traumaerRN

Probably get one at Dollar General for $2.00

My fav for stupidity was this: 18 year old female shows up -her chief complaint is "my tongue is black" It was about 0300 and after I put her in a room she hands me card and asked me call her parole officer and let him know she was in the ED. I go back out to the desk and tell the other nurse evidently louder than I should of "you are not going to believe this one"! I did attempt to call the P.O. with no answer About this time she comes to the desk and said since you don't believe me I am leaving! I handed her the P.O. 's card back I said sorry no answer. "We can't fix stupid but we can sedate it'. My favorite We had a frequent flyer who came in per EMS on a back board for "severe back pain." Took 4 of us to lift her onto the cart. Told her I'd be back in a few minutes gave a call light and went back to my patient in room next to her. In about three minutes she managed to get the neck brace and all the straps off walked into the room I am in and says "could you get me a glass of ice and a soda? I wanted so bad to say it took four people to lift your fat ass off the cart and you want a fricking soda! And after while she asks for a snack. It is amazing they come in by EMS but can always find a way home. Oh well life goes on when you have "the magic card".

Obama

I've had the little bottle stuck on a little member- the tampon that had been there waaaay to long, the broom stick handle that hs somehow just fell on it (had to go to surgery to get that one out) And the head lice that could of been taken care of by getting a kit at walmart or the health dept. One family says just get us all prescriptions cause money is no object "WE'VE GOT THE CARD" I just want to slap them right there... I do sometimes say well it does make a difference to me when you can just go walmart and get it other wise the rest of us have to pay for it in the long run.

We had a pt present w/law enforcement (can you believe it) and when she was told she could go back to jail she threw herself down on the floor and fakes the absolute worst "seizure" in the world- anyway the other nurse with me proceeded to tell her that if she was going to try to fake seizures again that she should really read up on it because that had to be the worst fake seizure that we had ever seen. So she jumps up and says some lovely choice words and said ok guess i'm going back to jail and we said yup see ya later and then we both just almost wet our pants laughing to hard.... I also had a girl that presented with a "black tongue" and was all worried about this in the middle of night. I asked if she had been eating anything black and she said NO but her friend said "didn't you have some black licorice" oh she forgot about that. Then she ask me to call her probation officer to let him know that she had been there She was wearing a bracelet around her ankle and could only be out for some much time. Anyway, I declined and told her she needed to go right home because she did not need to see the dr.

What I particularly like is things like the beads up the nose or in the ear and they come by ambulance because they didn't have "any way to get here" but then a miracle occurs and there are 4 loved ones that show up of course with a car who of course can take them home..... No matter what part of the country you work in we all get this stupid stuff because these people simply can't afford to go to the Doctor's office or they are too lazy to get up when the Dr's office is open and they know we will see them no matter what. BTW I think a pregnancy kit can be gotten for a dollar at the dollar store and so can tylenol and ibuprofen ---- amazing isn't it.....

I work Fri-Sat-Sun 7pm-7am

I have seen many funny ones too--- one little girl named Cyan- I asked Mom where did that come from and she says "it's a medical term you know" (she had just taken her CNA class) got it from cyanosis----- just be glad they weren't studying diarrhea.....then I've seen the Heaven & Heavenly- we've also had Orangejello & Lemonjello- and recently Espn--prononced espen or something like that. Wonder if sister will be CNN ?????

New balance 811's are my favorite shoes

We have a prison here and they sent this guy in one nite..his c/o was his member hurts because he's been masterbating ....OMG can you believe that one!! That one left pretty quick

One of the most ridiculous things I ever treated was a girl who came in and said her tongue was black....I said have you eaten anything black tonite? she said noooo.... her friend says you had some licorice earlier... anyway I say to my work partner louder than I intended--this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard....(she also wanted me to call her parole officer and let them know she was in the ER) duh she's wearing a bracelet that allows her to be out only so long...hummmmm.& had probably exceeded her time somewhere else you think?? Anyway in a few min here she comes and says "since you think this is stupid I'm gonna go. I said ok I think you will be ok and by the way I didn't get your parole officer (no answer) & she left. We get people all the time that want pregnancy tests. We usually don't do them unless they have a complaint like abdominal pain or need xrays. They are usually not ones who pay the bills anyway so money is no object

I caught someone going thru the cabinets in our ER one night and just asked them "is there something I can help you find?" Of course they said oh no i was looking for a tissue or something stupid. People are amazing--all this plus most of them don't pay a cent for services!!