Night shift blues

[RNkarlaaaa]

Hello fellow nurses!

I have been working the night shift (3 nights, 7am-7pm) for a month now under a residency program. Though it hasn't been easy because I'm quite the insomniac, I find myself enjoying the work and wanting to be really good at it. I understand that it can take some time before fully adjusting to such a schedule, but I'm willing to stick it out.

I live with my boyfriend whom I have been with for 2 years. He works in another city and often goes home to his mom's place over there. I usually see him 2 times a week. Ever since I started this job, I found myself feeling increasingly lonely out of work. I'm basically craving for human affection and feeling needy about my boyfriend's presence. We never go out anymore, and I understand his desire to hustle as he has kids. But having him around is the one thing that has brought me comfort in my whole nursing journey. His absence was easily overlooked due to the stress of being a full time nursing student. But now that I have 4 free nights, the longing is real.

I've touched upon the subject a couple of times and I told him to please try to come home more often. I don't know if this is something that can be attributed to night shift depression. I don't really have much friends to hang out with, and I usually prefer staying home anyway. I've thought about maybe trying out new things and keeping myself busy, but if I were to be honest with myself, I just want a big hug from my boyfriend, I just want him here. Heck, I'd even take the snoring.

I'm afraid the whole night shift situation has made me extra needy. It's okay that we don't go out anymore, it's okay that we don't go to vacations or anything like that. But I want him home more than 1-2 nights a week. I feel silly for sounding like a clingy girlfriend, but at the same time, I've been experiencing a wide range of emotions. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you!

[caliotter3]

Find a productive pastime such as volunteering in a nursing home. There are many ways to achieve human contact.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

What was his response when you asked him to come home more often?

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

The first year of nursing is extremely stressful, and that stress manifests in personal relationships as well as in your work life. I sympathize. When I took my first nursing position in a city 100 miles from where I went to school, my husband elected to stay in the college town for three more months (until he started school in our new city) to maximize the money he could make. I missed him terribly -- saw him only every other week when I had a weekend off. It was tough.

Use the time to make new friends -- night shift colleagues are still some of my best friends forty years and several jobs later. Develop friendships with people you've previously been friendly (but not really friends) with. Volunteer, start training for a marathon, get involved with a church . . . there are hundreds of opportunities out there.

And you may want to spend some time taking stock of your relationship with your boyfriend. Is this the relationship you want moving forward? Is this the man you want?

[RNkarlaaaa]

Thank you nurses for all the insight and advice!

Find a productive pastime such as volunteering in a nursing home. There are many ways to achieve human contact.

Thank you, I realize that I have too much free time in my hands. I'm considering signing up for the gym as well as finding another source of income on the side. But I really like the idea of volunteering too.

What was his response when you asked him to come home more often?

He said he will try, which I believe he does. But once I am able to choose my own schedule, I might pick something that works well with his. That way I don't get all these crazy ideas. I trust my boyfriend, but not seeing enough of him can mess up my head sometimes. Thank you!

The first year of nursing is extremely stressful, and that stress manifests in personal relationships as well as in your work life. I sympathize. When I took my first nursing position in a city 100 miles from where I went to school, my husband elected to stay in the college town for three more months (until he started school in our new city) to maximize the money he could make. I missed him terribly -- saw him only every other week when I had a weekend off. It was tough.

Use the time to make new friends -- night shift colleagues are still some of my best friends forty years and several jobs later. Develop friendships with people you've previously been friendly (but not really friends) with. Volunteer, start training for a marathon, get involved with a church . . . there are hundreds of opportunities out there.

And you may want to spend some time taking stock of your relationship with your boyfriend. Is this the relationship you want moving forward? Is this the man you want?

Yes, it's something I tried to avoid, but a lot of my stress was being directed particularly towards my relationship. I felt bad that it turned me into the wicked witch of the west, and I had to constantly apologize to my boyfriend because of it. You are right, I've been cooped up in the world of nursing school and being a new grad nurse. I should learn to relax now and maybe enjoy life a little, to focus on me. That way I could be fulfilled, with or without my boyfriend. Yes, I should contemplate the future of our relationship. I've hinted at him many times that I couldn't live like this, always wondering where he is, what he is doing, and if he's coming home or not. Thank you for your sharing all that!