Finally a member! Need some advice

Hi everyone. I'm new in this forum. This is my very first time ever joining a forum. I have read a lot of discussions for quite a long long time now and never attempted to sign in. I just looked at similar topics that would help me. Majority of it did though. Well now, I feel ready to share my experience and be a part of this great and supportive forum.

I graduated at the end of 2003 and got my RN license and first job in July 2004. I was working at a transitional unit, like a step down unit from ICU. This wasn't my first choice. I had a call from this hospital the day I found out I passed the boards. I thought it would be a good start since they have a good program. My first choice was Peds. I had offers but turned down b/c failed the first time taking the boards.

During two to three months in the job, my mother had a stroke and I had to adjust changing shifts. I was precepting in the day and then switched to nights since that's my shift. It was a hard transition because at the same time I experienced panic attacks and would cry a lot before going to work. I was also extending preceptorship because I was so scared to start by myself. I talked to my boss and there was a time where my boss was going to transfer me to a Med-surg floor but never got to it. So then I started taking Prozac and was taking turns with my Aunt with taking care of my mother at home. The depression got worse, family intervened and they took care of my mom and I ended up quitting my job after working for four months. I also realized that the environment wasn't for me b/c I was the youngest one there, a new grad, and there was just no one to talk to at my same level.

The next thing was to focus on myself to get better with group therapy and seeing my psychologist and psychiatrist. About four months later, I had a bad reaction to the Prozac and started a new mood stabilizer. I recovered from the bad reaction to Prozac and continued the mood stabilizer. Then I got married and got another job.

This time it was Peds and it was the place where I did my senior preceptorship. It was cool because it was day shift that I liked and this was a surgical floor. I actually did better when I was by myself off orientation for almost a month. The crying came back and I was having trouble coping with the stress. I quit the job after a bad shift and I have been regretting it ever since. I tried getting my job back and my manager couldn't do it.

Right now it's been almost five months not working and glad to say that I'm not taking any medications anymore. I want to work again but not sure where to go. I thought about Med-surg adults, since that's a good area to start in to increase my skills. The thing that holds me back is lack of motivation and self-confidence. I also have this big fear of trying again. This time I want to work for much much longer than just four months.

What do you guys think?