KaseyJo

Congratulations; you have SO much to be proud of! It sounds like you're doing all of the right things. I read your story and related to so much of it. If you ever need to talk to anyone, I would be more than happy to be there and share stories. Best of luck on your journey :)

Hello there. I'm not from California and am not familiar with this state's laws and regulations, however, I wanted to commend you on 11 years of sobriety. That is an amazing accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. It sounds like you've come a long way and I don't think you've come this far for nothing. Keep doing what you're doing and something good will happen. Best of luck!!

Just writing to see how you were doing. I do an awful lot of reading on this site but not an awful lot of commenting. But, I wanted to say that I was thinking about you and your situation and was saying a prayer that something good will come for you. I understand how difficult it can be to overcome your past. I never believed in myself even when everyone else did. Now that I finally believe in myself after 3+ years of sobriety, it has been difficult to find outsiders to believe in me. I, too, pray that someone will see me for the person that I am and what I've overcome rather than what I've done in the past. It's one of the most difficult things, but I believe that it can be done. Remember...one day at a time. Keep us updated and best of luck to you!! :)

Positive thoughts to you!! After my license was temporarily suspended, I obtained a position as a Medical Case Manager working with HIV/AIDS clients (in a non-profit organization). The qualifications demanded a Bachelor's degree in any health or human services field. Although this is not the position I intend to be in for the rest of my career, it has been a Godsend to keep me connected to health care. I am able to do what I love, which is to help people. I pray that this interview goes well for you. It is not impossible! Have faith :)

Thank you for sharing your story and PLEASE know that you are not alone. I feel the same exact way with my current situation and would be more than happy to talk with you about your situation, if you need to vent. Some days seem very overwhelming and depressing, but that's why we need to take one day at a time and have faith that our hard work WILL pay off. Your situation is not impossible, even though it appears that way. And remember, when you land that position, know that your past will allow you to be a much more compassionate, hard working nurse than before. Don't give up hope

Congratulations on your sobriety. That is something to be very proud of :) Please, please, please do not give up. Do not listen to people who say it is not possible. It IS possible and I know that you will find something. Maybe it would be helpful to start searching in an area that you wouldn't normally look. There are many "behind the scenes" nursing positions that may be of interest to you that can get your foot in the door. Once you're connected to an organization and they are able to witness your work ethic and strong desire to better yourself, I feel that it would be much easier to transition to a position that may be more enjoyable to you. I'm no expert, but I know that this is possible. Keep your head up. I am in a very similar position and would be more than happy to talk with you more. Best of luck!

Thank you, Anne. I appreciate that very much :)

I'm sorry! It's not like me to just fall off the face of the earth and not respond or update. Life as a first time mom in school and working full time has been busy! Also, thank you for your kind words. I am beyond nervous for the future ? but realized that I've done as much as I can do to improve my situation. Thank you, again!

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment. It gives me courage to know that other people (nurses) have been through similar circumstances and have survived and actually "thrived" as you have. Good for you. I try to make my sobriety my number one priority in life and I pray that the hard work pays off in the end. Again, thank you for your encouraging words.

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I have never felt so encouraged

Wow. Thank you guys so much. I know I should feel proud, but I have a difficult time doing so. It's a work in progress, I suppose. Thank you very much for the encouraging words.

That is very helpful advice and I need to constantly remind myself to put this situation into perspective. I have been told that I am by far the harshest critic when it comes to the mistakes I've made. Part of me still wants to make myself feel guilty and ashamed about the past and even about overcoming what I've overcome, like I don't deserve happiness or success. I know this is distorted, unhealthy thinking and that I don't truly deserve a life sentence of misery and pain. It's hard for me to explain....But, I do know and trust that this was my path for a reason. And, like you mentioned, I have become the person I've become and met the most amazing people because of this path. I guess I just have my good days and bad days in regards to believing in myself. But, thank you again. Encouraging words are so helpful to me :)

Wow. My eyes are filled with tears. I felt that I could have written this myself. Congratulations to you; you have much to be proud of.

Thank you very much for your response. I really appreciate it. Some days, I can motivate myself and provide myself with enough strength to look forward. Other days, I can feel defeated and overwhelmed by the whole process......and yes, fear. While I feel that this has been (by far) the worst experience of my life, I know it could have been significantly worse. After feeling a little discouraged this morning, your response really lifted my spirits. Thank you!

