Will I B EVERMORE???

Right now you are experiencing shame and guilt... This is normal. If you were not feeling guilty or remorseful for what has happened, then you would not be a good patient for recovery.. This is a VERY important step to recovery and I hope that you follow through and go to treatment. Whether it be inpatient or outpatient, you will begin to understand your disease and how to combat it. Simply put, it will never go away. And....

You will never be the same again. However, you might, eventually, become an even better nurse than you were before. You will have to work extra hard at work so that you will see yourself as equal to the other nurses.. in that process, you will slowly be showing the nurse manager that you are a wonderful asset to the nursing profession.

Once you work your hiney off and get through the peer assistance program in your state, you will have much respect of the nurses around you. They will see that the peer assistant program REALLY DOES WORK! And there is a good nurse in every nurse addict.. you just have to dig it out of them. lol

Be safe, and don't give up.

:confused:I have been an RN almost 3 years, but several months ago I was reported to the FL BON (for testing + for opiates). I have since contacted IPN and anxiously awaiting my evaluation with an addiction specialist. Although, I am totally comitted to doing whatever it takes to ensure this never happens again. I am losing faith that I will ever be where I once was...I had a pretty good job making GREAT money and respect of those around me. Now, I can't look anyone in the eyes because of my shame & guilt.

I am unsure of what lies ahead for me: financially, mentally, etc....Will I ever be able to become a productive member of the nursing field again?? Oh, how I do miss it so much.

hello,

I too am waiting to hear from the BON. In the previous summer I lost a job as a RN in a facility I loved. I probably would have retired from this place. I however got caught up with alcohol. I never went to work drunk but I was seen in a video placing an IV outside of the hospital and also drinking. I was fired when this video was placed on the internet by a "friend". I havent heard anything from the board yet, however, the Chief of Nursing at the hospital said she would be reporting me. It has been 6months and I live in fear that all I worked for will be ripped from my hands....what are your thoughts about my situation. I would think I would have heard from them by now. From this situation I have turned my life around, have given up alcohol all together and love my career even more today.

Thanks,

Ashlea

ashleaRN- Much like your situation it also took several months before I was notified by BON. My employer 1st gave me the opportunity to self report. Unfortunately, I did not heed their advise, with great regret and eventually I had and ESO placed on my license (and still do). Which prevents me from working as an RN...if I had it to do all over again........I would have taken my employers advise and definitely self reported. Hinesite is 20/20.

Thanks to all of you thus far who posted a response. I am a brand new member, although I have been watching everyone else from a distance for a while now. Not a creeper, I swear! I have just not had a lot of confidence to share my story/experiences until now. Thanks again

I thought my life was over when I was found unconscious while at work at the end of my shift. I figured I would be working in the paint department of Lowe's for the rest of my life (the job I got after putting my license on inactive status after self reporting....wasn't ready to let go of denial quite yet!). Then after I met the requirements of the BON and realized I wouldn't be able to work in critical care (our state has certain restrictions for the 5 years you are being monitored: no nights, no critical care), I was lost. I had no idea what to do. I ended up doing dialysis and liked it enough but it wasn't a very good fit for me. I HATED working 14 hour days (and my BON would have had a fit if they had found out I was working more than 12) and didn't enjoy the conveyor belt mentality that outpatient dialysis clinics seemed to have.

So here I am, almost a year after getting back my license and 4 years to go on my contract in a job I adore! This is where I belonged all along.....I love being able to talk to addicts and alcoholics all day long, even those are in such complete denial it's scary. I enjoy dealing with the sweet paranoid schizophrenics who have been off their meds for a few weeks and are completely lost. I love dealing with the bipolar moms who are also trying to figure out what it means to have an addiction problem to their benzos. I really, really enjoy where I work but I NEVER would have looked twice at a place like this coming out of school. I wanted to be where the blood, guts, and action took place. I wanted to be a trauma ICU nurse and enjoyed it for the first year. But then I started leaving way too much of me at work and not taking enough home for my kids, husband, and most of all, myself. It took over and I lost any boundaries I once had. I've learned to set them here at the psych clinic and some days are harder than others, but it's all a learning experience. And I'm reminded every single day what my options are if I choose to stray from the path of recovery. I see what my patients have lost and the struggles they face due to the hold their addiction has on them.

That job may not have been a very good fit for you and your Higher Power has something far greater in store for you. Use this time as a gift....more time to spend at meetings, being of service, etc. I know it doesn't pay the bills, but it pays your soul.

Well said!!!!!

Jack