. We do this in order to provide staffing for cases that are running late. It gets very hectic at the front desk around this time, as it is usually shift change, and it is NOISY. I have a hard time hearing in the first place, so this noise makes my job all the more difficult.

The medical director was going over what the plan was for the evening. I could not hear him, and said, "I'm sorry, Dr. X, I could not hear you." His response was, "Well let me say it real slow for you." Ok, I am not a sensitive person, but this came across as an insult to me. Since it was not the time or the place to get into a battle of words, I let it go with the intentions of addressing this later.

Today, I saw Dr. X walking down the hall, called out to him and asked him for a minute of his time. Nobody else was around. I said, "You know Dr. X, I realize that in the chaos of our work, we sometimes say things that we don't mean. When I asked you to repeat yourself the other day and your response was "Let me say it real slow for you", I took that as an insult. I am sure that you didn't mean it, but I wanted to let you know that I found it offensive." I was expecting him to say, "Oh, that is not what I meant", or "Gosh, I am sorry..." Nope. He said, "Well, you took it the wrong way. It is your fault that you misinterpreted what I said. You shouldn't have done that. Do you really think so less of me?" Wow. OK, so much for gently confronting a problem! I also wanted desperately to say, "When you insult someone, at least use correct grammar. It is SLOWLY!"

Just a vent. *sigh....

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

What a jerk. Why does it seem like so many male surgeons are?

[SlightlyMental_RN]

How does he fit through the doors with a head that big?

[MassED, BSN, RN]

next time he asks you something or asks FOR something, say "excuse me, can you say that REAL SLOW for me?" ... add a wink to show you're a better person than he.

[MassED, BSN, RN]

What a jerk. Why does it seem like so many male surgeons are?

don't you mean SURGEONS in general?

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

We've had 3 female surgeons, and they seem like any other doc. But the guys -- geez, they need some lessons in how to behave in public....

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

The ironic thing is that he is the medical director...retired from the role of the surgeon. He has not done surgery in many MANY years. I am used to his gruff demeanor, but this just went all over me. He sought me out after our "discussion" to continue to tell me that I was wrong in misinterpreting what he meant. I don't know about y'all, but if I am saying to someone, "Let me say it real slowly for you", I am INSULTING your intelligence. I am letting this one go, and learning from it that sometimes, you just can't change the shape of a mountain. However, I know that I can change the course of the path I will take to climb it.

[steelydanfan]

He insulted you once, you called him on it; then he insulted you again by saying it was YOUR fault because you took it the wrong way. You could have:

a. Told him that anyone would have interpreted his comments as insults, and perhaps he should think about his OWN demeanor, or

b. realize this guy is clueless, and vow to rebut him immediately so that he is forced to deal with his gaffes in front of witnesses.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

His response was, "Well let me say it real slow for you."

A doctor did that to me once. I decided that he was going to be treated with the same level of respect that he showed me, so two days later I did it right back to him. He never did it again.

Yes, I still have my job...and the two of us actually get on rather well now.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

He insulted you once, you called him on it; then he insulted you again by saying it was YOUR fault because you took it the wrong way. You could have:

a. Told him that anyone would have interpreted his comments as insults, and perhaps he should think about his OWN demeanor, or

b. realize this guy is clueless, and vow to rebut him immediately so that he is forced to deal with his gaffes in front of witnesses.

It's so funny that you write this...because option B is what I have chosen! He is....um...elderly...and I must often repeat myself several times in order for him to understand what is going on. I don't mind doing this, because my goal is to get the job done as efficiently as possible. He has been laughed at MANY times because of his lack of "getting it", and I sort of feel badly for him. At one time in his life, he was the hero of surgeons. Now it seems that life has taken a toll, and he is no longer the hero. I know that when he is being inappropriately gruff, he is just trying to "reclaim" his power. I can't pretend to understand what that must be like. What I DO take exception to is his assumption that I am not comprehending what he is saying. That is why I chose to confront him about the comment. His surprising lack of ownership in the insulting comment makes me even more aware that he is grasping onto whatever he can to maintain an "iron fist" anyway he can. I know this is not about me, and that is why I am simply letting it go. This post was just a vent. I will continue to let it roll, and continue to do my job as expected.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I did post this as a vent, but I also posted it because I needed some sort of validation that what transpired was not right. I appreciate all of you taking the time to comment. Love y'all!:redbeathe

[ebear, BSN, RN]

Once a surgeon, always a surgeon. This kind of crap is why I got out of the OR after many,many yrs. You can't just walk away from these jerks! You're stuck with them. I once stopped an ortho who was about to operate on the WRONG side! He positioned the pt while I went to find some equipment he wanted (lost, as usual). I told him he was on the wrong side and he argued me to the ground. I went up and put my bare hands on his gown and he went BALLISTIC! I called XRay...yep! wrong side! After that, he screamed at me like a drill sargeant for any reason he could come up with. I pulled him into an empty OR one day and said, "If you continue this behavior, I will go to an attorney with a harassment suit so fast your head will snap! Do you understand me, Sir?!" He KNEW I meant it. No more problems! It's ridiculous what they THINK you will put up with....

[mpccrn, BSN, RN]

Here's a little story for you....I was new to this particular institution's ICU, yet there long enough to begin to know some of the anesthesiologists by face. I came on shift one morning when this guy came completely flipping out when he found a patient not yet started on O2 pre-op. I sat there and laughed out loud.....thinking surely he has to be making a joke of some kind........he wasn't. There was complete silence for a few minutes (extremely rare in an ICU). From that day on, he pulled his crap on most people, but he never acted like a jerk to me again. Maybe sometimes they have to be reminded they are people, not the gods they think they are......haha