Thursday August 20th 2026

Oh, yep, I SLEPT! It was wonderful not to lay awake with my mind going on and on and on. I just curled up on my left side and I was GONE! 😴😴😴

I decided this new healthcare provider is actually an alien. At first I thought she might be trained by the military. She has what at first I labeled as a disquieting stare, but on further contemplation I decided it wasn't disquieting (not to me, tho' some might find it so) ... it is an extremely laser-focused, penetrating look (almost a stare) with a layer of 'interest' laid over it. There is little warmth to it, and her manner is a practiced and ultra-professional, maybe even a scripted approach. I immediately have been told to get labs (elsewhere, not done at this office) which include a drug-screening, which I have had to agree to have done at any given point in time, randomly; I have had to also agree to following her, well, not recommendations, exactly, but whatever she deems I need, seeing other healthcare providers, etc. It's sort of like she's the 'boss' and I will have barely any say-so. Quite bizarre if you ask me but of course, I am not asked.

It is also just quite odd that I have not been asked to provide the name of my previous PCP, nor any records from him or his practice, of my health history. I'm not entirely sure I will stay with this new practice. I feel that it is an unfortunate circumstance, it being Florida and all, that patients seem to be treated as suspected substance abusers above all else. I mean a four page "Substance Abuse Agreement" that must have each point of the 'agreement' acknowledged with initials.... feels like all are being painted with the same broad brush, guilty before being proven innocent, and even then, suspected of some kind of false presentation of self, regardless.

Since I have nothing to hide, I am going to go along for now, until such a point in time as I more strongly disagree with this approach; I find it mildly suspect that there seems to be little give and take, no 'getting to know you' aspect, and cursory personal engagement. I have never, in all my years as a nurse or just a patient, run across this type of 'health-care' approach. So, that is my 'assessment', and the reason I gave them an 8 instead of a 10 when 'surveyed' on my cell phone, immediately after my appointment. Nothing MAJOR as yet, but it certainly bears the same kind of observation that I am being treated with.

Guess it is time for me to get up and dressed and then start in by emptying trash, and maybe even tidying up. It is too ... as usual ... hot and humid to do anything outdoors, other than Tinker's walk around the premises. So, nothing to it but to do it!

I think it's only fair to extend the same kind of wariness to the health care provider as they do to you, Stars.

dianah, I agree with you about computers! I got an email alert from Capital One that I expect is legitimate telling me that my email address is found on "the dark web" and I should, at the least, change my password. I did that on the laptop, then went to reset the saved password on my phone and got it wrong. A series of errors led to my account being locked with no way to retrieve it except call AOL and -- here's the kicker -- PAY them for a support contract, essentially. I think it's pure extortion. I can cancel this little "support plan" at any time and, believe me, I will. I would just dump AOL after all these years and use another email service (there are still free ones, right?) except that there are some important things that are tied to that email address and making that change would be a lengthy and difficult process.

How old did you say Bleu is, Joe? Past the stage where his appetite could just be a growth spurt?

😂🤣😅I am being very cognizant of not eating my favorite kinds of "everything" crackers, rolls, bread, bagels, et al, so I won't have any poppy-seed residue in my urine or blood testing when I go get the labs done. Imagine I might be taken to task , so to speak, if there was an inconclusive or dubious content of anything tested from within this body!

J and S both said they think I should switch to the Baptist Hospital associated practice they go to. I very well may do just that, but I'll go through the one month follow-up appt and see what I think of Not-a-Doctor-(Alien)-Health-Care-Provider-(Dictator?) THEN, when they ask after that appointment for my rating of their practice ... well I WON'T say some things you can be sure, but I will say something about being a suspected Illegal Substance Abuser right off the bat, and being 'willing' to cede all health care decisions ("____initial here"!) she seems to think might be necessary before even talking with me about my life or anything else.

The night before my appt I had pretty much decided I was going to cancel that appt after I saw the four-page "agreement", but I also knew I might have to wait longer before I had another appt elsewhere, and might have had to endure more than one MORE night without sleep d/t withdrawal! << that's why I went anyway. I was being practical about my situation. And I do think my initial intuition was probably right, but my hesitance to follow it was also right since I could not have stood how bad I felt for too much longer! Just waiting through the 6 hours for her to finally call the script in was excruciating!

I learned something important a short while ago.... when it started thundering and Wolfie was whining outside the door of my room, and I went and grabbed him and dumped him on my bed .... TINKER immediately went into an ugly protective mode, stiff-legged, growling like, "DON'T walk past my toys!" and "DON'T you even THINK about sniffing my toys!" So I grabbed up Wolife and put him outside the baby-gate. Tinker hasn't ever got growly or mean with Wolfie, but then again, they've never been together in the same spot with TINKER's personal toys! I mean the dogs' casual friendship and tolerance does NOT allow for toy-sharing! BEWARE!

We are having our daily thunderstorm. The one that occurred the other day actually had a LOT of wind to it and it took TWO large, long branches off one of the palm-ISH (Or whatever kind they were) trees out back! Palm trees don't actually have long, heavy branches on them, do they? So I'm not any kind of botanist, but they WERE from trees, anyway, and the branches were rather large. Good that neither of them hit the house!

Time to get back to the whatever # episode from the 12th season of VERA. I think she only had 13 seasons, so I will have to find something else to stream pretty soon.

Meanwhile back at the ranch.... see yez laydah!

Good morning!

We had a huge thunderstorm at 1:30 with lots of lightning and thunder and torrential rains. Woke me and Waffles right up and we had to wait for it to pass.

Dianah that sounds frustrating. George is a member of Best's Buys Geek Squad if he can't get help over the phone he just takes his lap top in.

Stars, eventually you have to trust your instincts if you want to keep this doc or not. It's a shame with so much substance abuse they have to be like that. When I switched doctors a couple of years ago, she without question renewed by benzo and has been doing so since. I never was asked to submit to a drug test. I would trust your gut instincts on this whether it's best to play the game or just get someone else.

Work again today was fully staffed, but for being a tech short. Nurses are signing up for overtime bonuses and it's helping. Plus we have some nurses coming off of orientation. I'll be getting some of those bonuses to make up for the money I spent on flights, motel, rental car, air conditioner and dental work. I've taken a big hit lately.

I will also had that may current doctor is very business like and not warm and fuzzy. She doesn't smile much. Our visits are very short and she doesn't small talk. My BP follow up was about 2 minutes, my 3 months visits for the benzo are less than five minutes, my annual visits are a bit longer. But my gut feeling is she cares and listens, follows good protocol and is smart and I like her well enough.

I'll let y'all know in a month what my 'final answer' is on the (not a doctor) provider question, but I suspect I already know what it'll be. Gonna see what all my labs show first and what her 'orders' will be regarding them, because regardless of the things she thinks I must do next, I may have to inform her that I believe *I* am in charge of my own health-care decisions.