Need a joke!

I just graduated in December of 07 and one of my mentor nurses printed this off today for last week, and I had to laugh out loud, as you see I really do find psych patients interesting. I have only been an RN for a few weeks now, but I love it. I hope I always love it this much. I thought this was very appropiate so I wanted to share. It is long but maybe you can pick a few quotes out of here for your speech.

A new Nurse throws up when the patient does.

An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up

A new Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can't read it.

An experienced nurse doesn't wear a name badge for liability reasons

A new Nurse charts too much.

An experienced nurse doesn't chart enough.

A new Nurse loves to run to codes.

An experienced nurse makes new nurses run to codes.

A new Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.

An experienced nurse doesn't want anyone to know they are a nurse.

A new Nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.

An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.

A new Nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.

An experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.

A new Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards.

An experienced nurse can't hear any alarms at any distance.

A new Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.

An experienced nurse doesn't want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.

A new Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.

An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.

A new Nurse thinks people respect Nurses.

An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.

A new Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.

An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.

A new Nurse looks for a chance "to work with the family."

An experienced nurse avoids the family.

A new Nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.

An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.

A new Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.

An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.

A new Nurse always answers their phone.

An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.

A new Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.

An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.

A new Nurse carries reference books in their bag.

An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some "cough syrup" in their bag.

A new Nurse doesn't find this funny.

An experienced nurse does

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse were taking their lunch break. In walks a lady dressed in long silk scarves, wearing beautiful jewelry.

"I am Gina the Great", she exclaimed. "I am so pleased with how you've cared for my aunt, I will grant the next three wishes!"

To prove she indeed had these powers, she waved her hand and the room filled with flowers, fruits, and drinks.

The nursing assistant went first: "I wish I were on a tropical island surrounded by gorgeous men feeding me fruit and tending to my every whim!"

*POOF* with a puff of smoke, the NA was gone.

The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, living in a beautiful cabin in the mountains!"

*POOF*, and she was gone too.

"Now what is your wish?" asked the Genie.

The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of their lunch break."

Be careful with jokes. You are going to nervous in front of a crowd of people. If you aren't careful, a joke could come of very lame.

Be careful with jokes. You are going to nervous in front of a crowd of people. If you aren't careful, a joke could come of very lame.

Our graduation speaker was the hospital's ostomy/wound nurse. I'll leave it to your imaginations what he spoke of... but suffice to say, the audience was an interesting shade of green and the buffet after was left pretty much un-touched :)