Beyond stressed at the bedside

Hi everyone!

I really need some guidance. I am a BSN nurse on a Tele Unit in and I have a little bit more than a year of experience. The Unit I work on is extremely busy with very, very sick patients - and I'm seeing things and doing things I've never done before almost on a daily basis. I am challenged by the amount of charting to do intertwined with patient care and feel completely overwhelmed with my anxiety through the roof. We may have one or two CNAs on a floor of 30 beds if they don't get pulled to float or sit, and we may or may not have a break or charge nurse.

I love taking care of people and that's why I chose nursing as a profession - but this is not what I thought it would be... at this point - I don't even know what I thought it would be. I miss the patient connection - there's little to zero time to make that connection when you're at the bedside because there's just no time. I just don't feel like I'm cut out for this and I worked so hard to get here.

I'm a self-starter, prefer to be given a task and left on my own to make it happen. I like to work autonomously but happily help my coworkers when they need it. I love people. I like working 12s for the flexibility but am ready even to give that up and trade in in for a 9-5 to preserve my sanity. I prefer to focus on one patient at a time. The direct life/death responsibility of nursing - knowing that one wrong mistake could take my patient's life completely stresses me out - and I'm on a Unit where that could easily happen. I'm so fearful of causing harm (and it's never happened that I'm aware of) that I am hesitant and untrusting of myself and my own judgment. When a patient has a BP of 103/56 and has three or four different BP meds all due at the same time... what do you give and what do you hold in the absence of clear parameters so the patient doesn't tank?!

I'm at my breaking point and ready to throw in the towel. I've lost a significant amount of weight recently and my anxiety is at an all time high. I absolutely DREAD every single next shift. Thoughts and ideas please??