I feel like what's the point.....

i do not see your post as a "poor me" pity party. I do not and will never understand why one gets "sentenced" to ANOTHER stint in a program after finishing the first one, just because of a move to another state. i have long thought that i could commit armed robbery and not be punished for this long. Whether the original point of these programs was to really be of help and morphed into the monster they are today or have always meant to be a giant payday for those running them, i don't know. I like to think that the original point long, long ago was to actually be of help. Now, however theses things represent power, control and punishment. Whatever the case maybe, now in many states it is a punitive, money making endeavor that drains nurses (and other professionals) both financially and emotionally. Anytime the opportunity to profit off the backs of ill people presents itself, the $$$ will win.

I, too have spent my entire career in a highly specialized niche and due to the ridiculous stipulations on the contract and outright lies told by the people running my particular program, I have had more than one job offer go down in flames. i am more than 3 years into this torture and this junk has served no purpose other than to drain my savings, damage my relationship with my family (like having to borrow ungodly amounts of money just to not have to live in my car) and cause the exact same kind of stress that got me here to begin with. it seems that regardless of the reason we landed here, be it mental health, addiction, bad judgement or whatever, we are all treated like criminals on lifetime probation.

Currently I am fortunate enough to have landed a position that while not in my specialty is very supportive and understanding. Like you, i am afraid that I will never be able to move to another state without having to repeat this nightmare and i can't even go to graduate school (I don't really want to, but that's not the point) due to this scarlet letter. As far as "protecting the public"? My orifice. Every day, i am more convinced that that is just a slogan used to justify the eternal punishment we seem to have.

You are not whining, you have merely put into writing, the fears that all of us live every day. In what other profession is a person punished so harshly for what is regarded as an illness in the rest of the population.

Thanks for your reply! To know that there are understanding souls of this carnage is such a help.

I so agree with much of what you said, and because I was also leaving my horrible marriage and had a family that was not helpful or healthy, I did sleep in my car for a moment and then found a horrible single room in a run down hotel that I don't think even cockroaches would have lived in. But my freedom was important, and I did what I had to do. I am no contact with my family, my two very closest friends reside in NJ.

NJ has me on their crap list, so that if one were to look it up they would see that ignorance. However, I am fully free and clear on my PA license. I liken this drama to the movie Shawshank Redemption, only it seems in this case there is no breaking free. I must say though that I do feel like I have already crawled my way through the crap sewer that is the BON, had the casemanager from you know where who I know had no heart or compassion whatsoever, and even though I have reached the other side, in my life it has equated to just a piece of paper without any restrictions, but massive blacklisting, judgement and stress taking its place that is really not necessary, healthy or helpful. Why would one have to go through another states' program when they SUCCESSFULLY completed one for another state is criminal. The last job I had was a contract position, so I did not have any PTO or sick time, minimal benefits.

We are not serving retribution for what we have done, but rather their fear, ignorance and the wrong belief that addicts never heal. I don't think all the proof in world will ever suffice for them. I would like to see some of them endure the injustice that we have had to endure, only so that maybe they will arrive at understanding how not helpful they are. I am certain that not one of us woke up one day and said, "ya know, I think I will just resort to becoming a drug addict." It stems from other things, addiction merely being the symptom.

My DOC was benzos, primarily xanax starting from a prescription I legally obtained which I resorted to taking when my younger son was medically unstable with a brain tumor. Over the course of less than 3 years, I was prescribed 6 mg per DAY, taking at least 10. Yes I did try other things like opiates although they made me sick, and unable to function. So of course I was not mentally/emotionally doing well, as possibly losing my child was the worst thing that could have happened in my mind at that time. My horrible marriage played into all of this as well. I entered the VRP in 2002 January. Let me say that even with my reliance on xanax of almost 3 years, NOT ONE mandated health professional that I was forced to see due to entering the VRP stated that I needed a slow wean and Inpatient care. I was forced to quit in one day. I cannot express how NOT FUN that was. I reckon not one person today could find any medical professional with integrity who would not slow wean a benzo patient, but this is my truth. Furthermore, after only one month of drug screens in this program I was granted permission to find a job, which I chose NOT to do, as I knew I needed more time. How is that for "protecting the public?". My point is who is protecting us from THEM?

Thanks again for your kind words. I plan to share more later......

I feel pretty much the same way. Comforting to know we're far from the only ones going through it.

Gratitude you are not in the same positions, that got you in trouble, give yourself credit for recovery.... Do not let self blame bind you...... You have opportunities..... Create them.... Think about a stint in dialysis etc..... Best wishes for you