TPAPN = prison

One day at a time. Why if all this was before you became a nurse are you in tpapn? You will learn some things are best left unsaid. Welcome to journey hang on it can be a long ride. We / I did this because I wanted to be a nurse worse than I wanted alcohol. Good luck

I'm not sure why they made me go to TPAPN. I had no idea it would be like this. I have made huge progress in my addiction. In the beginning when I talked to TPAPN they said that my restrictions would not be as severe as this. And said that It would be a case by case basis. I applaud everyone that has gone through this and came out on top. All I can do is buckle up its going to be a bumpy ride.

it's a shame you're being forced to relive your past, it seems many people in this country need a better education on addiction. I'm in the AP program in NC and it too is very rigorous. With that being said it is very doable too. Like you said just buckle up and be ready for turbulence, but if determined you will do it! I have 36 months on my contract and I've so far worked off 3 months..so I do feel your pain!

Thank you so much Hunniebadger. You definitely give me hope. Ill be on here often for encouragement . And good luck to you on your journey. One day at a time.

I'm on year 3 of a 3 year stint in TPAPN. I originally signed a contract for 2 years and then was forced to sign another for 3 years after admitting to suicidal ideation ( I was unemployed, pregnant, and we were close to being homeless). As nowim clean stated, with TPAPN some things are best left unsaid. My best advice would be to stay under the radar and toe the line. The list of products with alcohol that you need to avoid can be daunting, but you get used to it. Buy non-alcohol hand sanitizer on Amazon and carry that with you when you get working. Try to keep a good attitude when dealing with them because they wield an enormous amount of power over you. I have a friend in TPAPN who was given more urine drug screens because she was deemed to have a "bad attitude". If you've been in recovery for 4 years then I think you've got this. Go to meetings and check Recovery Trek every morning. Set an alarm on your phone and computer so you don't forget.

I've felt like I've been in prison myself, most the time. Nov marks 23 months in TPAPN for me, I won't let their rules get me. You've got to know the rules so read all the paperwork, submit all the forms before they are due, fly off the radar. I've only talked to my case manager3 times in the 23 months, I'm really good with that. I only tell them what they directly ask me, I never embellish or try to explain anything. I log in every morning and record the number on a calander by my desk (I've been asked for this before), then if you have to give a UA you have all day to plan. As far as the Household stuff, most that stuff I'd never use anyway. I picked out the items I could use then file the book away. I refer to it only if I add a new product (not so overwhelming that way). I focus my energy on living my life, I do what they ask and then move on, for I know, This too shall pass. If i'm lucky I'll be released in January, I signed a two year stint. Keep your head high, be your own best friend. Peace

I couldn't complete TPAPN, and it's not like me to not see something to the end. I had a case manager who was not helpful at all, ignored my thoughts and concerns regarding my physical and mental health, was given a lot of misinformation and ended up only tolerating TPAPN for 4 months. I'm only 5'3", weighed 106 at the start of the program and ended with a weight of 93 lbs and days... literally days of not sleeping because I was not allowed to take my prescribed medication (or any OTC) for my previously diagnosed insomnia. Now, more than likely, I will voluntarily surrender my nursing license even though nursing is the only career I really WANT and LOVE to do. However, I couldn't continue to let my physical and mental health continue to deteriorate at the rate that it was. I'm very nervous about the future, but at least now I'm sleeping better and my appetite is improving. Good luck to you and completing TPAPN!

Sj81, my heart is with you. I too have had many of the same issues as you, especially the insomnia, along with other illnesses that i needed to take meds for. To make a long story short, I opted not to attempt to get my license back after suspension (we moved to another state for a couple of years and then came back) and the main reason is that there is no tolerance for those of us that don't fit the mold of not needing to take medication, especially if that medication needs to change often.

I am now finishing up my Masters is Professional Counseling, and yes I will have to answer for what happened as I will be getting another license from the state. I pray that things will go smoothly.

I will tell you this, I will always be a nurse and while it was very hard for a while to think I would never work as one again, it does get easier.

PM me if you need to talk.

