Hi all. I just completed my first semester of nursing school, and I'm waiting to see if I passed or not.
This semester truly was a rollercoaster, and I am glad that it's finally over so that I can finally relax. It was tough academically and emotionally, and I'm wondering if this is a field that's truly for me.
I've realized that I'm scared to have somebodies life completely in my hands. I understood that prior to starting clinicals, but while in clinicals, it all started to hit me. Like, one day, I really will have someones life in my hands. What if I hurt them? Will I know what I'm doing? Am I smart enough? Can I do this? The fact that I failed some tests and barely passed others didn't necessarily help. Adding to that, I struggled immensely with depression and anxiety this semester. I think the stress of school really brought it out. Now that the semester is over, I feel like myself again, but I'm scared of getting to that point again next semester. I felt sad and irritated all the time, and found it harder and harder to be interested in the material the farther we got into the semester. I was extremely overwhelmed.
The main reasons why I'm considering switching my major is again for the same reasons: I wonder if I'm smart enough (I made so many silly mistakes in clinicals, struggled so much with lecture and felt like a fish out of water in lab) and I wonder if I truly want the responsibility of having someones life in my hands. If I'm honest, I dont think I do, but I do realize that my self esteem and confidence took a hit as well. Adding depression and anxiety to the mix, I do not want to make a hasty decision that I will regret later.
I've honestly always wanted to be a nurse, and when I was younger, I felt so excited by the prospect of being one. I really enjoyed anatomy and physiology, I enjoy helping people, I like how flexible and broad the field is. I like how you get to mix science through learning about medications and how they affect the body, with empathy. I'm amazed by how much nurses know, how they're able to think of their feet, all of that. I cant even begin to think of all of the critical thinking that goes into everything they do on a daily basis. Truly, I think they are amazing.
I just dont think I'm cut out for it, and I dont know what else I would choose to major in. I've been looking into genetic counseling as it sounds interesting, but I'm scared that I'll look back and wish that I completed nursing school. But my heart and my mind just aren't in it anymore.
I hope that this makes sense to you all...I'm just looking on some guidance as to what I should do. Thank you.