LadyBugLass

I read about someone having panic attacks. I've had them since I was about 8? It used to be at most once and year...it escalated about two years ago, and now, it is at least once a week, sometimes once a day. When someone FINALLY sat me down and actually went over a life history with me and kind of "mapped out" occurences and changes with me, a pattern emerged. Those "panic attacks" were most likely hypomanic episodes, and I have probaly been rapid cycling. Those two terms were really news to me, and I'm a pretty educated gal! I have had doctors ask me about "mania". When I think of "mania", I have ALWAYS drawn on past patient experience. I worked as a paramedic before I was a nurse. When I had manic patients, they... 1. Had stopped the meds 2. Were usually completely out of touch with reality. These were folks that could not stop talking, moving, yelling, you name it. One guy jumped from a moving car on the turnpike and didn't think it would hurt him. Really extreme behavior. 3. I thought when you were manic, you were HAPPY. And that you had all this great energy and accomplished alot and felt wildly creative. I mean, I always heard that patients quit the meds because they missed the highs. 4. I thought that manic episodes lasted for a couple of weeks, not just days or hours. 5. Hypersexuality? My husband should be so lucky. No one asked me "Did you ever stay awake for two days writing down notes about redecorating the house?" Or thought it was wierd that, on the day I tried to off myself, I was in a GREAT mood. I was having a really nice day for the first time in months. But, someone said the wrong thing to me, and BOOM...it was like flipping a switch. I was on autopilot, and I carried out a plan that I had been formulating during a deep funk. I also stopped responding to antidepressants, the really high-powered ones, even when I took them faithfully. Back to the panic episodes. I begged my GP for something, anything. He gave me Klonopin "for emergencies." Why didn't he think that maybe we could PREVENT the emergency?? I took them maybe twice...it's really difficult to be anxious when you are unconscious. I didn't want to sleep all day, I wanted to function. I always had panic attacks over stupid stuff. My last one this week was because I didn't know what to make the kids for dinner. Folks have a hard time understanding that. It's not necessarily something catastrophic that makes you freak out. It's not normal, and I know that!! Telling the crazy person that they are crazy does NOT make them feel LESS crazy. Thanks for all the nice posts. DO NOT give up trying to get help. I did once, and I am paying for it now. PS-If one more person in my life says "Oh, manic depression!!! Van Gogh had that!!" I really will go goofy. That's a ringing endorsement for a mental illness. Paint pictures no one appreciates for 50 years, cut off an ear and give it to a whore, then shoot yourself in the chest and die over a 2 day period. Jeez.

Hormones? You mean like the diagnosis of "hysteria" they used to give crazy women (originated from "hysto-", meaning "uterus")? God save us from American health care.

I plan to disclose; while I do not talk about my problem with depression ad nauseum, I am honest about it now. It really has changed how other people see mental illness, how common it is, and someone with a mental illness is NOT necessarily foaming at the mouth looney. I did try to hide it for a long, long time because I wanted to still be trusted. It was exhausting and un productive. Yes, some folks can be asses, but you would also be suprised at the amount of compassion. I wanted people that are important to me to understand what makes me tick; if I am having a bad day, they need to know it isn't their fault. Wouldn't you want people around you on a regular basis to know you had epilepsy or diabetes? And do I REALLY want to work in a place where I would be treated as an outcast if someone found out behind my back?

Well, after almost 10 years of varying degrees of hell for me and the people who love me, I may well have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Years of depression may have been not properly treated. Years of general practictioners handing me the whatever $400 pill sample the pharm reps give that week with a handful of obnoxious pens and cutesy badge holders. Years of being told, "Take this, it'll get better (or go away), get counseling, see you in 3 months." Years of not being referred to a specialist. Years of asking for very specific guidance only to be met with a blank look and pat on the shoulder and the reminder that "As a nurse, you know how this works. Check the yellow pages, call your insurance company." After I tried to kill myself last summer, was that not a CLUE that something was out of control, namely me? If you had a patient with new-onset IDDM, would you give them a script for insulin and needles, then say "Here you go!! Read the pamplets, don't eat sugar, and I'll see you in 3 months!! Take care, buh-BYE!!" Am I mad? Damn skippy.:angryfire OK, my question is this...how many nurses have a diagnosis of mental illness? Not just "the blues" or a normal grief reaction or pulling a mean drunk one weekend ; I mean something that will affect you from now until you die, and requires vigilance and management to remain functional not just as a nurse, but a person? I have always wondered...are we attracted to a certain field because of who we already are, or does the vocation make the monster? There really does seem to be some troubled people in nursing. Is mental illness more likely in healthcare workers? (Wonder why, a real head-scratcher there:uhoh21: ) 'Fess up folks...experiences, please.

