klhs
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All Content by klhs
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What about using Vicks vapor rub for nail fungus and gray (duct) tape to get rid of warts???
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1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos you never know what's going to burn your a**. 2) I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. 5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where in the hell is the ceiling? 7) My reality check bounced. 8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!!! 10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. 12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. 13) Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the a**. 14) Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. 15) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust! 18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! 19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. 20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 21) I'd love to live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. 22) What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it! 23) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!
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A six-year-old boy goes to his dad and asks: "What is Politics?" Dad says: "Well son...let me explain it to you this way: I'm the head of the family... so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money... so we call her The Government. We're here to take care of your needs... so we'll call you The People. The nanny.. we'll consider her The Working Class. And your baby brother... we'll call him The Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So...the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room and finds his daddy in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, with everyone at the breakfast table, the little boy says to his father: "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says: "Good, son. Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies: "The President is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep xxxx!" :uhoh21: :rotfl:
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Just in case you have had or are having a bad day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is it really works. 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows of this secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "The World." 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with cascading serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater. 8. See, you are smiling already.!!! Works for me!! :rotfl:
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i felt the same way when i passed the nclex with 85 questions....and 10 years ago, we still had to wait the 2 weeks to get the results in the mail!
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i felt the same way when i passed the nclex with 85 questions....and 10 years ago, we still had to wait the 2 weeks to get the results in the mail!
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i've learned- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. i've learned- that it's taking me a long time to become the person i want to be. i've learned- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. it may be the last time you see them. i've learned- that you can keep going long after you can't. i've learned- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. i've learned- that either you control your attitude or it controls you. i've learned- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. i've learned- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. i've learned- that money is a lousy way of keeping score. i've learned- that my best friend and i can do anything or nothing and have the best time. i've learned- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up. i've learned- that sometimes when i'm angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. i've learned- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. same goes for true love. i've learned- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. i've learned- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. i've learned- that your family won't always be there for you. it may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. families aren't biological. i've learned- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. i've learned- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. i've learned- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. i've learned- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. i've learned- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. i've learned- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever. i've learned- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. i've learned- that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes, by people who don't even know you. i've learned- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. i've learned- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. i've learned- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."
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didja ever wonder??? 1. ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of evian water? try spelling evian backwards: naive *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 2. isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 3. ok.... so if thejacksonville jaguars are known as the "jags"and the tampa bay buccaneers are known as the "bucs," what does that make the tennessee titans? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 4. if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 5. there are three religious truths: a. jews do not recognize jesus as the messiah. b. protestants do not recognize the pope as the leader of the christian faith. c baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at hooters. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 6. if people from poland are called poles, why aren't people from holland called holes? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 7. do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 8. if a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 9. why do croutons come in airtight packages? aren't they just stale bread to begin with? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 10. why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 11. why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 12. if lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 13. if fed ex and ups were to merge, would they call it fed up? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 14. do lipton tea employees take coffee breaks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 15. what hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 16. i was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 17. i thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so i wondered what do chinese mothers use? toothpicks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 18. why do they put pictures of criminals up in the post office? what are we supposed to do, write to them? why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 19. if it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 20. you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 21. ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 22. if a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 23. whatever happened to preparations a through g?
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~today~ today, when i awoke, i suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever! there were times when i wondered if i would make it to today... but i did! and because i did, i'm going to celebrate! today, i'm going to celebrate what a great life i have had so far; the accomplishments, the many blessings, and even the hardships, because they have served to make me stronger. i will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart. i will marvel at god's seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice. today, i will share my excitement for life with other people. i'll make someone smile. i'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone i don't even know. today, i'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. i'll tell a child how special he is, and i'll tell someone i love just how deeply i care for her, and how much she means to me. today is the day i quit worrying about what i don't have, and start being grateful for all the wonderful things god has already given me. i'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time, because my faith in god and his plan ensures everything will be just fine. and tonight, before i go to bed, i'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. i will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and i will praise god for these magnificent treasures. as the day ends and i lay my head down on my pillow, i will thank the almighty for the best day of my life. and i will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because i know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever! (author unknown)
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possibly the best blonde joke ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! a blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. the pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "i'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" 'but i always buy it here," says the blonde "do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist "yes", said the blonde, "i'll go home and get it." she returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,"this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container......... " to apply, push up bottom." hope this didnt offend anyone... just thought this was too funny to let it go! :chuckle
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red neck love poem susie lee done fell in love; she planned to marry joe. she was so happy 'bout it all she told her pappy so. pappy told her, "susie gal, you'll have to find another. i'd just as soon yo' ma don't know, but joe is yo' half brother" so susie put aside her joe and planned to marry will. but after telling pappy this, he said, "there's trouble still... you cain't marry will, my gal, and please don't tell your mother, but will and joe and several mo' i know is yo' half brother" but mama knew and said, "my child, just do what makes you happy. marry will or marry joe you ain't no kin to pappy. :rotfl:
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I have been divorced for 2 years following 16 years of marriage...no it was not an easy decision to make, but it is one I do not regret! I didnt get married with the attitude of "if it doesnt work we can just get a divorce", that is the last thing I wanted. I do not think that me being a nurse had anything at all with my decision to file for divorce...I think if anything it (nursing) made me realize that life is entirely too short to waste it being in an unhappy relationship. I believe that each individual is responsible for their own happiness and those you choose to share your life with enhances that happiness. As my signature line below says, it is because of the past that I am who I am today!
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Words to Live By Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Never buy a car you can't push. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
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hope ya like this one too.... what happens to cardiologists when they take viagra?? they grow taller!!!!!!!!! :chuckle :roll
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Anyway People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered - LOVE THEM ANYWAY If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives - DO GOOD ANYWAY If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies - SUCCEED ANYWAY The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow - DO GOOD ANYWAY Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable, BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight - BUILD ANYWAY People really need help but may attack you if you help them - HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY Give the work the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth - GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU HAVE ANYWAY
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD: 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Gentle Thoughts 1. Birds of a feather flock together and poop on your car. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. 6. A penny saved is a government oversight. 7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 10. He who hesitates is probably right. 11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
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I too love my job and have been asked many times what occupation I would choose if I wasnt a nurse.... well I cant picture myself being anything other than a nurse! I have worked in LTC, family practice, hospitals, and currently in a cardiology clinic and LOVE every minute of it! :)
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Thanks pookie! and as for you David... I think maybe you already received a dose!??? lol....
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The virtue of love isn't finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly. True love doesn't have a happy ending, it simply doesn't end. These are my favorites....plus the ones I have on my signature....
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The virtue of love isn't finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly. True love doesn't have a happy ending, it simply doesn't end. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it! I wasn't Kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!! People don't change things, things change people. Working hard for something you want is better than wishing for it. Always remember--when a guy sweeps you off ur feet he is in the perfect position to drop you on your butt If a man says something when no one is around is he still wrong? Always wear cute pajamas to bed... you never know who u will meet in your dreams Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice! A guy is only as faithful as his options I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday. Know everyone you love but dont love everyone you know Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again....skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts! I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me good night! Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend You never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back. The world would have no rainbow if the eye had no tears! Love like you have never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, and dance like no one is watching! Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names!
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Blood Transfusions The American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better. Just thought you'd like to know. :roll