Just need a little support

[Al.ginger]

HI everyone!

I'm having family issue that interfer with my NS.

My husband keeps puttting me down for nothing. Today was my final exam for Foundation class. Last night hubby came from work and suddenly stopped talking to me, he throw stuff all around and push away our 1.5-year toddler when he tried to play with him.

I dropped my book and sooth crying baby and I didn't sleep the whole night because of all situation.

And it's not only one case. He tend to do it when I least prepared: in the middle of semester project, just before final exams.

Once he went somewhere in the middle of the night and I had a clinical next morning. I ended up begging him to come back over the phone cause I don't have any other babbysitter options.

I'm a good student. I'm getting all A's in my first semester of NS despite the toddler and all the crp that going on. But it becoming harder to keep everything together.

I'm not allowed to go alone anywhere exept school. If I'm not in school, I'm home studing with baby around. ANd since we have only 1 car he take the car when I'm not in school.I don't have any friends because of it. I cannot come to any study group seccions. I'm hardly can make it to conference with instractor or any other outside-the-class time activities r/t school of cause.

I tried to put baby in day care to have more time for studing but he said he will not sign the form and won't give the money ether. I'm working just 8 hours a week and it's just not enough.

We do have a decent income but most of it going to his bissness. I hardly have money to get a grocery. I got financial aid this year but not for coming one and I don't know how I'm gonna pay.

I'm seems to be a nice person. People told me that and I'm getting along with my classmates and co-workers. However, according to our coworkers (we are working in the same company) my husband is SUPER nice person and I'm the lucky one. They just don't know the whole story.

So, do you have any advise for me or just a word of support would be apperciated!

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

Divorce him. Why be with someone who puts you down?

[RKpianoman, APRN]

It sounds like he may have some resentment/jealousy issues with your commitment to school. I think the two of you should definitely pursue counselling, both as a couple and possibly individually as well.

When you say "push away" in regards to the child, did he do this forcefully, gently, or just in a non-physical way? If it was forceful, keep a close eye on him with the child and don't hesitate to call the police.

Is there a female nursing school friend you could stay with on test nights or clinical nights if things are rough?

Also, why is most of the income going TO a business? After an initial investment (and maybe a few small bailouts) a business should support itself; perhaps he needs a financial advisor?

I'm sorry you're in such a rough situation; but remember, nothing is worth your child getting hurt, you getting emotionally abused, or your dreams getting trampled on.

[Al.ginger]

'princessbride he is my green card sponsor. He basically brought me to the country. It will be hard to stay if I divorce him now. But I always consider this. May be not right now.

RKpianoman His is DC, so I don't think he is jealos. But bussiness doesn't go well. I don't know any friend who I can stay with and alos bring my child.

DO you think I should talk to someone in school??? Like counselor or something like that??? Are there gonna be any consequenses for me???

[RKpianoman, APRN]

Most schools have a counselor available to talk to with no consequences whatsoever, unless it's something that puts you or others in danger. If I were in your shoes, I would either find a nursing professor I trust and just say "I have some family issues I need to talk to someone about, can you tell me who to talk to?" or look on the school's website for things like "Student Counseling Services", "Counselor", "Personal Counseling", etc. Going to counseling is not something to be punished for; in fact, many hospitals offer counseling services to nurses to help them deal with death, stress, and anything else.

I wish you the best of luck with this, it sounds like you're working hard and doing your best; that's something you should always be proud of! I hope things get better soon.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

let's see here:

he hates what you're doing

he's angry with a baby and you have to fix it when it's least convenient

he won't allow you to use child care to free up your time to study

he sabotages your work when it's most important

you are not allowed to go out except to school

you are not allowed to drive because he takes the car

you are isolated, because he controls your coming and going, your access to money, your access to people, and your access to help with school (study groups, etc.)

i hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are in an abusive situation. i do not use this term lightly. you could be in danger, if not now than in the future. this sort of controlling man who does not care one bit for your accomplishments, aspirations, or feelings never gets better. they only get worse with time. you must take your child and leave before his behavior escalates. seriously.

do not ask me how i know about this so well. nurses...we're caretakers, we tend to take responsibility for the relationship, even as we ignore how much it is hurting us and our children. many people leave for the children's sake, only to discover it's good for them, too.

you deserve better; if you won't do it for yourself, leave for your child's sake so s/he won't see that this is an acceptable way to treat a spouse or to be treated. later you will come to see that it's safer for you to be away from this sort of controlling, angry man. locate a women's shelter in your area; they can help you. speak to your favorite instructor and tell her what you said here, ask her for help. please keep yourself and your baby safe.

[Al.ginger]

Grntea Thank you!

I kind of understand what you talking about. I've read a lot of website about domestic violence.

Is shelter gonna take me? I have no prove of what I'm saying here other than my words. Otherwise everything look OK to people and there is no physical abuse invloved

[curmudgeRN]

Yes there are shelters for women (and their children) who cannot afford to live on their own. If you think you or your child is in any kind of danger at all from staying with him, I would suggest leaving now. Otherwise, try finishing school and getting your degree and then leaving him.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

the shelter will take your word for it. you don't have to -- and don't want to-- wait until the violence escalates to physical abuse. you might also want to scrub your computer for history showing you have had this discussion so he won't find it...

let us know when you have made your move, we're concerned.

[Al.ginger]

I'm still trying to secure whatever I can. I will have LPN degree by summer. I want to try to suck it up for another semestr. I already have some savings and papers packedd in case I need to live in emergency

Thank you for support

[NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN]

If you are being abused and it sounds like you are, you WILL NOT be deported. Don't feel that you have to stay just because of a green card. You have rights too.