Hey...I AM a manager. The way I got here? BY PUTTING IN MY TIME DOING ALL THE THINGS YOU MENTIONED FOR NEARLY 12 YEARS!!!:angryfire And this case manager IS a nurse, thanks. Do I "go to meetings" because I like it? Hell no; it is incredibly dull. It is part of my job, just like all the things you mentioned are part of YOUR position. When the crap hits the fan, I am the one who goes to all the parties involved to defend the actions of floor nurses and make EVERYONE happy. I do things to support the nurses and aides that work with me; I offer advice (once again, hard won experience), solutions, and a listening ear. What I get in return is invaluable information about the patients that I wish I could see more of. And if you think crying families and cleaning up poop is unpleasant, try dealing with insurance companies and Medicare. Many is the time that I have actually wept openly in the office, because I've had to discharge people or arrange for less than optimal care to patients because of the financial side of nursing. It is an endless source of frustration and heartbreak, esp. when dealing with the elderly:( . But if I don't do my job well, then NO MONEY will come in; we will ALL lose our jobs and our patients will get NO care, period. It ain't all just care plans and faxing doctors, dear. To be frank, you just sound jealous and burnt out. I am sorry if your managers are evil witches. But don't throw me in the pot with them. If you want things to work better, then YOU need to stop dividing everyone up (WE WE WE vs. THEY THEY THEY).

Has anyone here taken the HPNA exam? Was it REALLY REALLY REALLY hard?:uhoh21: Did you get a raise or promotion for passing? How much hospice experience did you have before you took it (HPNA recommends 2 years, but I don't think it is required.) All in all, was it worth it? Just curious, I need a new goal.:)

I have been through TWO "new" jobs in 2005 that required certain colors of scrubs. One job required royal blue (not too bad) and one job required BRIGHT red (truly hideous, esp. with white skin and red hair, I looked like a Target store.) I have tried for months to sell them, to former co-workers AND on Ebay (no takers!!) They are like new; what a waste of my money . I need the room in my closet, and if can't get some money back, can I at least donate them to a worthy cause? Is there a "needy nursing" organization where people can get uniforms (like post-Katrina or a house fire) so they can go back to work? Just curious.

That "How Clean Is Your House" show makes me feel SO much better. And I have always been in EMS and now do home hospice care, so I KNOW it's not that bad...but it ain't GOOD either. My good buddy is a scrub tech with OCD, and she thinks RN's are the dirtiest people!!! We had a really humid summer here, and lots of mold and mildew. Her boss (an RN) mentioned spilling something on her carpet, and was amazed when, two weeks later, MUSHROOMS were growing on the stain. :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :uhoh21:

I LOVE the smell of bleach!! I guess because it is just SO clean. I think it reminds me of hotels and swimming pools from vacations, esp. when I was a kid. When I was little, we didn't have a self-defrosting freezer, so I'd take a knife and SCRAPE all that wonderful ice off of the walls of the freezer and eat it up like candy. I think of all the FREON I ingested:idea: ...no wonder I'm so sick now.

