Why do I allways feel guilty??? (Parent nurses)
Featured Replies
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Currently Reading 0
- No registered users viewing this page.
View in the app
A better way to browse. Learn more.
Where I work, we have some nurses and CNA's that work seven days or nights a week on a regular basis. We have nurses, that pick up so many extra shifts, that they work 20, 30 days in a row. We even have one nurse now, that is currently attempting the biggest stunt in history of nursing and is working two full time jobs at two different facilities, both Monday through Friday.
I have two small children, 1 and 5 and I work two 12 hour nights a week. I would have liked to work three, but because of all those workaholics and because of the fact that I prefer not to work weekends (kids at home from school, no daycare on weekends, didn't want to burden dad, who works five to six days a week with child care etc.) the thrid day is currently not available for me.
Where I work, long term sub accute/rehab care for pt. on ventilators, with spinal cord and/or brain damage, mostly paras and quads, or vegetative state - I take care of literally the sickest of the sick, most of them lonely, depressed and suffering of sensory deprivation. I like to give them my undivided attention and do a 100% job to the best of my abilities. I feel like I am giving them a much better service and much more attention and simple human interaction, if I am not exhausted, because it is my umpht shift in a row and I'm practically fighting falling asleep standing up while leaning against the med cart.
At the same token, I feel like I am a much better mother to my kids, for the same reasons as stated in the previous sentence...
Don't get me wrong, I would like to have the extra money, God knows, I could use it, but I tried this chase after the world record of shifts worked in a row before, and it was a complete disaster. My family was falling appart and at work I suddenly found myself frustrated, unsatisfied.
So even if I feel like I have all good reasons for what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, why do I still feel guilty? At work I feel guilty that I don't put in more hours for the facility and at home I feel guilty that I'm not contributing enough financially. What the heck is up with that? Is this unique to the nurisng profession (this chase after extra shifts plus the guilt)? Why is the facility allways making me feel like I have to apologize over and over and explain why I can't come in this Saturday, or why I can't work a full five day week like Nurse Betty over here, that is single and childless and will come in at any time of day and night to fill in? And why do I feel like I have to appologize for the fact that I have a life outside of the facility? Is this feeling ever going to go away? And am I alone in this? Am I making sense?