Request for a deep personal caring relationship.

Several years ago I was working on a med-surg unit. One morning I came to work to find a new patient had been admitted to the private room the previous evening. After report I went in to introduce myself and we instantly clicked. The only way I can describe it is she was an old friend that I had just met. She had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and came in for a work-up. All that day and the next I would spend free moments talking with her. We talked about everything under the sun. The third day I came in to find she had been transferred to another floor. I didn't have time to visit her then but thought I would the next day. Unfortunately, when I came in I found out she had passed away during the night. I felt absolutely terrible. That afternoon her daughter made a trip in to the hospital to see me. She brought me a gift from her mother. It was an item that I had admired when she was a patient on my floor. She said her mother wanted me to have it. She also told me that her mother had been terrified of dying. Her mother told her that because of the time I had spent with her, she was no longer afraid. Her mother had died peacefully. Her daughter called me an Angel. I hadn't preached or done anything other than be a caring friend. I am still touched that my being there made that big of a difference in her life and death. I am sad that she will never really know what a big difference she made in mine.

Here's my account of Mary, an extraordinary patient and friend:

https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/mary-passed-away-22975.html?highlight=Mary+died

A couple of months ago, I had a wonderful opportunity to take care of a patient, who just that day, was given a death sentence. Cancer. It was terminal, had spread all over his body, even to his brain. He wouldn't speak, he was capable, he was just so angry. Not that he was mean to me, he was just distant. However, one time when I was walking by his room I heard him growling (not actually growling but talking fiercely to his wife). I kept walking, I was in the middle of a rushed moment. BUT first chance I got, about 1 hour later I went in the room, asked the patient how he was feeling. He asked for more morphine and brushed me away. As I was walking out the door, I motioned for the wife to follow me. She did. I got her outside the door, I hugged her. Hugged her tight. She cried, she held me, cried some more. Told me how he would NEVER raise his voice prior to now. How he would call her when she went home to her native country (guatamala) several times a day just to tell her he missed her, he loved her.

I cried with her, I told her that her husband may be having a personality change due to the cancer, or due to the recent discovery of total cancer like he had. In either case, it was important for her to hold onto the man he was. He loved her, and still does. I told him, what he needs now is someone to listen. If he won't talk, then please don't stop talking to him. Keep communications open. It's the most important thing.

She hugged me some more. I sent her back in to do her mission.

I came back a short time later, as I was walking past the room, I saw the wife sitting on the bed next to her husband, they were cuddling and whispering to each other. My shift was over, so I told them goodbye.

One full week later this same lady came up from behind me while I was finishing up some last minute meds for the shift. She tapped me on the shoulder, and in front of my co-workers as soon as I turned around, she hugged me. She wanted to tell me how much I had helped her and her husband.

Days later, a neice of the man (who went to school with me and was a year behind me) came up to me, she said, my uncle and his wife just love you. They ask for you all the time.

ANother thing, the same day I heard this, I was scheduled at the other end of the hall. I took time out of my day to stop in their room. She again hugged me. She was frightened and scared because she was going to be taking her very sick husband home the next day, and she didn't know what to do. I told her that's what hospice is there for, we talked for a few minutes hugged and I went on my way.

After I left the room, their nurse for the day stopped me and told me thank you. She said she was trying to think of a way to console them, to help them, and basically I did it for her.

I hope all this makes sense. I am tired and I had a tooth pulled tonight so I 'm a little scatterbrained with the pain meds.

Jen

I work in a NICU in Atlanta GA, and one night I came into work and was assigned to a 3 day old infant that had been dropped by her mother(yes our NICU takes outside admissions less than 2 months old, we are one of very few that do!). The Mom had fallen asleep while rocking the baby and the infant fell several feet to the floor, causing a large hematoma to the side of the head which was in turn creating intracranial pressure. I walked to the bed to introduce myself and the mom was looking down at her baby and before I could say anything she started telling me how she dropped her baby girl and how she was so precious and she was so scared she had injured her permanently. I looked at the Mom and told her " I did the same thing, I fell asleep holding my 2 week old daughter, she's 11 now". That Mother grabbed me and hugged me for what seemed like a really long time. I cried and she cried, for her baby and for what we both had done. This has never happened. I do not/ rather try to not get very close with families on a personal level, sometimes it just happens, and when it does it is for a reason. That baby girl suffered no permanent damage, but she was with us for a whille. I have her picture on my refridgerator right now and her Mom emails me every so often to tell me how she is doing

Vonnie

That Mother grabbed me and hugged me for what seemed like a really long time. I cried and she cried, for her baby and for what we both had done. This has never happened.

Vonnie, I'm slightly confused. The story that you dropped your baby never happened, and you just made it up on the spot to reassure this mother? Or it never happened that you got this close to a patient/family member?

The fact that I do not get personally involved with parents of my patient's. I did fall asleep and drop my daughter when she was in infant, and while she was not injured, I felt a tremendous amount of pain and guilt. Sorry for the confusion.Vonnie

Thank you so very much to those of you who helped me with this project.

I am so relieved to have this site to go to when I need info or help.

Thanks again, you guys are wonderful.

Amy