SO glad that I found this thread. I have struggled with occ. depression since high school, started meds at 25 when it was no longer just occasional and I started to have suicidal thoughts; experienced PTSD due to a disaster response as a paramedic in 1999, postpartum depression that flat knocked me on my can in 2001, and Paxil that caused a 60lb weight gain and a painful withdrawl. Went off my meds last summer because they made me sleepy on night shift at my first RN job in a pressure-cooker ICU just teeming with viper co-workers. Plus, it was just a horrid year; lost a loved one, had to put my grandma in an assisted living center, marriage problems (due to the depression), bankruptcy, lost jobs. HUGE HUGE HUGE MISTAKE. Started having panic attacks, had a REALLY big one in August of this year and tried to kill myself. Without boring everyone with details, I will tell you I was quite serious, and was VERY disappointed to wake up in the ER with my acquaintances pumping my stomach. I was so apathetic I didn't even put up a fight. (Let me tell you though: if you have never had an NG tube yourself, then you have NO RIGHT to put one in other people...OUCH!!!!!:uhoh21: ) Spent time in the nut hut for that little stunt, which was VERY enlightening as a nurse...unlike ANY psyche clinical you've EVER had. And, yes, I DO have a sense of humor about the whole mess. Started Effexor, which intially was like flipping on a light switch, but has started to lose its effectiveness within the last month, and I am SCARED to death (pun intended). Do I need to ask to go up on my dose, change meds? Someone mentioned earlier ECT being scary, but in all honesty, I'd try it tomorrow if it would help. And how do you KNOW if you are bipolar; I mean as a nurse I know, but as a person that is experiencing it, how does it FEEL? Thanks for letting me vent here; my spouse and mom don't like for me to talk about this, esp. if I make any jokes about it.

I have never been in a union before, but after the year I have had (5 postions in 12 months!! I look like a total flake), I am starting to think that I need some job protection. I really feel like these businesses (and that is EXACTLY what they are all about, the money) are taking advantage of my good nature, as well as playing games with other nurses too. The last hospital that I worked at had a statement in the employee handbook that read something like "we do not discriminate against unions, but we feel that we can offer our employees more by not having to deal with unions." Kind of a guilt trip, huh? I have been in healthcare my entire adult life, but ever since I became an RN in May 2004, I feel SO naive about the "politics" of nursing!! I just have this constant sense of needing to watch my back at all times. I realize that being in a union does not give you a free ticket to act like a jackass or do a poor job (my husband is a cop with the FOP), but I feel so vulnerable sometimes; like I'd get thrown to the wolves by management at anytime. Please help!

Rabbit turd ice:roll ! I call it pellet ice, and I LOOOVVVEEE the nice, chewy texture and slightly bleachy flavor. I have become an ice "snob". Braums and Sonic sell 7lb bags of it, and I go through about 2 bags a week since around last January. The place that I was working at was so stressful, I developed a "flare" of Crohns disease for the first time ever, along with a GI bleed and problems with absorbing any nutrients. It has been SO miserable and frustrating (diarrhea about 10 times a day at least, even in the middle of the night. ) And my husband HATES the sound of my ice chomping; I'll even chew ice rather than eat, because eating just causes more diarrhea. My personal theory, which I guess is at least as rational as any other? Anemia is often the result of a GI bleed, and ice can cause vasoconstriction, which could slow down the bleed, at least temporarily. Just a thought.

MSW can ALSO be a bachelors of social work who is a MEDICAL social worker (just to add to the confusion here.)

What does everyone actually KNOW about the connection between being anemic and the insatiable appetite for chewing ice?? I know that it is generally acknowledged as a symptom of anemia, but no one can tell me WHY, an actual physiological reason. Hmm.

I worked after an F-5 tornado in 1999 in Oklahoma as the first paramedic on scene. About 4 days later, my partner, myself, and some of the other first responders had a DRY, hacking, deep, nasty cough; it was like your bronchi just felt RAW. We thought it was probaly all the shredded insulation and dirt and pulverized rock from all the destroyed structures (no respirators, duh.) I have since had pneumonia 3 times, one time caused asthma that required an inhaler and neb tx for about two months after (nonsmoker). I had NEVER had pulmonary trouble before. Now I wheeze every winter. No telling about yours; it's just that time of year + travel = sick person. But all that MOLD:eek: and chemicals and bacteria down there!!! Plus, the natives maybe USED to high levels of mold due to all that naturally high humidity even before Katrina. Get to a doc, and be sure to tell him about your exposure.