Tuesday March 11th 2025

Good morning.

Joe, I don't think I've recovered from setting the clocks forward.  Still a bit sluggish.

The workers came and finished the gutters yesterday and was happy about that.  It was only because they were rained out on a job in Sarasota so they came up here where the weather was better.  There is still work to be done and I sent a picture to the owner of the unfinished work and they are subcontracting someone to come today to finish it and then paint in two weeks.  I'll believe it when I see it as my confidence in them is a zero.

Having my annual physical this morning.  We really don't have much to discuss. We'll go over my labs which tanks to the portal I am aware of and they are pretty good.  She's already renewed my sleeping pill.  

Otherwise just some chores and it's "mop the floor Tuesday" which I may or may not do.  LOL

Although it feels like Saturday, I know it is only Toozdae. Nothing planned, but have to put my laundry in the dryer, and of course there are the omnipresent dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Wish it was Wednesday, so Nannie would be at daycare. "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." Nannie will ask if 'we' are going to go anywhere. Not if I can help it!!

I feel groggy; woke up at 8 AM, took my meds, and went back to sleep until noontime. Now it is 1 PM and you know what that means. Yes, I must get Nannie up and dressed and give her breakfast and her meds. UGH.

Guzzling coffee to see if it will boost my state of mind. Yesterday afternoon I was feeling rather disgruntled, so I took 1/2 a xanax, which helped me down off the ceiling. Fed us a good supper....ham, twice-baked stuffed potatoes and spinach. But this AM, the IBS-D decided to act up, so I took the Imodium with my AM pills.

If I could wake up a little more, I might take another 1/2 Xanax so I don't feel like a Screaming Mimi. Can't WAIT until the 24th, which is when Nannie starts at the new, closer Senior Daycare. That'll be M-W- and F, plus Chatty CG on Thursday afternoon. It just seems like I am always 'waiting' for something to improve this (voluntary) living situation. 

Sunny and 70 today. I am (sort of) trying to be thankful for the little things like I used to be, before I became smothered in care-giving and housework. Feel like part of the song by Alice Cooper, The Ballad of Dwight Frye, where he sings with increasing volume: "I've got to get out of here! Got to GET. OUT. OF. HERE!  OUT. OF. HERE!" I know I have options, but I have no $ and haven't got a clue where else I could go anyway. And like I keep saying, I am in Nannie's will to inherit the house and property, which, although it would be expensive to maintain, is about my only solid option right now. I suppose I should be more conscious of my blessings and just live day-by-day, and one-day-at-a-time. Still, it weighs on my mind. Maybe once the more daycare schedule time begins I will be able to emerge from these waters and take a deep breath of oxygen.

Yeah, I am tired of myself, but not in a dangerous way. Last time I felt like "doing myself in" was when I was 10 years old but couldn't think of HOW to do so at the time. But I really don't think more medicine is the answer for this depression, which I believe is almost totally situational. 

I seem to be set on REPEAT, RE-RUN, and Pfftt. "Sorry about that, Chief", as Maxwell Smart used to say all the time. And as the White Rabbit used to say, "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" so I better get Nannie up now.......

Stars, I can only imagine. I'm only around Gma a few hours a day that she is awake. Still the little things get to me... the sounds she makes while eating, licking her fingers, etc. I feel so little and mean when I feel that way. My escape is to leave the room, go do something in another room. And I'm a nurse! But compassion fatigue set in a while back. No, I really do feel compassion for her. I just ALSO feel really irritated at times.

Last night I did take Claritin before bed, and put plugs in my ears, and finally got a good night's sleep. Hoping to repeat that tonight.

Tweety, I'm hoping that your repair work is finished now... and if not, that it will be soon. What a drag.

Time to figure out what everyone's going to eat. Again. 

I have discovered a new side-effect of arthritis!   It goes like this: Anytime I get up off the sofa to do something for Nannie or the house (multiple-multiple-MULTIPLE times!), Nannie asks so sweetly and with such a Southern-Belle tone of voice: "Oh. honey, what's wrong?" Oh, pulleeeeeze! Gag me with a spoon! The word 'honey' is said as 'Huuuunnnie', and the word 'wrong' is said with a sing-song tone "w-RO-nnng?" 

About 20 times in 4 hours, I have answered:  "I am 75 years old. I HAVE ARTHRITIS". 

I'd wear it written on a t-shirt, but Nannie wouldn't notice. Jeehosophats. it is soooooo irritating and aggravating! I always say I know she can't help it because of her dementia, but maybe I should just start saying "NOTHING." because I am feeling sort of UGLY about it all being so repetitious.

 This last time I just waved my hand dismissively and said, "Never mind."

Time for deep breathing and 1/2 xanax.