What if I can't do this?!

Hello ODOZ:

I know when I was in my first trimester of nursing school ( a diploma program way back in the day:D) I was just about to head out the door when my mum called me: She developed lady partsl bleeding. I mean, BRB and it seemed to be gushing out! {The fact that my mum called to me, in retrospect meant a lot as I was raised Irish/American and I never saw my mum in her bra, for goodness sakes, until I was an adult. But, I digress}: I didn't know what to do, I mean, this was like my third week of school and we were still discussing "therapeutic communication" for goodness sakes. But something happened: I stepped up, stepped in and told my mum to raise her legs and I called 9-1-1.

I am not sure how I would have reacted if my mum was diagnosed or was living with a chronic disease that may cause her other kinds of complications and even her death while I was in the infancy of nursing school. And it saddens me to know that here you are about to enter a whole new (perhaps new for you) world of the Art and Science of Nursing and in the back of your mind is your mum and her health concerns. I certainly am not the one to say to you or to anyone, "Hey, try to put it out of your mind and concentrate on your studies" Most humans do not have that ability to turn off and on their emotions or their concerns at the drop of a hat.

My best advice: Be there for your mum; she and others in your family who know that you are "going to be a Nurse" will oftentimes call on you and ask you about their illness, their signs/symptoms, what medicine they were given, what medicine should they be taking....Don't be afraid to say (or think) OMG I don't think I can do this and don't be afraid to seek out knowledgeable others (such as older, more senior students, a trusted instructor/professor, the other students in your class) who may have gone through the very same type of situation you are going through.

When I was in my first year of the program I had my bags packed and was ready to go back home and quit the program (r/t my mum's health and my own feelings of inadequacy) on four separate occasions but thankfully I talked/cried/screamed out my frustrations to some of those "knowledgeable others" and stayed the course. That was 30+ years ago.

There is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt that I have kept and have leaned on: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"

I will keep both you and your mum in my thoughts.

Please keep us posted as to how you are doing, as well as your mum, okay?

athena

You'll build up to it. It won't be all gross stuff all of a sudden. When your seeing a photo of a condition some how at least to me it seems grosser than seeing it in person as in that case your dealing with the person as a whole.

you all are so helpful. and the fact that you said that it's more difficult b/c I'm not dealing with the whole person makes perfect sense.

I feel a little better now. I just feel like I have to be non-chalant. I don't mind fresh wounds, large amounts of blood, bodily fluids, compound fractures, no matter how mortal or difficult they are. But anything that's old automatically pushes my run-away auto vomit button.

When I saw the picture of the foot with a diabetic ulcer, I immediately thought of a friend of mine who used to be an RN. She can't tolerate any sort of bodily function whatsoever and I always wonder how she did it. She left nursing to run her husband's business for him when they got married. I just thought of her and told myself 'somehow she did it...if she could, anybody can.'

Just remember the pictures you see are often times worst case scenarios. What would be the point in publishing a picture of something run or the mill or minor (unless it is a comparison photo)? These pictures we find online or in texts are often accompanied with indepth patient histories and case studies so they have to be remarkable to be published. Also, the above poster who said its different when treating the whole patient is spot on. When you see the pain in that patient's eyes you forget about your own discomfort and your nursing nature takes over (that is why people say it is a calling to be a nurse).

My mom doesn't bother me at all. When I first got here, she has something called...I believe it's venus stasis? blood had pooled in her feet which then got infected and opened up and...the blood and infection coming out of her leg horrified me. But now it doesn't bother me at all. I only mentioned my mother's condition because it's kind of odd that I'd be looking up pictures of diabetic ulcers for fun. Just giving background as to why I was looking at that. My mom's situation doesn't bother me, emotionally or otherwise in the least.

As far as forgetting the feeling of dealing with the bed sores, looking back it wasn't bad after I had to pack it the first time. I guess I'm forgetting the initial feeling because it's over.

In any case, I panicked when I saw that, and it made me question my ability to be a nurse.

Because of all of you, I'm not doubting anymore. I really really appreciate your words. I expected that I had to have some kind of macabre love for dealing with these things. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Thank you so so much!

If I Can Do It, You Certainly Could. I Am In The Rn Bridge Now, It Was Trying, But Believe In Yourself And You Can Do It. I Promose