Hello everyone, The last time I was on this forum was mid 2012. I apologize for the length of this thread, however, I was just looking for a little support. This was my last post in July 2012: Hello everyone, I have posted before about my issues so I won't go into more detail. I currently and recently have a suspended RN license for 2 years for diversion of narcotics after falling into postpartum depression. Since then, I have had a very difficult time pulling myself together because of the shame and guilt I am experiencing. Currently, I am staying at home with my 7 month old daughter and doing all of the necessary compliance recommendations of the Board of Nursing. I was hoping to say that things have gotten easier since this past February but they have not been. I have been having a very, very difficult time forgiving myself and have a great deal of self hatred that I am dealing with. I feel like a failure. I sincerely care deeply about my profession and about my patients and am having a terrible time being away from nursing. However, I have been entirely sober and do not have ANY desire to use whatsoever. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Anyway, I have always wanted to get my Masters degree in the healthcare field. Obviously, it would be my choice for it to be in Nursing but since I don't qualify for a MSN due to my current suspended license, I was wondering what you all thought about a Masters in Healthcare Administration. I would love to be a Nursing Director or a Nurse Manager etc.. someday but I feel extremely discouraged about the recent suspension. I hate to not get a Masters in Nursing specifically but.... would I be able to be a Nurse Manager/Administrator someday when my license is reinstated?? Would this Masters degree be helpful to the Bachelors degree that I already have? I was wondering if it would be an asset to my Bachelors or just not even worth it. Do any of you know the significant differences between a Masters Degree in Nursing: Nursing Administration and a Masters of Healthcare Administration? Can I get similar jobs? This is of course AFTER my license is reinstated. I figured that since I am home with my daughter anyway, I could look into an online Masters program. I hate to get excited about this because I don't want to be let down but this could most definitely help me get through these next few years. Please let me know what you all think. I greatly appreciate your comments. So sorry this was so long Fast forward two years: Clean and sober of all mood altering chemicals/alcohol since my initial date of sobriety (almost three years sober and feeling great) Attend at least two or three meetings a week among many other meetings/apts. Compliant with all of the nursing board's demands and requests Started and completed my Masters Degree in Health Care Administration Recently reapplied for my nursing license in September and am anxiously awaiting the next step Chasing around a very busy "almost" three year old I am not writing this to brag, whatsoever. I am writing because I am ready for the next step in this long process and I have been praying and praying (and PRAYING) that everything works out the way it's meant to work out. Although my husband and I have been getting by, the financial strain of my mistakes and faults have taken a tremendous toll over the past few years. I feel like I have been attempting to be very strong, but there are times when I need encouragement and prayers and am too afraid to ask. Now is one of those times. I am taking the risk of asking for that here because I know others have been in the same shoes. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me.

Thank you all SO much for your help. I apologize for not replying sooner. I haven't had any internet for several weeks after a flood we had. I take all of your recomendations seriously and I appreciate your honesty. I'm a very motivated person and will have a hard time not going to school at this time. But, I'm still thinking about it :) Thank you again. I will keep you updated.

Thank you all for your words of advice. I really appreciate it. I do have a sponsor and am currently working the steps. I am doing things honestly and thoroughly. I have always been very hard on myself and it's gotten extreme since my relapse. I forgive other people so easily but I have a very hard time forgiving myself. I feel that I'm doing the necessary steps in my recovery at this time, it's just a very slow process and I still have so much to learn. Again, I appreciate your support. Thank you :)

Hello everyone, I have posted before about my issues so I won't go into more detail. I currently and recently have a suspended RN license for 2 years for diversion of narcotics. Since then, I have had a very difficult time pulling myself together because of the shame and guilt I am experiencing. Currently, I am staying at home with my 7 month old daughter and doing all of the necessary compliance recommendations of the Board of Nursing. I was hoping to say that things have gotten easier since this past February but they have not been. I have been having a very, very difficult time forgiving myself and have a great deal of self hatred that I am dealing with. I feel like a failure. I sincerely care deeply about my profession and about my patients and am having a terrible time being away from nursing. However, I have been entirely sober and do not have ANY desire to use whatsoever. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Anyway, I have always wanted to get my Masters degree in the healthcare field. Obviously, it would be my choice for it to be in Nursing but since I don't qualify for a MSN due to my current suspended license, I was wondering what you all thought about a Masters in Healthcare Administration. I would love to be a Nursing Director or a Nurse Manager etc.. someday but I feel extremely discouraged about the recent suspension. I hate to not get a Masters in Nursing specifically but.... would I be able to be a Nurse Manager/Administrator someday when my license is reinstated?? Would this Masters degree be helpful to the Bachelors degree that I already have? I was wondering if it would be an asset to my Bachelors or just not even worth it. Do any of you know the significant differences between a Masters Degree in Nursing: Nursing Administration and a Masters of Healthcare Administration? Can I get similar jobs? This is of course AFTER my license is reinstated. I figured that since I am home with my daughter anyway, I could look into an online Masters program. I hate to get excited about this because I don't want to be let down but this could most definitely help me get through these next few years. Please let me know what you all think. I greatly appreciate your comments. So sorry this was so long

