You can't make this stuff up!

Here is another one:

My partner was in fear of his life...we do 12ECGs in the field. We had a patient who we estimate was about 150kg who was c/o chest pain so he had to do the 12lead. He couldn't get the V5 & V6 leads to place - HE COULDN'T get there!! He finally managed to do this without removing her bra....he later said "if it snapped I would have been killed!"

While working on a cardiac unit ,I had a pt. tell me - I'm going to have a heart castration in the morning .

We have a rt. who had fallen (before he came to us) and have 3 brain surgeries. He is very, very talkative, nonstop, 24 hours a day. One morning someone told him he smelled like a pole cat (I wasn't there, I was told this when I came in on 2nd). After he woke from his nap and was sitting at the nurses' station, a nurse said, "I smell a pole cat." He said, "Who's talking about me?" She then asked him, "Do you know what a pole cat is?" He said, "Sure, it's a regular cat that sits on top of a pole." We all laughed so hard. Then he said, "But when it comes down it's really smelling good."

We once were getting ready to perform a TEE on a woman. We had removed her dentures and the doc said "If you have no more questions, let's get started!" The woman looked at us and said "When you gonna give me the stuff that'll make me come?" The doc and I looked at each other, then at her and said "What?" She repeated very adamantly, "When you gonna give me the stuff that'll make me come?" We both stood there for a minute, and then the doc chuckled and said to me "I think she's saying 'calm'." So we sedated her. Through the rest of the procedure, we could not look at each other for fear of busting out laughing. To this day when I do a procedure with this doc that requires Versed, we still chuckle together.

yeah, well, I chuckled every time I read it . Hehehe.

Originally posted by Padalyn:

I was taking care of a patient who had developed a post anethesia reaction. She was in a geri-chair and when I checked on her she said to me "Beam me up Scotty - there's no one here". After I managed to leave the room I was howling ...later on the same evening an LPN and I were standing her to change her gown. She began to twirl the remote telemetry unit(she had nothing else on!). I said "Don't play with that" her reply "What do you want me to play with?" floored us.

(This story occurred just pryor to entering Nursing School I was a nurse aid at a cancer hospital in tulsa ok)

I once entered a pt room with the Rn at the bedside and proceeded to empty the Jackson pratt drain in her abdomen. The nurse instructed me to take the contents and measure then in the rest room. While in the rest room I began to gargle aloud. The nurse and the pt both lost it and asked whatI was up too. I said, "you said gargle right?" I have often found that terminal patients appreciate nursing care that is both serious and sensitive. However at times is is necessary to remind them that their not dead yet, and life is meant to be lived. Humor is the best medicine...

Todd from tulsa Rn BSN L/D