CynthiaG

My computer for whatever reason linked to my facebook I did not do it intentionally.

I graduated in December 2011 with my ADN-RN. I had my first interview before I even graduated. In the evening hours after that interview one of the nurse managers called me and offered me a job. The HR people said they would be contacting me that Friday. That nurse manager called me from her cell. Strange right? I told her that I was wanting to see if I could get hired on the step-down unit and if not I would love to come work for her. All the while waiting for Friday to come around I was anticipating at least getting an offer from the nurse manager that called me. Friday comes around and HR says sorry but we don't have any positions available for you at this time. My first exposure to the nasty world of nursing politics. My first job was in a nursing home. I quit in 4 days. I could not handle 27 patients, head to toe charting and only 3 days orientation. Many treatments and meds were missed due to time constraints. I was exhausted, scared and not willing to risk my license. I thought for sure I would be more comfortable in a hospital setting where I would have more support. I then got an externship in L&D which I thought at the time was a gift from God seeing as how that was why I got into nursing and that it wasn't everyday that a new grad gets chosen for such a prestigious unit. I had done my last clinical rotation on a postpartum floor and loved it. I made the mistake of choosing L&D instead of postpartum because of desire and not thinking about what I could have handled. Once on the L&D floor I starting having panic attacks. I soon realized that I did not want to be adjusting pitocin, making truly independent decisions without the approval of a physician and many many more responsibilities I was just not comfortable with. Being in constant fear a baby and/or mom could die due to a mistake I made, constant charting. On top of all that at the end of our 16 week training I would be all on my own. I asked to be moved to postpartum since it had been originally offered to me. Manger said yes, Director of Nursing said no. She offered me the vacant OR position which when the other nurses found out was a decision I regretted agreeing to. I was cussed at, yelled at, looked at ugly and by the end of the day most of the nurses had called management to complain about me. I quit. I figured at this time I would not be moved, I was physically sick from stress and anxiety and none of the nurses on the floor would be willing to lend a helping hand or take me under their wing after that. Feeling very depressed and after a few months I decided I should start substitute teaching for a local school district. The offered me the option to sub nurse. I agreed thinking yet again God was leading me. I loved school nursing. I was very reliable, and always was available to help the nurses. I even got offered a long term sub assignment in the nurses office where I served for 3 months. The head nurse had even offered me a full time position. When I showed up to the interview the Director of the nurses, who is not a nurse, told me that I look too young to work at the high school, dont have enough experience and dont know my scope of practice do to my inexperience. The position at the school I was at for 3 months opened up and I didn't even get an interview. The politics in this game of nursing are just plain sick. Its not worth it to be overloaded with responsibility, being bullied by older nurses, and all the while live in constant fear of making a mistake. I truly believe the nursing profession to be greatly glorified and I can't understand why anyone would want to live such a miserable life. I have recently taken a job at a school as a teachers aid making about half what I did at nursing. I will get to spend all holidays, weekends, and summer vacation with my daughter. I am very angry for the time I wasted in nursing school and the money wasted but I guess I can take it as a lesson learned. If deep down you feel like nursing is not for you and you have second thoughts in nursing school like I did take them seriously. I will be returning to school this fall to work on a degree in Education. I worry about bills constantly but with my anxiety I just cant do nursing. I am miserable living with my in-laws and its hard to see an end in sight.

The OR was the same department as L&D so its really only one job. I also have a professional letter of recommendation from the ADON at the nursing home. The job I'm at now is only my 3rd job and I don't plan on quitting. By the time I can apply to the pediatric hospital I will have around 6 months experience at my current job. I will only be applying for the RN residency position. I am only seeing a PCP for my anxiety. She wants me in counseling but I cannot afford it financially at this time. I' doing the best I can do . I also plan on getting letters of reccomendation from the nurses I sub for as I have developed a good relationship with them.

When I graduated I started working a cpl of different jobs and had a complete mental breakdown. NO ONE will understand how stressful it is to be a nurse and have to deal with all that we have to deal with. Nurses will stab each other in the back with no problem and new nurses get eaten alive. Nursing is multifaceted and I STRONGLY believe you cannot just walk in to your local hospital and assume the role of an RN. It is not a job. Its not something that you can do because "well I have bills to pay." You have an added stress of feeling responsible for your family and trying to assimilate not only to America but to the world of nursing. I myself went through a period after I started working when I said if this is what nursing is I don't want anything to do with it. Every thing you said above is 100% accurate. New nurses do get eaten alive. You are expected to know everything and if you forgot something you either feel like an idiot or someone calls you an idiot. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. You cannot take care of patients unless you are healthy and not going to be having a burnout. There is not going to be a way to explain your feelings to anyone except those that have been through what you have been through. Most of my family members DO NOT understand the world of nursing and what it takes and what kind of stress we undergo. It sounds like you are going through a transitional crisis that is VERY common with new nurses. A lot of people including myself have felt the way you are feeling now. The important thing to remember is if you want to do this you need to do it for you and not worry about what others expect of you. You are living your life not anyone else. You are the one who holds the responsibility. Trying to please others and ignoring your own needs and feelings will only hurt you in the long run. Just remember.............A LOT of nurses go through this. Hang in there!

