FormerBROKENrn

I wish it would have been that easy. I had the director of the court program write letters, my counselors from the year of outpt counseling/recovery (more ptsd covid coping related than drug addiction but regardless of what led to or what happened......I needed help) group I attended on my own. My current employer (that I had been with for 2 years when they finally contacted me) wrote letters on my behalf. It didn't matter. I had been through a year of outpt therapy with weekly to biweekly drug screens, I was up front with my new job about everything from the start so they asked me to take random drug screens for the first year (of course I complied), and the 2 years of the pretrial program for the court (charged me with felony that I still have to get expunged but costs 5000). I had never been in any trouble. Not even a ticket or any employment problems. But even after the 3 years of monitoring (between the courts, myself, and my job) Im starting all over. I know I did the crime and violated the trust of everyone I know but unless you actually worked a covid floor for 2 years during the start until the "end" of the initial pandemic....you can't understand what I mean when I say I was broken. A shell of my former self going through motions with absolutely NO emotions. I had turned off everything to get through it and when it was over and I couldnt turn the emotions back on I freaked out. I don't even remember alot of the 2 months of stupidity that happened before but the fact that we all saw and dealt with things that would change us forever (I don't know about others but my job offered no therapy or time off for taking care of ourselves) was not taken into account during deciding my punishment. The first contact I had was the ASP. Took them 3 years and I had 5 days to agree or have a hearing. They determined my punishment before having any information on what I had done to better myself the time between. And not lessening anyone's problems or blaming covid....but it definitely was a major contributing factor that should have been taken into consideration. Sorry, I ramble. Just frustrating and the checking in everyday for the next 4.5 years (already got 6 months down) is stomach turning.

@mississippiRN71 Is this currently going on or was this previously? May seem like a stupid question but my dates for posting have been sorting all kinds of crazy. I can't private message without paying $30 bucks or making certain number of riveting posts. Im currently only 6 months in, for the wonderful state of MS (took them almost 3 years.....which I had already completed court ordered 1.5/2 year probation program) and had finally started getting my life back....then the board contacts me 4 months before that is over and starts a new one all over again. I don't know if you can send me a message or not. Any tips or support ppl can offer each other through this absolutely ridiculous money making (cant work any OT or have a 2nd job but make sure you show up for your $89/ea tests minimum of 1 but max of 3 times a month) especially in the same state cant hurt!! Wishing everyone well and keep laughing through the misery. It won't last forever!!