FB group has me so sad...

I'm on a similar group just to see the other side if things and to learn tips. I see the same thing. Nobody explains to these people what our job is or anything else. So they go home expecting us to be their slave. Add to that, their grieving. We are about the only thing they can control and then they get mad when they can't control us. Add to the mix a bad nurse or even a good nurse with poor training. And its a perfect storm. Yes, its hard reading that stuff and some of those parents just can't see a good nurse because we are all bad to them.

Yes, I had to leave a trach support group because I would get tangled up in heated debates with parents who were really out of touch. I do think, though, that it's the dissatisfied parents that mostly belong to those groups to begin with. The satisfied ones don't seem to comment much and when they do they get flamed also.

I think support groups in general can be very unhealthy places to be for people who are trying to move on. You know what they say, misery loves company. In the past, I'd joined a miscarriage group, but had to leave because those women brought me down lower than I ever was before I joined, all that talk of little angels in heaven, women referring to their loss by first and middle name, due dates that became annual days of mourning, etc. It didn't help me heal at all, it just picked open the wounds. I also used to belong to a support group for adult children of people w Borderline Personality Disorder, and it only dredged up bad memories I had all but forgotten, and ended up with renewed anger for my mom that I hadn't felt since I was 15 years old. It was pointless for me to dwell in the past in either group, and I recovered well after I stopped visiting for good.

These parents need counsel and support, but they will be stuck in a holding pattern of grief and anger as long as they associate with other parents who cannot let go either. Everybody shares their horror stories to feel justified, and the outrage gets amplified with every posting and comment. They are toxic places and don't do any good for their child or the people who are trying to help them.

I had to leave the group after less than an hour of browsing. I am on foster parent support groups and one is for foster parents of special needs/medically fragile children. That's going to have to be good enough. My initial thoughts when I was added was "wow, this sounds like a great group to be in, and I'll get some insight into what's working/not working in other SN homes with working parents, health concerns, students, etc." which isn't really addressed completely in the groups I currently belong to since so many of those foster parents are stay-at-home parents or work part time only. I'm working per diem (but usually done in two doubles and a sporadic single to get full-time pay) and I'm in school full time. We were going to wait to go back to fostering but that would mean waiting YEARS until I finish my Master's and there is a great need for medically specialized homes here and an even greater desire to go back to it so we're doing it now now. We just have to find a way to make it work. I hoped the group would help with that. Super disappointing. I *did* get a great document that is essentially a "manual to our home" that a parent made, when imported into Pages was gorgeous and will make a great template for something to give to the nurses coming into our home (with many modifications, because I tend to be a bit more laid back than most) so it wasn't all bad. But, bad enough.

I was in a support group for people with PCOS. Everyone was so negative all the time and everyone blamed everything wrong in their lives on the disease. No one took responsibility for themselves. If someone had a headache they would post and ask if it was due to the disease. I tried to talk to them and teach them to empower themselves. For them to learn about PCOS and not to let it control your life. It was people who just resented life in general. Then there was the battle of who could conceive children vs. those who couldn't. I spoke up one day to try to teach them how they can better empower themselves and I got kicked out of the group!! I was glad though. Some people thrive of negativity and when it becomes a group it spreads.