nursebedlam

Hullo out there,, Welcome to allnurses, I do hope you enjoy your time here, look forward to reading your posts.....

Hullo out there,, Welcome to allnurses, I do hope you enjoy your time here, look forward to reading your posts.....

Hullo out there,, Welcome to allnurses, I do hope you enjoy your time here, look forward to reading your posts.....

quite a few young nurses:)

quite a few young nurses:)

HOW TRUE IS THIS!!!!!!!! It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of event are put into motion: 1) The woman buys the food. 2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert. 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand. 4) The man places the meat on the grill. 5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals with the situation. 7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, serviettes, sauces and brings them to the table. 9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 10)Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts. 11)The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

HOW TRUE IS THIS!!!!!!!! It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of event are put into motion: 1) The woman buys the food. 2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert. 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand. 4) The man places the meat on the grill. 5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals with the situation. 7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, serviettes, sauces and brings them to the table. 9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 10)Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts. 11)The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer. I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me. I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda,Singapore,Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover. I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers thatare bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs. I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine. When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me. I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse. Here's to an even better informed 2005 !:)

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer. I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me. I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda,Singapore,Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover. I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers thatare bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs. I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine. When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me. I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse. Here's to an even better informed 2005 !:)

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl:

hullo, welcome to allnurses..

hullo, welcome to allnurses..

hullo, welcome to allnurses..

:roll :roll :roll good one

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Please Help -------------------------------------------- Help desk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Help desk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Help desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ... Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .... ------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Help desk: Would you click on start for me and ... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: I have problems printing in red... Help desk: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: No. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: And now hit F8. Customer: It's not working. Help desk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Help desk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Help desk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Help desk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Help desk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? -------------------------------------------------------------------- A customer couldn't get on the internet. Help desk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Help desk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: What antivirus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Help desk: That's not an antivirus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver and my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you? Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Help desk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me? -------------------------------------------------------------------- Help desk: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Help desk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

good one,, thanx

:chuckle :rotfl: :lol2: :rotfl: :chuckle

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: thanx for that

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner, enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No) Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your bottom. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use one. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coorifice butt hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:chuckle :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :chuckle