Friday June 13th 2025

Mornin'~

Was a strange and lonesome night last night; there was no 'routine' with Momo, which I had gotten quite used to; she was a smart little dog, and a good companion. At least I know for certain she had a much better life, living with me, and especially the last 6 months. She had become so relaxed and to see her playing like a puppy was such a joy. And her trust in me was so strong; I am proud I was able to really change her life for the better. Now the house is so empty without her. Don't want to look for another pet for the time being. Usually the animals find me instead of vice versa; you know, "God's Dog" and all that. If Nannie was further along in her "journey'( as in 'bed-bound')  I would search for an indoor older cat; maybe an older dog and cat that lived together and would benefit from having the same home together again. But it is too early to adopt again right now,

I got up early and unlocked the door for SiL so when she came to get Nannie I didn't have to get up to let her in. I slept hard after that and didn't hear a thing.

Not sure what I will do today, mostly take it easy, I guess. I did gather all of Momo's stuff that can be donated to the Humane Society. But there are dishes in the sink, and I will have to eventually launder the sheet and comforter from my bed, which still has the little spots of blood Momo was leaving because she was in heat.

Okay, well, it's time to go back into limbo, so I'll tawk whichoos laydah. Thanks for the hugs and kind words.

Stars, I am so sorry for your loss. Even a little dog leaves a large hole in our lives. 

I had my last PT visit yesterday, w00t! I saw yet another therapist or aide (this clinic is not big on titles) who said as long as I am pain-free and getting back to jogging, there was no need to continue. She seemed amazed, as did the others, that I am feeling better so quickly. They had scheduled me for 4 more visits, with possibly more. Nope, not this gal. Now, if my stupid collar bone would heal. I'll be fit as a fiddle. 

dh had a cardiac CT yesterday and came away not feeling great. He was npo,  took a double dose of his beta blocker, and they gave him nitro, which left him tired and lightheaded. So did he call me, as I told him to if he wasn't feeling good? Oh, no, he drove around for a few errands and then home. I got a little bossy, watched while he ate and drank something, and then ordered him to lay down. Geesh. He felt much better in the afternoon. I napped too, sitting on the couch,  as nighttime sleep is still uncomfortable. 

It's overcast and cool, our usual June-uary. I think Californians call it June Gloom. The dogs have unstuffed a toy, so I need to clean up that mess. And I need to think about our upcoming camping trip--we leave next Saturday for 10 days on the Oregon Coast. 

Feeling unusually down these last few days. So I've been analyzing what might be behind that feeling. Hubs calls this "ruminating." I call it trying to understand why I'm blue and irritated. There are a few possible contributing factors: 

(1) finances, with the ongoing need to provide stepson's rent and utilities and occasional other needs. Twin B somewhat reluctantly bought that car, and Hubs used some of Gma's cash which we will pay back to her and Twin B will pay back to us. Meanwhile, Gma's federal taxes have to be paid. Hubs is constantly reminding me how much he wants/"needs" a workshop. But I want/need to maintain our home so that it doesn't become shabby. So *if* there were several thousand dollars of extra cash (as if) that would be a much higher priority to me -- you know, roof, windows, flooring -- it all needs to be updated. I'd like to retire someday. I keep getting info about travel contracts for over $2500/week -- wow, just one 13-week contract could jumpstart some savings. But... I like my job. I like my commute. 

(2) Hubs (after discussion with the financial planner) told the boys they were going to have to start paying "rent." I don't object in theory, but Twin A doesn't even make enough to pay for his gas to get to work and back plus meals. He had this discussion with them without me, and let's just say I would have approached it differently. At the same time, I'm annoyed that the boys don't seem to feel any obligation to assist (Twin B says he'd much rather be "asked" and he will gladly help occasionally). They spend their time at home playing video games. 

(3) politics. Maybe I should stay off social media and quit watching any news. I get frustrated as **** and there's really nothing I can do. I can't talk to Hubs about it because he doesn't see things the way I do. 

I hear ya, Annie. We spent many years rather cash strapped, and I always felt like it was up to me to pinch, and economize and do with out. Luckily, we never had to deal with an ill child, like your step-son, or have an elder move in. But it is hard to always be scraping by. Can Twin A pay in kind, so to speak, by doing stuff around the house, like cleaning or maintenance? I still have one at home that I keep wishing would just move out. He would have to have room mates, and he's messy and a temper, so I don't see it happening any time soon. Sigh. 

