work dictionary (funny terms)

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and

advancement by kissing up to the boss

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was

missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager, who flies in , makes a lot of noise, craps

over everything and then leaves.

Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream

only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chain saw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the

employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe and ill

advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot

is a serious CLM.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above

the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often

profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed

to solve.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to

leave the company or department soon.

404 - Someone who is clueless. From the World Wide Web error message

"404-URL Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be

located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him...he's a 404, man."

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same

no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,

subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot

what city we were in."

Ohno-second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that

you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an

electronic device to get it to work again.

Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate

relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my...um...friend."

Body Nazis - Hard core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down

on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

Idea Hamsters - People who always seem to have their idea generators

running.

Mouse Potato - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch

potato.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube

farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them

stops working to stat home with the kids. Stands for "Single Income, Two

Children, Oppressive Mortgage."

Starter Marriage - A short lived first marriage that ends in divorce with

not kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and

whiny.

Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because

the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's

workplace.

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an

office or work group.

G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well paying job people take in

order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are

solvent again.

Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but

you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a

prime example

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs

everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We

owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."