First Day Back at Work......Same ****, Different Day!

Dutchgirl........thank you for sharing your story. It reinforces the truth that I made the right decision when I quit my hospital job altogether 2 weeks ago. Just reading it made that familiar stomach-clenching, nauseating, heart-racing feeling come back for a moment---this is beyond burnout, I think. I mean, the idea of working med/surg again literally terrifies me........I can easily imagine myself doing home care, hospice, even going back into administration, ANYTHING but acute care.

What you described basically was the story of my life in med/surg the past year or so---abusive families, nasty co-workers, frequent flyers, and in my case a witchy assistant manager---and it all crashed in on me in mid-December. Suddenly I couldn't take even one more shift, and I just lost it---went into hysterics in my boss's office, got myself into therapy that very afternoon, and quit just a few days later.

Unlike you, however, I know in my heart of hearts that I'm done with floor nursing---not due to my own choice, because I loved caring for patients and relating to them, but due to the fact that I can't handle it mentally OR physically any more. That makes me sad. But it is what it is, and now I've got to figure out how to pursue my passion in a way that doesn't produce a nervous breakdown.

Good luck to you, Dutchgirl.......although to be honest, it sounds as though you'd do yourself a favor by getting out of acute care entirely. I know two months off wouldn't do it for me, no matter how well rested I thought I was.....but hey, that's just me.:wink2:

Yeah, when you have more days that suck than ones that don't, it's time to move on.......~sigh~

I'm beginning to think that the question nurses need to start asking is not why we stay in jobs that make us miserable, but why our work (and most ESPECIALLY med/surg) seems to have become more of an endurance contest than a job:uhoh3: During the last 6 months before I finally quit, it was all I could do to paste a fake smile on my face and slog through each shift........it wasn't a job any longer, it was a marathon to be gotten through, and I felt more like a pack animal than a professional. In fact, on one particularly tough day not long ago, the 3-11 house supervisor asked me how I was doing, and I said "Fine. I'm always fine. I'm a HORSE".

I will grant you that individual nurses can't do much to make things better, but I wonder sometimes what could be accomplished if we were to unite, all across the country, and shout in one tremendous voice that "WE'RE MAD AS HELL, AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!!" What would happen if we said NO, we won't permit ourselves to be run into the ground and then put out to pasture when our backs and feet can't take the beating any longer? Or NO, we will no longer permit management to give us 7 or 8 patients because it's unsafe. Or NO, you can't dump more and more duties to our job responsibilities because other departments aren't pulling their own weight.

I know I'm far from the only RN who has ever wondered these things........but I've come to believe that if we are ever to resolve the nursing shortage and attract people to our profession, we have to be more aggressive about our rights---to decent working conditions, to the breaks and lunch periods the law requires, to respectful treatment, to not be abused by patients and families.

Getting off my soapbox now.:)

Hi Marla,

I know how you feel. I'm just a little further down the road at this point. When I left med/surg for 2 months, I couldn't take one more minute of it much less an entire shift. I knew the patients, families and co-workers had become rude and obnoxious but I also knew that I was burnt out. Part of the equation was that I couldn't cope with the stress anymore. I just couldn't. I was miserable I felt like I would break down if I went back. I too went to therapy and applaude you for doing so also.

Part of going back to work was proving to myself that I could overcome and I could go back and function. I didn't want it to beat me.

I don't blame you for quitting but realize that although nursing has been much more difficult and stressful it also has to do with the ability to cope. My Zoloft was increased and I am now on HRT for non-exsistent hormone levels even though I'm still having a monthly period. Were at that age. I think the combination of meds and therapy helped me tremendously.

I wish you the best of luck and I'm here anytime you feel you need to vent or just discuss things. You may e-mail me privately anytime. God Bless

You must have posted this while I was posting the above.:wink2:

Thank you for your kind words, my friend.:kiss You know, I hadn't thought about the hormonal component of my anxieties........I don't know what my estrogen level is, but it's probably very low since I haven't had a period in over 6 months. I don't want to go on HRT---I was never able to tolerate BC pills, and I sure don't want to go back to having periods! But I do think it may be time to change my antidepressant, as I'm on the maximum dose and

it's been over 2 years since it was adjusted.

I don't feel depressed, though. I've been through serious depressive episodes before, and this ain't it........this is something that I think my body's been trying to tell me for a long time, and I ignored it until it said one day "THAT DOES IT!!" I was sick on and off all last year........what finished it was the anxiety produced when I finally realized I could no longer hack it.

Now, I'm not anxious about being a nurse in itself: it's just that I can't work the floor any more. I have no problem with the idea of working as a care manager or a discharge planner or a hospice nurse; in fact, I've got applications and resumes in at several different facilities, and I'm looking forward to moving on. It's only when I think about working in that particular environment that the palpitations start.

I'm glad you're doing what you feel is best for you. That's all any one of us can or should do. Follow your bliss, and the rest will take care of itself........at least, that's what I hear!