Depressed and worn out

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2005

I'm sorry you're going through so much stress and pain. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself.

Achoo!, LPN · Dec 7, 2005

I really feel for you. Expend all of your resources. Use your local food pantry, see if you can apply for energy assistance, check your local St Vincent De Paul or church to see if they can help with your house payment( It's not like you aren't trying to better your situation, you are just in a bind).

My husband broke his back in '01 and was the breadwinner so to speak. I worked 10 hours a week. He was out fo work for 9 months. I have no idea how we made it but I called around and was able to get a house payment taken care of by St Vincent De paul. Another church helped one month, and energy assistance payed our heat and electric for 4 months. We used the food pantry and the local " Christmas neighbors" program to get gifts for our kids ( one new for each child and some used toys). There should be some kind of community assistance to help you, but you have to do your research. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can have a happy holiday.

stpauligirl · Dec 7, 2005

I really feel for you. Expend all of your resources. Use your local food pantry, see if you can apply for energy assistance, check your local St Vincent De Paul or church to see if they can help with your house payment( It's not like you aren't trying to better your situation, you are just in a bind).
My husband broke his back in '01 and was the breadwinner so to speak. I worked 10 hours a week. He was out fo work for 9 months. I have no idea how we made it but I called around and was able to get a house payment taken care of by St Vincent De paul. Another church helped one month, and energy assistance payed our heat and electric for 4 months. We used the food pantry and the local " Christmas neighbors" program to get gifts for our kids ( one new for each child and some used toys). There should be some kind of community assistance to help you, but you have to do your research. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can have a happy holiday.

And definitley go after that child support! Go to your district attorney's office immediately!!!!!!!!

suzi_h · Dec 7, 2005

I am sorry to hear what's happening with you. I can't even imagine. I know this seems obvious, but have you applied for welfare? I am not sure but, I think there is some kind of help with utilities and maybe if you go to the Housing Authority for where you're at, they will help supplement your house payment. I don't know how any of this works. I know this sounds terrible, but can you find other arrangements for your mother? Do you have any sibling who can take care of her?

I hope things get better for you. I would definately go down to the county and find out what assistance they can offer you. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for help when you are in this kind of situation.

Good luck to you. I hope things get better.

Suzi :icon_hug:

tlhubbard · Dec 7, 2005

I know you said the police weren't an option with your mother, however if your kids were to be away with a friend when mom was picked up, maybe you could spare them that and teach her a lesson at the same time. She needs to grow up, become compliant and until then there is nothing you can do to help someone who won't help themselves.

As for you, it sounds like you are a true fighter and are really trying to get to your set goals. Good for you. Give your self a pat on the back and realize those kids need for you not to give up. The court should persue that dead beat dad and since you are aware of his whereabouts, it should be an easy snag. Since his mother is obviously still alive, any chance she cares for these children and would be willing to help out? She may likely take your side when she finds out he is willing to let his children be out in the cold.

Food pantries are there for people who need them, it sounds like you need them. Your children do, since they can't do for themselves. There are also agreements you can enter into with your energy supplier to have a set flat rate over winter months so that you do not have a sudden jump in price with the cold weather(allowing you to budget a little better).

Not knowing how old your children are, maybe you can look into WIC (a support for groceries for single mothers with children - it's offered in Ohio). Check with the social services at your local children hospital (they have endless info for resources). Also, Headstart was a God send for us. They offered a full day program for mothers who need to work all day(or school) and they cater to lower income families.

Good luck!!!

(don't forget about local and county resources also, there's more than just what the state offers)

Fun2, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2005

Here is what I would do, take the advice or leave it. :)

First, I would have your mom committed to your state's hospital for treatment. She is doing illegal drugs in your home. Therefore, she is keeping illegal drugs in your home.

YOUR CHILDREN CAN BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU!

Yes, there would be crying, but think of it this way. Would you rather hear crying b/c your mom is temporarily mad at you for having her committed, or would you rather be crying at her funeral because she overdosed? ....Or would you rather be crying because your children have been taken by the state?

I would just tell you children that grandma is sick, and needs to stay at the hospital for a while.