All the 'kids' in my family were out the door after HS graduation. Couldn't wait to get our own places. My sister and I shared an apartment in Cambridge for a while, then I got mononeucleosis (sp?) for four months. My mother said she didn't think I should go home and I told her I was too sick NOT to go home. She listened to me and took me to a doc in the town next to our home town, and he said if Mom wasn't a nurse, he would recommend sending me to the hospital. YIKES! So I wallowed in my bed at home and my sweet mother made me chicken and beef broths from scratch! Much better than the powdered **** they served at the hospital, for sure! I didn't go outdoors from the end of Sept until the beginning of Feb because I was so weak. 

Ado, I'm right there with ya; I have been blue for quite some time. Yes, very much because of finances, and being overwhelmed by the amount of time I have now spent and will continue to spend in Nannie-Land, and am even more down now that Momo is gone. I have daydreamed about getting this house and property, and have the house torn down and a smaller, nicer house built. Yuh, like, where are the buck$ gonna come from? Because this house also needs a lot of work done on it.....especially all the windows, (it's like  cave in here sometimes) and the kitchen needs to be expanded by eliminating the wall between it and the formal dining-room, which we NEVER use.... it is  just too damm small..... and the cupboards are also too small and the stove and refrigerator need to be replaced....and the floors! and painting the walls. And ripping up the upstairs carpets! I could go on! I watch too much HGTV, I think.

I don't know where everything will land when the time comes and Nannie actually goes to her great reward....where-ever THAT may be! Trying not to be too judgmental, but still.... I have known her for 35 or 36 years and have lots of experience with her pre-dementia'd self, and also have heard all the family stories....

When SiL brought Nannie home, she washed and cut her hair and gave her a perm; then she offered to cut my hair if I wanted her to. So, I said "yes, please". Later, since she had brought us our suppers, I heated them up and  also put a small Edward's brand pie slice on Nannie's tray.  I KNOW I have said at LEAST 3x that I wouldn't put her dessert on her tray until she ate some supper! Well, she usually loves SiL's cooking, so I thought she would eat it all. Alas, I was wrong. She ate maybe a quarter of the meal on her plate.....after she ate the pie....and then she scraped the unfinished meal into the little pie box and had tamped it down and put a napkin over it. I asked her if she thought I wouldn't notice what she had done. I said I would NEVERMORE put dessert on her tray, so she would eat the supper, which is better for her than just a piece of pie. She giggled like she she was proud of what she had done. I said "Okay, then, supper first and no dessert unless you eat a decent amount of your meal." And she giggled again. HUH!

Oh, I also had a VERY Senior Moment this afternoon....I could NOT believe I did this: I back up to the front door to unload the groceries or whatever, from the car......Well, I got to where I was planning on parking, and all of a sudden the car sped up in reverse, but I THOUGHT I was stepping on the brakes. Meanwhile I go "WTH?" and tried to step on the brake again, but it was still the gas pedal I stepped on. I was so close to crashing into the trees/woods beside the house,I finally just threw it into some other gear (it's an automatic) and the car slid sideways, landing beside the trees, and stopped.  I was sooooo embarrassed and felt totally humiliated, because I have always kind of snickered about "old people" mistaking the gas pedal for the brakes.....well, I told myself today, at least I didn't crash into a restaurant or a drugstore. But GADS, what an eye opener it was for me; I realized I am a bit older than some of the "old people" who step on the wrong pedal. SMH. (and dammit!) What a rude shock for me!

I have to go to a dept store and find something to wear to my niece's wedding a week from tomorrow. Ugh. Not the wedding, but ugh to the clothes shopping. Ppfftt!

G'day.

Finances are a huge stressor and it doesn't seem to be getting better.  Still I know I'm better off than a lot of people and with the current administration cutting programs you hear a lot of stories of people struggling.  

Work was okay.  Was very busy and I'm tired.  Off for a few days.  

Hello all.  

Stars, I'm so sorry for that sudden death of Momo.  You've had so much loss, it seems unfair.  If I were you, I wouldn't fret too much over what's good for the old gal in terms of dinner versus dessert.  She's old and dying. 

Finances are a struggle for most working class Americans.  Saving for retirement while affording a comfortable life in a trickle down economy is always going to be challenging.  Especially when we refuse to do things like socialize our health system.  

Yeah, Tweety, it seems people should maybe plan for the worst and hope for the best on a few fronts.  

I hope it's okay for me to comment here, I just found and joined this site tonight and wanted to say hello and good evening! This site seems a little more organized and sane compared to reddit.

It's pouring outside at the moment. Glad I didn't try to go to the protest, although I really want my voice to be heard. I need to call my sister to see how she's doing with the flooding in San Antonio. Back in Indiana, Kokomo is under water, too. Will need to check in with stepson. 

Stars, my car for some reason allows me to take the key out of the ignition even if the car (an automatic) is not in park. I have had to chase a rolling car at least once. On occasion I will get in the car after it has been parked and find that it is still in drive. Lucky there was no incline in that parking spot. ?