Thank you

Hi there. Maybe no one remembers but I wrote to you once, a couple years ago. I can't remember my old username password but I wanted you to know.

I was a brand new nurse working nightshift in a very busy level 1 trauma ICU with an awesome team. I had just suffered a late miscarriage of a very much wanted and longed for baby after 5 years trying to conceive. There was so much death. Sad outcomes for patients. For families. I had so much stress. I was unable to sleep or eat. I only wanted to be with my lost baby. My spouse wouldn't let me drive. He was afraid. Obviously, I was not in a good place.

I wrote here asking, like a lot of new nurses "what do I do?"

I got the good advice to put myself first. To get off nights, to allow myself the time to mourn. I was determined to get that first year of nursing experience under my belt. But you told me that it would be okay to stop for a bit. I had been worried when I wrote to you that I was too broken to be a nurse. Maybe I should surrender my license I said. And you said No. You are not broken. You are grieving.

I left my job. No one was mad. My husband supported me, like you said he would. Once I was off nights, I almost immediately started to get better, just as you predicted. I was still sad, but I could breathe again. I could sleep. I could heal. I was almost me again.

And just months later, I had a baby. My perfect, unplanned baby who's first sleepy sigh filled in the cracks of my broken heart with love like melted gold.

I was better, but not yet complete. Soon, I started looking for a nursing job. I knew that only dayshift would be possible for me. I knew I might have to work somewhere less desirable than before. I was honest in my interviews about my mere months of nursing experience. I was honest that I would need an extended orientation. I was shocked when I was hired.

I have been working ever since. I'm happy in my work and though there are hard days, there are never days like before. My patients are sick but there's hope. I am an effective, respected, compassionate nurse. I recieve the most wonderful notes from my boss, former patients and family. I am fulfilled.

I recently had another baby. And today, as I cuddled with my children on my day off I thought of your words, your compassion, your wisdom. Some of you PM'D me just asking how I've been. And so, I thank every one of you who wrote to me, who followed up with me, or even those who sent a good thought. You helped guide me through the darkest time of my life.

Thank you. I'm doing just fine. ❤