sckooshy1

Oh my goodness. You guys are wonderful. I almost started to cry, immortalessence. They do see how miserable I am, how miserable he is, and how miserable things are. My daughter is almost 11, and my son is 5. My daughter already has anxiety and is a bit too pessimistic these days. My son knows that daddy almost never plays with him, but it is surprising how he brushes off the hurt when he is yelled at or rejected by daddy because he is a boy and craves daddy's love. I get snappy with them and yell because of the hostility I feel. I was almost ecstatic today after I called about a customer service phone position at Sutter that pays at least $19 an hour! That has to tell me something. I haven't felt that kind of happiness in a long time, and it was just the idea that made me feel that kind of happy. The position is open. I am going to get my resume together this week and apply. There are a couple things that could delay the process. My TEAS test is paid for already, so I really should finish studying for it and take it next month. The other, is that I am waiting for a call Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday from my son's cardiologist to let me know if my son will need to have another open-heart surgery. He has Tetralogy of Fallot and has been on propranolol for over a year, which helped, but his obstruction has become worse, and due to his asthma, increasing the dose is probably not best. I don't want to lose out on the job opportunity, but I would have to wait until my kiddo was all better from surgery before starting a job. I haven't worked in about four years and am terrified of failing. Also, I don't want to have my hopes up for a job I may not get. Once again, these replies are so good to hear. They help my perspective. They help me feel my response to what I want to hear, and help my realization of my situation. Thank you so much.

Flemingrl83- I am a Christian and the kids and I attend church. I have several people praying for my husband over the years and have done so myself. Yes, I knew how he was when I married him, although I was young and he was not on pills then. I have godly wife friends telling me to just pray for him and to practically be a martyr for the faith, and if that means being miserable for another 16 years, then I am going to go nuts more than I already have! I never wanted to break up my family, but it is already broken. I am broken. I still want to be a nurse so badly, but I think it is time to stop sacrificing myself to get there. I am miserable, and everybody knows, and I have told him. No one miraculously changes who they are, only the things they do, and I've waited around long enough. Even if he is successful with overcoming his pill addiction that he has had for so long, he and I had problems unrelated to that. I really need to hear myself and find my way out, because it seems to make me feel happier than staying in misery just to pursue my dream career. I appreciate all of the responses from those of you who have been there. I hope that if I do leave, I can figure out how to still go to nursing school. Right now, I have no idea how I would do that if I had to work full-time.

Yes, I have attended Al-Anon and have been reading about my co-dependency. The addiction is just one big thing. The big betrayal is the lies he has told me to cover up his pill buying. I found out from his boss' wife that he owes her money because he told her his bank account was hacked and she wrote him a check for $700! She started taking it out of his check because he won't and can't pay her back because we are so behind on bills. The last time my son got a haircut was because I used graduation gift money. He does nothing with us as a family. Never any trips or vacations. When we get tax returns, I get money enough to buy what me and the kids have needed, like clothes, shoes, etc., and the rest goes to buying parts for his car that sits in the garage. It runs, but it is a project car that he won't stop wasting money on. He has put us into bankruptcy. Five years unresolved, but finally taken care of after his wages were almost attached! We have been in the same duplex for 12 years! We just got food for the week with his mom's credit card, which he never pays her back for. He was just forced to have to get me medical insurance because of the law, and I did the footwork to get myself covered, but worried he wouldn't be able to pay it, especially when he said he wouldn't pay until he got a bill in the mail, even though there are deadlines and they are behind with sending bills to people. Other things have been, like how he got irritated with me because I didn't bring his soda to him right away when my my son was recovering from open-heart surgery and I went into his room with my mom and sister when they came to visit the hospital. I guess I was supposed to put his soda first! Which brings me to the $200 a month he spends on diet Pepsi, yet we have just enough food to get us by! He has said there is nothing happy in his life. He told me years ago that our son was a mistake because he felt inconvenienced for whatever reason, yet our son was planned for a long time. He said this on front of our older daughter. He doesn't hesitate to say racial slurs around the kids. He sometimes calls them "son of a *****" when he is mad. He used to break things, which I like to think I put a stop to. He has attended one school event just recently for my daughter who is 10, and that was probably out of guilt, but it meant a lot to her. The other day, he was on his way back to watching tv in the bedroom after getting a bowl of cereal and I was talking to him in the kitchen, but I guess I talked to him too long because his cereal was gone and then he said "There's another snack I didn't get to sit down and eat." So I said "Wow. You don't hesitate to let me know when I inconvenience you!" He has told me that he can't wait until I make money. He talks about the stuff he wants me to buy, like already trying to control what car I would buy. I told him that what I spend money on will be MY choice, and he didn't like that. I feel like we have been together so long that it's like he owns me. I wish I could leave YEARS AGO. I have been taking pre-reqs for years, finally graduated with my two year degree, and now that I am ready to apply to programs, I am terrified. Terrified I won't make it through, or that I owe it to him to stay with him if I succeed. I can't imagine how I would support the kids and I if I didn't do the program while staying with him, because I know I couldn't handle working and being in a program. But, if I left him and got on welfare, I heard that they take it out of his check, and I don't know if I could do that, or if welfare would even be enough to support my kids and I. We would probably get enough food stamps, which would be nice. I feel helpless, and stupid. I feel cornered and angry. I know that I should just stay and struggle, and try to focus on making it through a nursing program while dealing with him, but even if he is not taking pills, I still don't like him or respect him anymore. He spends our money poorly. Almost $200 a month for our cell phones, almost $200 a month for our cable bill, almost $200 a month on his soda habit, and what we have left is for food and gas? The only gas I get anymore is what he rips off from his company because we use the company credit card for my gas. The car I drive is in his name. He ruined our credit. Other than my degree, I had almost nine years experience in a customer service desk job, so I feel that I could get a job that makes just enough to get by on my own with the kids, but I cannot go to nursing school if I do that. There is so much more, and I could go on for hours because that's all I seem to do is annoy people with how unhappy I am. I used to be positive. Now I'm just dreadful. Any opinions, beliefs, suggestions, or ideas would be appreciated. I am really ready to jump ship, but nursing school is so close and I don't want to be stupid either way with my decisions.