Thank you very much for sharing and please do not feel obligated to share "everything" if you do not feel comfortable doing so. My initial descent into prescription medications stemmed from a very traumatic experience as well and I understand you not wanting to disclose everything. Unfortunately, with this disease, the stigma associated with addicted nurses is painful and isolating. I do attend NA/AA frequently. I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist. I am doing everything possible to better my situation. Both the Health Professional Services Program Case Manager as well as my Lawyer were shocked with the 3 year suspension but I was willing to accept any punishment for my wrong doing. I'm not saying that I don't deserve it, I'm just trying to learn acceptance. I am grateful for what I do have but frequently feel lost and defeated. I've always been a very positive person and I'm wondering where that person is right now. I have learned many things about myself and about life in the past few months....and for that, I am very grateful. I guess it's just the dread of how difficult the next 3 years are going to be on my husband and daughter. Anyway, enough complaining. Thank you for your story. I appreciate it. :)

Hello and welcome to the site :). I won't go into detail about my story because I already wrote a million pages about it on a previous post. You can read it if you're bored However, our stories are very similar. In my situation, my license was suspended recently and will be so for about 3 years. It's only been a few months and I had been doing well with maintaining my hope and optimism. However, lately I haven't been doing as well with that. Feelings of depression have started taking over. I am not at all concerned about my sobriety as I have no feelings of returning to that dark place. It might be a combination of having a new baby, having absolutely no money, the fear of losing our home/bankruptcy, fighting with my husband about all of the troubles I have caused, having almost no friends....and the list goes on and on and on. I am very impressed with and encouraged by your story. Are you still practicing? Sometimes it helps me to hear of others going through the same struggles. I, too, was an ICU nurse and I miss it terribly. Lately, I just seem increasingly discouraged and shameful. I have a strong desire to make a difference in this world and I feel like I'm currently doing the opposite. I'm not at all trying to make you feel bad. I am very happy you are doing better. I think that's amazing that you are able to see through the darkness. My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry that you had to endure such trama but you will be a MUCH better person and nurse because of it. Let me know if you need to vent. I am always here :)

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time but I do feel that you are doing EVERYTHING you need to be doing. You are not alone in this. I am scared for myself as well. I am here if you need to vent. I tried looking at other options for you in the Twin Cities area but I wasn't able to find much since I am not familiar with LPN positions. I apologize. Let me know if you need to talk. I've been feeling very defeated lately as well and even though I am married, he does not understand how I feel. So, talking would be helpful for me too. I have to have faith that things will be okay for us. They will be.

I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, I have had a rough couple of days. I'm going to try to look into more LPN positions but I'm more familiar with RN positions. Interim Healthcare is an organization that has been great at working with nurses who have restrictions. Many psych positions as well as the obvious chemical dependency nursing positions are very accepting as long as you have maintained your sobriety. There are many places that you could "start out" with that are restriction friendly, particularly dialysis units, online or phone nursing, and other areas that narcotics are not even an issue. I will do some more investigating for you. Or....we could start our own business in Minnesota and make tons of money and never have to work again. It's just a thought I'll get back to you on more ideas.

I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice because I have many of my own issues...but, in my situation, I found that being honest was my best and only choice. While it meant that my punishment was likely to be more severe and lengthy, I knew that I couldn't be deceptive anymore....in any areas of my life. I want to start clean and that's what I'm currently trying to do. I had many people tell me to deny my actions but I knew that if I did that, my problem would only continue and most definitely become worse. Yes, the punishment may seem overdue in your situation, but I have a feeling that until your debt is paid, the problem will not go away. That being said, I think it's very important for you to emphasize your sobriety and the work you've done to maintain your sobriety. Will they allow you to re-enroll in a program again? I would look into that if I were you. Again, I have problems of my own....and while our stories are different, our issues are similar. And I know that for me, being honest, especially with myself, has been the only option for me to start my new life. Best of luck to you. I will keep you in my thoughts. :)

I just wanted to clarify. So you are an LPN? I can certainly try to contact some people that I know who might have good ideas if you're an LPN. Thank you :)

I, too, live in Minnesota and am currently enrolled in HPSP. I will be going through the same thing in the future as my license is currently in the process of suspension. I see that you live in Minneapolis? I used to live there and I know that there are plenty of options for nurses who have narcotic restrictions. I used to work in Minneapolis with nurses who had restrictions so there is definitely hope. I also know of nurses who, after returning from suspension, applied for positions in which narcotics were not even a part of the job. Maybe that's an idea, too. And living in the Twin Cities, there are many, many nursing jobs that do not require administration of controlled substances. I suppose it's just a thought. We are in the same boat, in the same state :) so if you give up hope, then I have to, too ....and I can't do that. I wish the very best for you.