Ok, that's my advice. I really hope you make the right decision....whatever that may be in your case. (((((((Hugs)))))))

Jerico, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2005

Here is what I would do, take the advice or leave it. :)
First, I would have your mom committed to your state's hospital for treatment. She is doing illegal drugs in your home. Therefore, she is keeping illegal drugs in your home.
YOUR CHILDREN CAN BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU!
Yes, there would be crying, but think of it this way. Would you rather hear crying b/c your mom is temporarily mad at you for having her committed, or would you rather be crying at her funeral because she overdosed? ....Or would you rather be crying because your children have been taken by the state?
I would just tell you children that grandma is sick, and needs to stay at the hospital for a while.
Ok, that's my advice. I really hope you make the right decision....whatever that may be in your case. (((((((Hugs)))))))

:yelclap: :yeahthat:

You are ONLY 24. My word, girl. Your mamma is a big girl - and SHE needs to take care of HER because YOU are your kid's mamma, not your mamma's mamma.

WHO is NUMBER ONE HERE?????

YOUR C -H -I -L -D -R -E -N!

If you are going to feed, clothe and house them YOU are going to have to bite the BIG one and shut the door in your mamma's face.

I know it sounds harsh. I am a mamma of FOUR. If I EVER were mentally ill I would NEVER want my daughter to put ME over her CHILDREN!

I don't care if I were freezing in the street - I want my daughter to take care of her CHILDREN FIRST.

NOW - having said that:

YOUR mamma is not thinking of YOU: her CHILD. She is thinking of HERSELF - mentally ill nor NOT. She must not be THAT mentally ill as she is finding drugs and abusing your relationship.

This means she is NOT a good mother and hence does not deserve YOUR loving protection.

IF you do NOT think of your CHILDREN over your mother you are NOT being a good mother to your children.

Wanting to finish nursing school benefits EVERYONE in your life, including YOU. Look at it this way: is it better to have HER committed or have you ALL committed? You can become mentally ill if you get stressed out beyond the point of no return!

Tell MOM it is time to find some other place to get "help" because you have no more, as you have your children to consider.

PERIOD.

AND - if the man is not helping support the kids change your phone number AND address and never look back.

Jerico, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2005

Am VERY sorry you are hurting and stressed out.

No one deserves what you are having to put up with.

YOU have more control over this than you want to take responsibility for.

Time to put on the BIG girl panties.

suzi_h · Dec 7, 2005

After reading Fun2Care's post, I was thinking...you'd actually be setting an example turning your mother in. Not only is it teaching the seriousness of drugs, but by turning her in you are teaching them drugs will not be tolerated and sometimes you have to hurt a little bit to do the right thing. Life isn't easy, they'll be thankful for this lesson in the future. And then they won't ever point the finger and say that mom never tried to stop her wreckless behavior. If anything, they'll love her more b/c she'll become (hopefully) the gramma she should be. And I think that's how you would want your children to see you and her. By the way, how old are the kids?

I also agree with Jerico, my sister eliminated my nephew's dad when he was an infant and it was the best thing she ever could have done. She struggled working for a grocery store while finishing college and he is much better off now with a newly adopted dad. If your children's dad is not a part off their lives and is only causing them pain, do what's right and boot him permanately. He'll either starighten up or disappear. It's an unfortunate situation but, you need to be living your life for you and your children. Good luck.

Suzi

BADDUDES91 · Dec 7, 2005

i feel your pain too...Life is not that easy but if let GOD enter your life your pain will be released, try to talk to a spiritual leader in your community surely they can help..besides there are other people that have problems bigger than you.so cheer up.. :lol2:

suzi_h · Dec 7, 2005

i feel your pain too...Life is not that easy but if let GOD enter your life your pain will be released, try to talk to a spiritual leader in your community surely they can help..besides there are other people that have problems bigger than you.so cheer up..

Are you serious!? :nono: I think her problems are plenty big. I am sure there are homeless sick starving children in Ethiopia too. However, what this girl is facing is here and now and she has every right to want a bit of pity. What would help her is food and money. I am sure when she has some of both, she'll be just as cheery as the next single mom trying to make it thru nursing school while dealing with major issues in her life. :madface:

HONESTLY!!!!!