I wonder if it is possible to successfully get through a nursing program when you are married to someone who makes life difficult? My husband has been hooked on pills for a few years now. All of the sudden, he goes to the rehab place to get suboxone? and I am supposed to believe everything.is all better now? A week ago we got a final notice on our electricity bill! He has been using the little money we have to buy groceries and pay bills, to buy pills from some guy he knows?! What about our kids who need haircuts and shoes?!! How am I going to survive through a nursing program with a husband that is careless with the money he brings home, doesn't incorporate food into our budget, and is an addict that might possibly be recovering? He works, but I do all the rest. I cannot stand him anymore and I feel I would OWE him if I stayed with him through nursing school. But, if I quit now to get a job so I can better provide for my kids and myself, just when I am almost ready to apply, then I don't know when I could go to school. Are there programs for single mothers to get financial support for nursing school? It's either stay, struggle, and deal with this horrible marriage, or leave, struggle, and give up my dream. How can I focus on nursing school if I am angry all the time? Has anyone else dealt with this?

Helpful. I am sure I will need more time than this, but it helps that some of you did not need a whole lot of time and still did well. Thanks.

I have this same question. I have 7 weeks before my TEAS test. Is that enough time?!! Answers please!!!

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement! I made it through barely with a C! Went on to my A&P classes with a B and then an A!!! So micro is proving to be tough with alot of chemistry involved, but I am going to do this too! I appreciate the support! I am so close to taking the TEAS test and applying to programs! So close.

Thanks everyone! I got through it! I got a C, but I was lucky to get that even. I took A&P1 and got a B, and A&P2 got an A!!! So I definitely surpassed my expectations! Now that I have one more to go, which is micro, and it is so much like chemistry, I am freaking out again! I freaked out alot through my A&Ps too. It's like a rollercoaster! I wish I didn't have anxiety issues. Anyway, I still have time to figure out this micro class, and HOPE to at least get a B, although I wanted an A, this one seems to be a nightmare, flashback to chem.

Thanks everyone! So much good advice. I feel alone at times, and it would be nice to have more people to turn to who have been there, but it is true also that I don't need to bug the nurses I do know everytime I see them about my struggles in class. My husband is supportive enough that I can do what I need to do, and he likes to see me doing well since this is what I have been working for for so long and it takes most of my time. I am not discouraged at this moment. Maybe next week I will be, but that is how it has gone for years, and I am still at it! :)

