Joke.

18 Posts

A man went to his doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his elbow. After much prodding and bending the doctor said " I am unsure as to the cause of your pain, I'll have to refer you to a consultant. The only snag is, there is a 12 month waiting list."

The man replied "I can't wait that long. I'm in agony."

"Well" Said the doctor "Sainsburys have just installed a new DIY Health check machine. It is very accurate, all you have to do is take a urine sample with you, put £5.00 in the slot then pour your sample in the little drawer that opens."

The man thought that it was better than waiting 12 months, so he drove to his local Sainsburys with a urine sample. He put his £5.00 note in the slot and poured his sample in the little drawer that popped open. The drawer closed and the machine started humming.

A few seconds later there was a ding and a piece of paper was printed off. It read:

YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW - BATHE YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER AND REST IT FOR TWO WEEKS.

Fantastic, thought the man, and drove home.

On the way home the man was thinking how incredible the machine was and started to wonder if it could be fooled.

When he pulled up on to his drive he saw his pet dog messing on the garden, and a plan started to form in his mind.

He took a piece of the dog mess in a plastic cup and mixed it with some tap water. His wife and teenage daughter came into the kitchen at this point and asked him what he was doing. The man explained what had happened and that he wanted to see if he could fool the machine. His wife and daughter that it was good idea and said that they would also give a urine sample.

The man mixed the cocktail up and had another thought. He (after a short period) ejaculated into the mixture as a final touch.

Off he went again to Sainsburys, he paid his £5.00 and poured the concoction into the drawer.

The machine hummed for a very long period of time, then smoke started to come out of the back. The man, feeling very smug, thought that the machine had completely burnt itself out try to work out what he had put in the drawer.

Then there was a ding and a longer piece of paper appeared. It read as follows:

YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD - USE A WATER SOFTENER.

YOUR DOG HAS WORMS - TAKE HIM TO A VET.

YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A £250 A WEEK COCAINE PROBLEM - GET HER INTO RE-HAB.

YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT, TWINS, BOYS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS - GET A LAWYER.

AND IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.