psigrl

Hey Sonny, welcome to Portland! Just go to any agency....they are desparate for your specialty and will pay well. The best web site is Indeed.com or CareerBuilders. You have nothing to be concerned about. I would love to have your specialty background. There is NO hiring freeze..trust me.

:cool:Something similar happened to me while working at the state hospital. I directed a large, menacing and threatening patient into a seclusion room and then had him exit under a minute (time it took to unlock the door) later when an aide offerred to take him outside. He couldn't have been inside the room for more than 60 seconds. But I was put on administrative leave for four months while it was being investigated because I didn't have an order to seclude him. An order that wasn't necessary in my judgement. Be careful with the state. If you are working alone without other RNs and all you have are mental health techs they will turn on you and report you for anything if they don't like you. I left and now work in a private hospital. Forgive yourself...you were doing all you could. It's not you. It's just the way the state systems work. And why they can't find staff.

I've tried just about everything but Danskos are unbeatable for me because I have a high arch. I think for those who may not need a lot of arch support a softer sole may be best.

Dear Mollie, Please don't be discouraged. I am a dynamic nurse who has managed units, yet I left my last job like a wounded puppy because my supervisor scared me senseless! Why? Who knows? She just reminded me of my mother many decades ago. She intimidated me for some reason and I just couldn't hold my confidence. I applaud you for staying at that job for 10 whole years!! You sound like a very kind person and it really seems you tried your best. The next person who hires you will be very fortunate to have you. You'll hurt for a while, but the clouds will lift and you'll begin to remember who you are. It's hard out there, but we are all in this together and you are going to be fine. I just know it.

My God, no you are not alone!! I have been searching all over the internet for a site to discuss PTSD issues for those of us who don't feel we deserve to focus on this. Maybe some of us did have issues in childhood, but the point is we ended up in nursing in order to have some semblance of order and a way to make sense of the world. Because we were and are so sensitive we made especially good nurses. I was in the OR at first (adrenaline was my ally) and then to acute psychiatry where I laid boundries for my patients and listened to their stories while pushing down my own pain. If I could focus on them I didn't have to think about me. Then I found forensic nursing (jails and prisons) where the adrenaline flowed even faster! By the seventh or eighth year I found myself isolating, hating to socialize, becoming more and more angry and demanding. I was controlling and obsessive about order in my home and demanded perfection in those I worked with. I was promiscuous and thought I was enjoying the attention of various partners. My self esteem was only in my clinical practice. Finally, the wheels fell off. I became ill with what was later found to be heart related. I couldn't keep a job, I was fatigued to the point of being completely inactive, my mind was mush (I always loved my brain) and I fell into a deep depression. Dying was ok with me. The MI finally broke me completely and I had a stent placed. I had by this time lost my condo, and almost my license. Slowly but surely, with the help of some higher power I began to take a few shifts, earn a little money, exercise a little, smile a little. Last week I was driving to an assignment when a young woman on a cell phone drove out in front of me into the major thoroughfare. In order to miss her I had to turn sharply to the left in order to miss hitting her directly. She continued to drive, hitting another car. I found myself being pulled out of my car by a woman who was on her way to the local hospital to begin her shift. She never left my side. She witnessed what had happened and vowed to stand by me. What I remember most distinctly was that I cried. And cried. And cried. It was like I was crying for the first time for all the take downs, all the times my patients spat on me, all the times they yelled obscenities, all the times I had to see my staff nurses being assaulted and sent to the er, all the times I went home drained and wondering why the board of nursing was so distant to our needs. I grieved for my nurse sisters and brothers who are NOT clergy but behave like ministers and nuns. We give and give and have personal lives like our patients yet are not seen as patients in times of need. The woman who stayed with me turned out to be a nurse, she allowed me to cry and hold her hand and be held, and to cry all I needed to. For that short time I could be small and helpless and in need. It brought me to the realization that now, finally I will go into therapy. I will discuss my own post traumatic stress disorder and not be afraid.

I'm loving that there is a thread for agency nurses! We are a breed apart-very talented, cerebral, and sensitive. We enjoy our own time and space. I have tried so very hard to convince myself to join a staff and both times it wasn't working. I felt claustrophobic and trapped. Even if I did find friends I'd eventually leave and kept the friends anyway because I discovered they liked me for of who I was. Don't think joining a staff permanently is going to help the lonliness...it won't. Do all you can for the staff at your favorite agency. I send them pizza for lunch or bouquets when I get a really great assignment. I am glad I have found you guys as fellow agency nurses. I respect your individuality and courage.

My dear, I am new to this site as I have been looking for a place to find in order to discuss nurses and ptsd. And I have found your letter! When I was a young nurse and new to the O.R a surgeon wasn't having a good day and reached around and slapped me with a "needle driver". I broke scrub and we ended up boycotting the operating room until he was brought to justice. Please, for the sake of all your colleagues, do not let this go unattended! If we expect to be treated with respect it is our duty to stop this outrageous behavior! You must speak to your unit director asap and also make sure you find out who the chief of staff is. If this isn't going anywhere then you must file a complaint with the police department as you have witnesses to this event.