Glad I came across this one! I am on my last prereq before I can apply to ASN programs, and I am taking micro! It is TOUGH for me. S much chemistry involved, and I was lucky to pass chem in the first place! My professor seems to grade well, but I even went to tutoring and had a hard time with glycolysis, Krebs Cycle, ETC, you name it. If it's any chemistry concept, I go blank! I did great in A&P 1 and 2! This is killing me. Lecture mostly. Lab is okay. I have alot of anxiety with lab because I am slow, but my lab partners are fast! I feel pretty stupid sometimes that I am just trying to figure out what they are doing while they are doing it, but tonight I pre-read the assignment and that helped because I hadn't been doing that, so I knew what to do for the most part. Sometimes I feel like if I cannot handle one micro class, how am I going to handle the actual nursing program?!! That terrifies me. Sorry, didn't really put your mind at ease there. You are going for your BSN, so you are in a much higher class than I would take. Do you even need a B or higher in statistics? I know that in the colleges here, at least the associate degree ones, they only look to see if you got a B or higher in the 3 science classes. A's give you more points to get in.

YES! The kids and I all got the flu! My 3 yr old son is better, but my 9 yr old daughter still has cough and fever but no more vomiting. And I was up all night vomiting pieces of my stomach, and bloody stomach acid. Feels like my stomach went through a cheese grater. Luckily, I feel better. Sore tummy, but less dehydrated, and better. OH! And then my husband comes home with a ton of disinfecting products and won't go into the room I am in when I had showered and disinfected already. I did get him to go out and get me some gingerale when I said that I could have used some, but I didn't think he was stopping anywhere after work. I said "I don't expect hugs or sympathy, because I take care of myself, but I don't have ANYTHING to make me feel better." I hate complaining. My husband is a hypochondriac, so he was all "we have the flu", and I was like "You don't! You're fine!" And he was like "I'm nauseous" and "I will probably throw up later." DRIVES ME NUTS!!! I hate when people talk and worry about themselves when nothing is even wrong with them. He does that at least every other day. He comes home from work and says "Guy at work was sick and now I'm all nauseated and think I am getting sick now." Ughh! And he is trippin' like 100% of the time. Insane. Random rant. Thanks for listening. I will now go suffer quietly because I am actually sick, and of course, tend to my sick children as well. My kids had the flu shot in October, but I guess that didn't make a difference for January.

I knew I forgot to mention that I am a pre-nursing student. I have been taking classes part-time for about 8 years. I am finally to A&P and I just don't have the encouragment I once had from friends who are nurses. Which is strange because I am down to 3 pre-reqs and am almost done with them, and it seems the nurses that once encouraged me are uninterested in being there for me. I am not asking them to make decisions for me. I know what I want to do. The questions I ask them are more like, "How did you get through this (____)?" Or, "how did you do in this class?" Or things like that. Sometimes I have gotten responses from them in the past like "It's not for everyone." Or, "You can always do something different like X-Ray Tech." I never liked those responses because I was looking for support and encouragement, not discouragement or other options. I am not trying to complain to them, I simply have alot of anxiety and more difficulty with school because of some amount of learning disabilities. So, does this make sense now? I guess I should realize that until I actually finish my pre-reqs and get into a nursing program, no one will take me seriously or give me any encouragment.

So, I was introduced to the idea of nursing about 9 years ago from my friend who was on her way to becoming a nurse. She is now a nurse, as is her sister, mother, sister-in-law.. so on. I also have another distant friend who became a nurse, which I kinda talked her into, rather than physical therapy that she was considering. So here's my problem: These women either once encouraged me and were supportive, and are now unavailable, or I ask them things and get no support it seems, or no replies to a message on Facebook, when they are my Facebook friends, so I know they got the message. I just need some encouragment! A friend who has BEEN THERE and that IS already through what I am going through. A friend that I can ask my questions and relate my fears with! I need someone to remind me that it is possible, just like they once told me! Does anyone know what I mean?! I feel SO ALONE. No one encourages me, except my husband, and he just wants me to make money already, so you know how that goes. Thanks guys.

Gosh! Eww! Thanks everyone for your responses! Sounds like I am in for some surprises and hard work! Luckily, I am pretty good with spelling and memorization. Interest in the subject should help me also. I said eww of course because alot mentioned here is gross, but usually the thought of things is more gross to me than actually experiencing it. Things are not as a bad as they seem, and I am not grossed out too easily. But when I am, I deal. I love hearing all of your experiences too! Keep em' coming! :)

I am taking the first A&P next month and I just realized the lab is 3 hours! Why?! What am I going to be doing in lab? I am scared to death! I barely passed chemistry... the third try. Can anyone who took these already tell me if A&P was easier for them than chemistry was? Other than that... what the heck takes three hours?!! Thanks!