Hi Bettertheniuse2b--Welcome to the monitoring program family! I'm in HPMP in VA, and I think the programs are all pretty similar, in that they are strict, demanding, initially overwhelming, and frequently frustrating. I agree with the statements others have made--don't volunteer any information, be honest but not too honest, and just grit your teeth and get it done. I'm in my final year of a 5 year contract, and it feels like it's taken FOREVER to get this far...but I did it and I'm going to keep doing it 'til I'm done, by golly! And that's the attitude I think you should take! You have been clean and sober for years, you got through school, you got your license, and now you just have to get along with these people and keep succeeding! Be proud of all you have accomplished, you're doing great!

Sj81: I am so sorry you had such a bad experience--these programs really do seem pretty cookie-cutter and heaven help you if you don't fit the mold. However, I hate to think of you giving up--I was tempted to give up nursing, too, rather than conform to the seemingly impossible requirements and restrictions of my monitoring program; the thing was, like you, I LOVE nursing and can't even imagine doing something else! I had to suffer through a lot of pain--and insomnia--to find a mutually agreeable medication regimen for my medical issues, but I did find one! I would advise you to get your doctor(s) involved--try to find an "acceptable" medication regimen (no controlled or "abusable" medications are going to be acceptable once you've appeared on the Board's radar, at least not if you want to work), ask your doctor to write a letter about his/her assessment and recommendations, and appeal to the Board directly. I guarantee you aren't the first person to have a medical issue that conflicts with the monitoring program's restrictions. This is your career--you worked hard for it, don't give it up without a fight! Best of luck, whatever you decide to do!

I really think there need to be some serious changes to the policies/procedures regarding prior addiction hx and how if effects you and your nursing license. I think it's appalling that you are having to go through TPAPN YEARS after going through treatment and remaining sober. I view that as an insult and that in itself can be a trigger for some to want to relapse. Those who have beat addiction should be praised and celebrated, not punished by putting them through a rigorous monitoring and drug/alcohol screening (which you have to pay for) and then making it difficult for you to work as a nurse because of all of the restrictions! I hope the best for you and good luck with everything!

LisaB19,

Thank you for replying to my comment. As I mentioned, I revoked my participation with TPAPN in October, and went right away started working full time since I was technically allowed to since I no longer had to deal with TPAPN. I spoke with the BON prior to working and confirmed that I was allowed to continue to allow to work as a nurse until I get some sort of notification from the BON otherwise.

So, we are now in May and thankfully I'm still working. My insomnia has improved significantly, however, I am still struggling with weight loss. Unfortunately, my weight dropped to 83lbs and I cannot get it any higher than 90. I've increased my caloric intake but have little effect. I finally went to the Dr yesterday (Because I finally have insurance because I've been able to work since I'm done with TPAPN) to have labs drawn to check my thyroid as well as everything else. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that it's fair that nurses who NEED and are PRESCRIBED certain medications to maintain their health should at least be allowed to continue taking these medications while in TPAPN. I'm proof that I NEED certain medications to be healthy. I have not taken Ambien or Xanax, which were my meds previously prescribed to me and have been for years, since signing on with TPAPN in June 2014. Even after I removed myself from the program at the end of October, I did not get a script for these meds for different reasons. Main reason was because I was SOOOO BROKE since I had not been able to work D/T TPAPN. I didn't have health insurance either so the Dr. visit would have been expensive out of pocket. I was able to somewhat improve the insomnia by taking OTC meds such as Unisom (which was not allowed in TPAPN). Anxiety continued to be at an all time high however which brought along other symptoms/issues such as mild depression symptoms, increase of heart palpitations (I was having 1-3 episodes every hour), extreme fatigue, headaches...all of this can be prevented if I am taking an anxiolytic. All they care about is that you are on a particular med... but not why. They don't care that I was initially prescribed the anxiolytic back in 2006 to help manage my chronic heart palpitations. Without taking an anxiolytic, it has significant negative impact on my health.

Congrats to you on your new profession!! Sometimes I question as to whether or not I want to continue with nursing. I feel like just because I'm a nurse that doesn't mean I am in perfect health and don't have medical needs...and if having those needs means I can't be a nurse by the BON standards then I better pursue a different profession because I unfortunately am not perfect.