It seems that I always get inspired to write on these forums at night when I should be sleeping but alas I am here. Wow, what a world we live in! It seems as though the jobs of us folks in healthcare is simply getting more challenging and complicated by the day not only in the scientific and various methodologies we use to assist our patients with wellness but also in the culture of healthcare as well. We are often treated cruelly by those that we seek to only help or by their family members, we are degraded by managers and administrative officials that view us as pawns to be manipulated and pushed at their will in order to earn a dollar, and worst of all we are cruel to each other and ourselves. Each hospital, unit, and even geographical location has petty prejudices, at some places it's the mature nurses versus the more youthful nurses, others it's the religious versus non religious, smoker versus non smoker, fat versus thin, RN versus LPN, our petty feuds continue, never ending with many nurses even being in denial that such things even occur within our field.

I had always dreamed of becoming a nurse, well actually before that I dreamed of being a musician but I was no Yo-Yo Ma or Jashca Heifetz so I chose my second passion, helping others and becoming a nurse became the most important dream in my life. That passion of helping others has certainly not died but over the few years it has changed as has my dream. For so long I have dreamed of furthering my education beyond being an LPN and become licensed a Registered Nurse, but between the red tape that many schools in my area have in bridging from LPN to RN and the list of things in paragraph one I find it difficult to remain motivated about finishing my degree, and while the dream lives on I have begun to question whether or not I truly desire to continue down this path. Not to mention the longer I'm in nursing the more adversity I seem to face due to my age, my credentials, my gender, morals, orientation, etc. and while I've always faced adversity in my life sometimes I wonder if fighting to be in a profession that doesn't want me and that I sometimes don't want to be in myself is a fight even worth fighting.

I have reflected much over the past year as to what I would continue my education in if it wasn't in nursing. I have several options many of which are similar to nursing in some aspects yet different in many others. I have taken plenty of time to dream about being something else, many times the dream is satisfying, and yet other times I feel incredibly sad to even think about leaving the world of nursing behind me. I love nursing for what it should be and sometimes is, a blend of science and nurturing, a team effort to help another human become well again. THAT is the career I wanted, to make a difference in sometimes subtle sometimes significant ways, not a career in which all my power is focused on delivering EXCELLENT customer service while everyone around me attempts to make me their verbal punching bag. Oh well, the dream lives on.

This isn't a thread seeking advice, I know the choice I have to make must be my own and I know I am at a fork in the road as many people I know currently are. Many nurses today are asking the same question: Do I stay or do I go? If I do stay, will I be happy? If I don't stay, what on earth will I do? For anyone staring over that daunting cliff right now, you have my empathy and know you are not alone.

I thought that once I became a nurse, even as an LPN that most of the journey for my career would be over. Foolish huh? Instead I see that it has only begun and goodness knows where it will lead. Some people have one dream and one dream only their entire life, for some a dream can come into fruition only to realize it's not what they had believed it would be, and for others still the dream morphs and changes, building upon past successes and taking into account previous mistakes and failures, but nevertheless the dream lives on.

You can find the same petty crap around the watercooler at XYZ corporation.

I was actually burned out with nursing for awhile, for the same reason you were. I had to come back and I wasn't happy.

I figured I had to come back with a positive attitude or I would crash again.

Soo.... I sucked it up and rediscovered my profession. It is possible. Instead of focusing on the whining and petty BS, I focus on the patient and my facility. I work hard to give good care and to help my facility be successful.

Maybe you need a break too.

I appreciate your feedback. For a while I thought I was burned out, I was successfully able to augment my attitude to just go in do my job and attempt to stay under the radar. And while of course I know that most of what happens in nursing happens in other professions, I can't help but still wonder if it's for me. Time will tell the tale I suppose. Once again thanks for your feedback :)

I went for a few interviews, in every one I was asked why I wanted to leave Nursing. How do you say your tired of all the "stuff" that corporate, HIPAA, JAHCO & ins. companies put in your way making it almost impossible to care for the patient?

You can say you're just wanting a change, to try new things...

I totally get you OP. A very honest and valid post.

This is why nursing is such a huge trainwreck. The job is a direct contradiction to the education and the values of those who pursue it. As soon as you begin working as a nurse for many, is the day you realize you are not going in the direction nurses need to go. Nursing jobs are not about nursing.

So, OP, is this a Hamlet-style soliloquy or are you hoping someone will inspire you and re-motivate you? Reading your post, I see an intelligent, articulate person who should be a asset to the Nursing Profession, yet you say the profession "doesn't want you;" I confess I'm puzzled.

What has given you this idea? I'm thinking that you are working in an area where your abilities are not valued, or possibly not even recognized. I'm also presuming that you are working in a "for profit" setting. Have you considered moving to a hospital that is not for profit?

Goonie, that's how it is in the states.

I disagree that "that's how it is in the states." I've had many jobs in nursing where I felt appreciated and that I was encouraged to do the work for which I was trained and had a passion. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right fit, but for many people, it's very possible. Don't give up. Keep trying new things!

I'm not really expecting to be re-inspired, simply posted some thoughts on what I'm going through right now as I'm sure that others can relate.

Perhaps you are right Whispera and I haven't found a right fit yet, but hopefully in time and after enough reflection and searching I'll come to a decision that is right for me.

To Goon, yes you are correct in thinking that my work experiences have been ones in which myself and other nurses were looked down upon and ignored due to other factors unrelated to our capability as nurses. It can be frustrating to say the least.

I'm not really expecting to be re-inspired, simply posted some thoughts on what I'm going through right now as I'm sure that others can relate.

Perhaps you are right Whispera and I haven't found a right fit yet, but hopefully in time and after enough reflection and searching I'll come to a decision that is right for me.

To Goon, yes you are correct in thinking that my work experiences have been ones in which myself and other nurses were looked down upon and ignored due to other factors unrelated to our capability as nurses. It can be frustrating to say the least.

I completely understand. The company I currently work for studiously ignores input from their staff, except for a select few. As a result our hospital is poorly designed, poorly laid out, and due to the implacable hunt for profit, poorly staffed. If I wasn't three years away from retirement, I'd move, preferably to one of our not for profit State hospitals, but as things stand, I'll stick it out until mandatory retirement age.

You, however, are young and just commencing your career. Other options are open to you, and I'd suggest you keep looking until you can get yourself into an RN training program. In the meantime, exercise your most obvious talent (to those of us who read your posts ) and WRITE! Articles, letters to newspapers, comments in Nursing Journals. As I mentioned, you should be regarded as an asset to the profession; time to set about getting yourself noticed!

I completely understand. The company I currently work for studiously ignores input from their staff, except for a select few. As a result our hospital is poorly designed, poorly laid out, and due to the implacable hunt for profit, poorly staffed. If I wasn't three years away from retirement, I'd move, preferably to one of our not for profit State hospitals, but as things stand, I'll stick it out until mandatory retirement age.

You, however, are young and just commencing your career. Other options are open to you, and I'd suggest you keep looking until you can get yourself into an RN training program. In the meantime, exercise your most obvious talent (to those of us who read your posts ) and WRITE! Articles, letters to newspapers, comments in Nursing Journals. As I mentioned, you should be regarded as an asset to the profession; time to set about getting yourself noticed!

Thank you for your post, certainly some food for thought! :)