New Grad RN

Hey guys,

I am a new grad RN working on a general pediatric floor in a Children's Hospital. I have been working for 6 months now - 3 months on orientation, 3 months on my own. I got hired on the floor that was my first choice, but the entire transition from being a student to working in a hospital has been very difficult for me. I knew it would be hard, but it has been much more of a struggle than I was expecting. I was hoping to love this job, and unfortunately I do not. I don't hate it, but I definitely don't love it. Very quickly I learned that I am not sure if the hospital environment is for me. There are a ton of things that I dislike about the hospital environment and only a couple of things that I do like. Before I come into work I am super anxious, and most every single time I am driving to work I am either crying, praying, or usually both. I dislike the unpredictability - never knowing what patients I will be assigned to, never knowing what will happen, the fast-paced environment (I like fast-paced, but not to where I hardly get to sit or think), the numerous amounts of medications we administer and being expected to know and monitor all of the possible side effects when there are always new ones I've never heard of, how we can be pulled to another floor such as the NICU or PICU whenever we have not been trained for that type of acuity, the large amount of employees because it feels not much like a "family" atmosphere, the "12" hour shifts when really it's 13-14 hours, families asking me questions that I rarely know the answer to, the importance of charting literally everything you do to protect yourself, all of the responsibility we have for each of our 4-5 patients can be very overwhelming...also a huge thing is that I am very much of a "what if" person. For example, if a family member asks me a question or tells me something they are concerned about, I will over analyze it and think "what if I told them the wrong information", "what if this happens or that happens because I did/didn't do this or that". It's like... am I too much of a worrier to handle this type of job? I am an organized person and time management has not been very difficult for me, it's really just the large amount of responsibilities we have during our 13 hour shifts that makes me so stressed out. I very much care for all of my patients and I want what's best for them. I absolutely desire to be the best nurse I can be and I want to make a difference. But I truly sometimes dread going to work and am wondering if a different type of nursing job would be better for me.

So with all that being said, I was wondering if there are any nurses out there who felt this way at first, but things changed after giving it a year or so? Or if there are nurses who felt this way who decided to go a different route that turned out better for them? Also, if anyone has suggestions on various jobs that may be less stressful than the hospital, I would love to hear about them. I have thought about doing school nursing, or just simply working in a clinic. I would love to work with one doctor, and be that specific doctor's nurse, but I am not sure if that job exists anymore with RNs?

Thanks in advance for your feedback :)