I graduated last December and started working in a nursing home. I lasted about a week. It was stressful and I couldn't do it. I felt at that time that if I didn't get a job in a doctors office or something low stress I just wouldn't be able to be a nurse. Well I kinda picked myself up and decided to go for a hospital job. Applied for a med-surg residency and ended up snagging my "dream job" L&D. I thought I had been blessed with this amazing gift of the job that I had wanted all along. WRONG!!! I ended up having a nervous breakdown! I felt completely fine going into that job but as soon as I was there and started getting into the role I just couldn't handle the idea of having that much responsibility. When I went to my manager with my concerns they decided to move me to OR which I was very happy with but it pretty much made all the seasoned nurses hate me and I was getting a lot of flak for it. Long story kinda short with all that stress and one blow after another I quit. I have a history of anxiety and have had a really really really rough year and start to my nursing career. For months I swore I just couldn't do it. I am so optimistic and really feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. I have never been a quitter. No one gets through nursing school otherwise especially when they have a small child. Did I just expect too much of myself? Did I undergo so much stress for so long I finally just broke? I started school when my daughter was 4 months old and in nursing school I was the secretary for the SNA. I did pretty well in nursing school and I was known for having my stuff together and knowing my stuff. For the last cpl months I have been sub nursing for a local school district. I have been doing well and I really enjoy it. I really haven't experienced anxiety about my role/responsibility even when there is an emergency. Why on earth am I feeling so anxiety-free even though I am most of the time all by myself, passing meds, first aid, head injury assessments, asthma attacks, vomiting, fevers, restraint assessments, managing the diabetics care plans, insulin pumps, getting called outside and running because I get a call and they don't know if the child is conscious or not etc....... I have been on some anxiety meds after my last meltdown. I am starting to feel really really comfortable with the idea of returning to the hospital and trying to land a peds position. I love school nursing so much but I feel like I am missing out of the great experience the hospital will give me and I am craving the satisfaction I had in nursing school. I miss the skills and the IV's and the fun stuff. I really do want to be an excellent nurse. I want to be someone who knows what they are doing like for real :) I get way jealous when I see my friends prospering in their roles as RN's. I know its not easy for them either and It wont be easy for me but I really want it. Some things have settled down in my home life as well which I am sure will ease my stress. How do I explain my job hopping on my resume to make it sound not so CRAZY?????

I have zero experience. I tried working in a nursing home for a week and then landed my forever dream of OB nursing. Both times I ended up having a nervous breakdown before I really even got anywhere. I think the weight of the situation came down on me very hard. I don't want the responsability of bedside nursing and without experience I cannot just go and find a laid back nursing job. I cannot just deal with a floor job until I get that experience. I just cant do it. Everyone says oh you will get used to it. It will take a year or two and you will be a nervous wreck or vomit everyday before work until you get comfortable. I will not make myself that sick just to end up hating my career anyway. That being said.....does having this education help me to work in a different field or something completely different? I did spend 4 years in school (yes an associates still takes 4 years) and don't really want it to be a complete waste. I also can't stay home forever. I am a very motivated person and has done really well in school. All this stress has caused a lot of problems in my family and with my mental health. I am on meds now for anxiety/depression and just want to feel proud of myself again instead of feeling like a failure.

I posted a cpl days ago about having extreme anxiety issues with depression sinking in. New grad feeling like nursing career was a mistake. On top of the stress and responsibility of learning my new career. Nursing school is not a true test of what you can handle and does not give you an opportunity to take full responsibility so you can see if its something one can manage. Now that I am faced with the fact that I am a licensed RN and will be taking my own patients after orientation is enough to send me into extreme anxiety. I am having a transitional crisis. Cant find a doc to see me any time soon and I cant keep taking trips to the ER. I am barley eating once a day and cant play with my daughter or do anything other that lay in bed. Wish I could rewind the clocks 4 years and scratch wanting to be a nurse. I don't care if ppl say I haven't given it a chance or not. I know this is something I don't want to do. On top of it all i just plain miss my daughter. Iv let my family down and feel like a bum. I don't have any experience so hoping for a job that isn't direct patient care or something like school nurse is a bust. I feel like i need to take an emotional holiday and look at my options which are scant. Is there anything I can do to turn my ADN into something else so that I can provide for my family. My husband works but does not make a whole bunch and he is extremely upset and disappointed with me. So much so I feel it appropriate to take my daughter and move in with my dad until I can get treatment and find a career that nerves and lifestyle can handle. I really let my husband down.

Yes! It took my forever to find a job and now that I have one I hate it with all my being. It is making me sick. What is making you feel so depressed?

I graduated in December and had a hard time finding a job. I tried working at a nursing home for 4 days and couldn't hack it. Finally got a job in the hospital and and I think I have made a mistake wanting to become a nurse. I have been having anxiety attacks and been crying for about a week now. I miss my daughter sooo much when I am away and the thought of all the responsibility of a nurse is grating on me. I got hired in L&D which is something I thought I wanted to do for a long time as I knew Med Surg was a no go for me. I have a history of anxiety and have spent the last 4 years in school not working and making my husband support us as we struggled. I think I just tried to push away my feelings of not wanting to be a nurse because I thought I would just be able to do it. My husband is very very very upset with me and is basically saying he cant deal with me wasting the last 4 years of our life and he isn't going to stick around if I quit or want to go back to school. I am still orientating and haven't been on my own yet so I do feel like everyone thinks I am prematurely being a quiter. I had to go to the ER this morning because my anxiety will not wane and I was having a meltdown. I just want to stay home for a while till I feel better. If I could work from home or become a school nurse so I can have my holidays and weekends with my daughter that would be ok but new nurses dont have a lot of options.......someone please respond.

Hello! I am a nursing student and really really really really want to do L&D! I can't stand the idea of doing medsurg. I need some advise big time. I haven't seen any openings in the city I live in now but I did search around the state and realized that almost all of the applications require experience. How am I supposed to get experience in l&d if they wont give me the opportunity? I don't wanna have to move but I really can't deal with medsurg.

I am sooooo jealous......I am a nursing student and I hope I can work L&D! I hope you enjoy it very much and congratulations.