First year = depression?

ORSmurf · Mar 31, 2006

Hi S,

I totally know what you mean. I finished my ADN program last May and have been working as a circulator in the OR. It's stressful learning a new job and I was constantly feeling anxious and I'd take every little thing so seriously. It seemed like I was always stressed out, anxious and depressed. I hated the idea of going on an anti-depressant or of being labled "depressed". I was able to get through work and put on a happy face, etc, but when I'd get home, there was nothing left! I finally had my dream job and I didn't want to blow it. I didn't want to make my husband suffer anymore because I was having "issues" and I was really starting to have trouble pulling out of the depression, so I finally went to my Dr. and he started me on Lexapro. I've been on it for about 5 weeks now and I am SO happy that I finally got help. I know that med's aren't always the answer, but for me, it's made an incredible difference already.

Good luck to you - hugs,

Christine

AngelsRN · Apr 1, 2006

I know what you are going through -- I have only been a nurse for 3 months but bec I am a perfectionist, I am worried about making mistakes etc. I know it is experience I need and then I will be less nervous but to get there . . . maybe if you took antidepressants, it could only be to get you through a short period of time while you adjust to being a nurse. I had a friend who had a mini-mental breakdown and she took antidepressants for about 9 months and then her doctor weaned her off and she has been fine ever since. Something worth talking to your doctor about. Would it help to take a walk after you get home before dealing with family stuff?

Sapphy, BSN, RN · Apr 1, 2006

OMG I can so relate to all of you. I have been working for 9 months and I have good days and bad days. When I am at work I try so hard to smile and be positive but sometimes the work environment just stinks so much. The patients are great for the most part and I love the staff I work with but management just keeps piling more and more work on us. A few weeks ago I went in two hours early as a favor and got all kinds of extra work piled on me as a thanks. By 3 PM (I went in at 1) I finally just had a total nervous breakdown. I have been told that my mistake there has been proving to be competent. They have seen me handle tough assignments so they just keep overloading me more and more. Then I go home and I am either too tired to do anything but stare mindlessly into my computer or I am ripping everyone's heads off. For me, I have been on antidepressants in the past, and I think maybe it might be time to go back on them just to straighten things out in my head a little. I am finding out that the first year is way tougher than I thought it would be and I have asked myself a hundred times if I am sure this is what I want. The answer for me is that I invested way too much time and energy in nursing school... my family sacrificed so much so I could go. I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

Indy, LPN, LVN · Apr 2, 2006

Wow. This could have been my post. I'm in the middle of the only six days in a row I've had off since starting work in August. And my husband remarked last night that my mood is certainly much better than it has been lately. He says I save up all the niceness for work, then come home and I have none of it left.

I get anxious about a day or so before going back to work, start trying to schedule my sleep, etc. And heaven forbid the schedule isn't compressed into 3 days in a row that week, or I'm a b*tch all week long. The little things set me off at home, I sleep either too much or not at all and that's unpredictable too. My daughter greets me with "you're alive!" now instead of "Hi mom!" I dunno if I'm ready for psych meds yet though. This week I opted for a pedicure and some shopping instead. Can't do that all the time but it sure was nice.

grinnurse, RN · Apr 2, 2006

I have suffered with depression off and on now for about 5 years. It really started towards the end of my prereqs for nursing school and the War in Iraq. Doc put me on meds for about 6 months and it helped then once off went right back to the same old ways. Got on them again during NS for another 6 months and again they helped. Stopped and b/f I knew it, I was right back on them. Doc told me that if you have suffered depression more than 3 times you probably should be back on them for life. My case may be a little difference b/c I have a family history of it so I am on them now for good and my life is soooooo much better as well as my families.

AngelsRN · Apr 2, 2006

I have been told that my mistake there has been proving to be competent. They have seen me handle tough assignments so they just keep overloading me more and more. Then I go home and I am either too tired to do anything but stare mindlessly into my computer or I am ripping everyone's heads off.

I can so related to that -- I am supposed to have 12 weeks of orientation, but bec I have become "competent" I have been kinda on my own, although they still say I am on orientation. And I just find I am exhausted all the time. I tend to be a perfectionist, which has both its good and the bad in it. I just cant wait for the first year to be done and hope it gets better or at least I feel better about it all.

pie123 · Apr 4, 2006

This was mentioned in another post and I think I may be having problems with depression myself. Since I started my job 9 mos ago I've been irritable with my family, I can't deal with the tiniest crisis without wanting to cry. At work I'm nervous and if anything goes wrong I feel like I just can't handle it - in my mind I know I'm overreacting but I can't seem to control it - I want to be the calm, collected nurse that I admire, the one that keeps her cool no matter what happens, but I can't seem to control my anxiety and I'm not good at hiding my feelings from others. At work I stifle my anger and am nice to hard-to-get-along-with patients, doctors, and staff - but at home I have no patience, yell at my son and nagg my husband about every thing he does "wrong" then end up blowing up at him and going to bed alone. It's starting to damage my relationship with them both. I'm not suicidal, not that I don't have my bad moments, but who doesn't. I'm thinking maybe I need to try anti-depressants? I'm scared of them, I've heard they have side-effects that are bad, like problems with memory, which I can't afford have my memory is bad enough already. I'm tired all the time, exercise just makes it worse. I take vitamins already. (so there Tom Cruise) I'm thinking quitting my job would help a lot cause I'm not handling the stress well. But you know, money is an issue.
Any new perspective would be appreciated, especially from anyone who has been there.
Thanks S
:angryfire

I feel the same way. I have an MD appointment Thursday.

Indy, LPN, LVN · Apr 9, 2006

I think I'm gonna opt for some more "home remedies" type of therapy; I'll be buying new music CD's whenever I get the urge. Every week if I have to.

HeatherLPN · Apr 11, 2006

For me, it was the facility. I was a raving wench while I worked there. It affected all aspects of my life. I had to force myself to go in, struggled thru my shift, the cried all the way home. I was thinking of giving up nursing, and constantly thought "I went to school for THIS?". I didn't want to go on meds if I could avoid it, so I quit that job, went to another facility and it's so much better. The nurses are great, especially the night nurses, and there is a lot of support there. It made a big difference.

grentea · Apr 11, 2006

I've been having a really hard time lately too. I made two mistakes at work (no one was hurt) and was told that if I make one more, I'm out. Now I'm a nervous wreck at work, and I'm coming off of orientation soon. The thing is, I have a friend who made similar mistakes at a differnt hospital and she didn't even come close to having her job threatned. I've seen crazy stuff at work too like med transcription mistakes of various kinds and the docs certainly don't try to make things easier for us with anything. I generally don't feel good at about the facility I'm at, and I'm considering trying to get into research. I think acute care in a hospital isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm so down on myself but looking on the bright side, I do have a lot of options. I would leave before finding something else because I feel like I'm being set up to fall flat on my face and make another mistake but I need the money. Just hoping that maybe things will get better or I'll find something else.

nunurs05 · Apr 12, 2006

Hello Greentea...I was reading your reply. Research sounds like a positive move, is hospital experience needed ?