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Discussion

Effect of #metoo

The #metoo phenomenon has brought my attention back to my past. When I was 14, I was raped by an 18 year old high school senior over summer break. I did not tell anyone until I started high school in September (a few weeks later) and the rapist was in an elective class with me. I started crying in class and was sent to the guidance counselor, whom I told. She assured me that it would be handled, but she did not say what she was going to do.

That night the rapist killed himself in his home. I remember feeling relief that I wouldn't have to deal with the situation anymore. I also feel badly about that. It was easier for me that he killed himself.

Now, I am a psych nurse.

I think I notice a countertransference, not in the obvious way toward patients with a sexual assault history, but in a more insidious way, toward a patient who was accused of sexual assault. I was more protective of that patient than my coworkers were. The patient was threatening suicide, and my coworkers felt that he was doing that to go to a psych unit rather than jail. I did not feel that way. I felt a strong fear that he would complete suicide if discharged and I felt a responsibility to keep it from happening.

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    I too was assaulted as a very young person. I don't know if the #metoo changes anything, but at least you know you aren't alone. The sad thing is to see just how many of us have been assaulted. I didn't report mine for years either. I was living in a broken home that was full of chaos. My needs were the last on the list of things my "parents" were concerned about. I have discussed my event with others when I felt like it might make a difference. Still today only a handful of the people I am close with know. I will make sure to discuss the dangers of the world with my children, hopefully my example may prevent something from happening to them.

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    Sexual assault occurs more often than any of us would ever have thought, and it doesn't discriminate against man, woman, or child. I think it is brave to come out in social media and say #metoo to bring awareness. I personally do not want to share with everyone that I have been sexually harassed and assaulted.

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    I'm sorry for your pain.

    I've shared my story on here before, freshly 18, raped by a neighbor who was also a college classmate. I had to see him every day because I was too scared to tell anyone about what had happened. I was in an abusive relationship at the time and I feared for my life.

    I found the #metoo to be empowering for me. I understand why others chose not to share, and support that.

    My assault is informing my career choice, too. I plan to become SANE certified and do my best to work with victims so they don't feel so alone.

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