Absolutely Fried

Warning, this is a vent: I am just feeling totally fried in nursing, like I've hit a brick wall and-aside from the drop in income to be honest-I don't care if I ever work in nursing again. Unfortunately, I'm 96% done with my BSN at this point, so I'm pretty committed to finishing that so that I at least have a Bachelor's in something.

Don't get me wrong, I care about others, but I'm sorry: I don't care enough to risk my mental/physical health or that of my loved ones. I'm not a martyr. I'm tired of the mind games from administration and the verbal/physical abuse I've put up with from patients and their families.

I am a hard worker, but when I get sick (like in the ER-before-shift sick and concussion-from-car-accident-coming-to-work "sick") I want to be able to call out without getting the third degree or being threatened that I will be fired/rack up occurrences toward being fired.

Speaking of policies, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to work for a place where they are followed by everyone vs the managers' "pets" being given a free pass.

I want to feel ethically/morally/legally comfortable in my job, not being encouraged to cut corners "because that's what everyone does" or for cost-cutting or time-saving measures.

I want a schedule that 1. won't kill me, and 2. will allow me to actually be off on my time off, not getting called to pick up hours/have some little nit-picky thing brought up that I didn't do/chart/pass along in report that I did but someone interpreted wrong or didn't read my notes or didn't write down when I was giving report. I don't mind working off-shifts (though I'm learning that they're starting to make me physically ill whenever I try these days) or weekends or holidays...to a point...but the sacrifice is starting to get old when there is minimal-to-no extra compensation or even simple appreciation.

I don't want to feel like I always have to look over my shoulder/watch my back with my coworkers because they're all looking to find someone else to throw under the bus so that scrutiny/back-biting/cliquey-sorority BS doesn't land on them.

I feel like I don't know which way is up anymore, where I want to go in my nursing career from here. I'm currently out of work due to Covid-related health issues that my formed job raked me over the coals for rather than giving me just the two more days I needed before I could return. I've checked out telecommute jobs and jobs in other specialties. I just can't get enthused enough to "sell" myself in cover letters or interviews. I just keep feeling like it will be more of the same: incompetent managers, abuse, martyr-like sacrifice expectations, no life outside of work, etc. I'm afraid that I don't have what it takes anymore.