Anernurse2b

Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to use any of these terms in medical documentation. QA/QI and medical directors usually frown upon it. *Hyperlisteremia: *n. Condition in which unresponsive patient suffers from excessive amounts of ETOH on board in the form of mouth wash.*Bag-O-Meds:* n. Large plastic sack containing all of the meds a patient is currently taking or has taken in the past 10 years. Usually contains multiple prescriptions for the same medication from several doctors.*Paragod:* n. A paramedic who feels that they know everything there is to know about prehospital medicine and claim to be able to save any patient they contact.*Cell Phone Samaritan:* n. People who think they saw an accident as they drive by and call 9-1-1 to report it, but never stop to see if an accident actually happened or if an ambulance is necessary.*Famsycian:* n. Bystander (usually a family member on scene) who has determined the patient's condition prior to your arrival by consulting either the Time Life Home Medical Guide or WebMD.***EMT-P:* n. Expensive Medicare Taxi Provider*Paramadness:* n. Condition in which paramedics become delusional because they have been running without food, drink or restroom breaks for several hours, causing irritability and ill temperament.*Vitamin HEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!:* Street term for Narcan, inspired by the common side effect during drug administration when the patient bolts straight up on the stretcher and exclaims "HEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! What the #@%&! is going on?"*FACBP:* acronym. Fellow of the American College of Bystander Physicians.*HIPAAtitis:* n. Condition occurring when safeguarding PHI causes you to inflame your own liver!*Ejectstrication: *n. Self-extrication of driver or passenger of a vehicle that has been involved in a collision.*Ohmygod Squad:* n. A group of onlookers at any MVA, medical call or scene where anyone might be hurt. This group is usually in your way, making it virtually impossible to administer the proper care to your patient. Someone in this group will always walk up and ask you for information concerning the patient. Examples: "Who is it? What happened? Are they dead?"*Ecnalubma (ek na lub' ma):* n. A rescue vehicle that can only be seen in the rearview mirror.*W.N.L.:* acronym. Used to mean "Within Normal Limits," but after precepting and doing QA/QI with several providers in the past, now means "We Never Looked."*Proximity pain: *n. Discomfort that increases and is expressed more loudly as an EMT, triage nurse or doctor approaches, rapidly dies away as providers recede, and rapidly and loudly recurs when providers return. Rapid and effective relief is obtained when the patient can no longer see any medical personnel at all.T.A.B. Syndrome: n. A condition in which an EMTs bladder produces an urge to empty upon call tones (Tone Activated Bladder).*AAT (Advanced Accelerator Therapy):* n. That wonderful feeling of euphoria you get when you're screaming down the road with lights and sirens.*Acute Evaluation Syndrome: n.* Describes the condition of a patient sent to the hospital by a nursing home and the only reason given is "to be evaluated," usually for snoring respirations at 0300.*TVR: n.* Modified CPR administered on television shows . TVR is typically done using only the fingertips of one hand at a rate of 3 to 5 compressions per minute while an airway assistant squeezes only the bag during the repeated attempts to defibrillate asystole. (Note: The BVM must be attached to an unsecured ET tube.) Unlike CPR, TVR does not produce annoying deflection of the monitor's baseline. This keeps the viewer from wondering why on earth a doctor would shock a patient that wasn't flat line.*HONDA: acronym.* Hypertensive, Obese, Non-compliant, Diabetic Adult.*Cybershock: n.* A relatively common shock syndrome that effects EMS workers waiting on certification exam results. Usually occurs when checking NREMT website for exam results three times a day, every day, for two weeks, and the scores page actually appears. Depending on the result, the patient usually becomes catatonic momentarily, then erupts in either shouts of joy and elation, or moans of depression. Shouts of joy may be interrupted by wild gyrations, flailing of arms, and non-stop talking. This condition is usually benign and self-limiting; supportive care is all that is required. More importantly, massive supportive care is required for the patient that has a depressive form of this condition, as deep self-doubt may occur. Encouragement and friendly help with studying can do wonders. (See Mailbox-stalker shock.)*Manikin-American: n. *The politically correct term to refer to a dummy used for CPR practice.*Drama alert: n.* Any minor complaint that is exacerbated by numerous family members/friends believing it to be life-threatening (aka the infamous stubbed toe call). Usually results in having a hysterical patient on your hands.*Incarceritis: n*. Any complaint that mysteriously presents when the patient discovers they're about to be in custody.*Tachylordy: n*. A serious patient condition categorized by rapid (greater than 100 lordys/min) and repeated calls for intervention by a higher power. Can result in headache and shortness of breath. "Ohhhhh lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy." [Related: Bradylordy: n. A serious condition categorized by exceedingly slow (less than 40 lordys/min) and often loud calls for intervention by a higher power. "OHHHHHH looorrrrdddyy, looooorrrrrrddddyyyyy!!!!!!"]*Mister Gadget: n*. The EMT/paramedic/firefighter who just happens to own every piece of EMT/fire-related gadgetry available from Gall's catalogue. Mister Gadget can be beneficial in a multi-jurisdictional/multi-problematic event because he does possess all the equipment that would be necessary to run the Incident Command from his POV.*Justtookaclassitus (Just-took-a-class-i-tus): n*. A condition in which someone who has just taken a specialty class wants to implement everything from that class into his squad or department. Example: "Joe wants us to buy all new (expensive) Peds equipment, he must have caught JUSTOOKACLASSITUS in that PALS class.":rotfl: :rotfl:

One of the EMTs helping in triage typed "elevated billy rubin" on a 2 day old. Its been his nickname ever since!

Some new vocabulary here as well! Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to use any of these terms in medical documentation. QA/QI and medical directors usually frown upon it. *Hyperlisteremia: *n. Condition in which unresponsive patient suffers from excessive amounts of ETOH on board in the form of mouth wash.*Bag-O-Meds:* n. Large plastic sack containing all of the meds a patient is currently taking or has taken in the past 10 years. Usually contains multiple prescriptions for the same medication from several doctors.*Paragod:* n. A paramedic who feels that they know everything there is to know about prehospital medicine and claim to be able to save any patient they contact.*Cell Phone Samaritan:* n. People who think they saw an accident as they drive by and call 9-1-1 to report it, but never stop to see if an accident actually happened or if an ambulance is necessary.*Famsycian:* n. Bystander (usually a family member on scene) who has determined the patient's condition prior to your arrival by consulting either the Time Life Home Medical Guide or WebMD.***EMT-P:* n. Expensive Medicare Taxi Provider*Paramadness:* n. Condition in which paramedics become delusional because they have been running without food, drink or restroom breaks for several hours, causing irritability and ill temperament.*Vitamin HEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!:* Street term for Narcan, inspired by the common side effect during drug administration when the patient bolts straight up on the stretcher and exclaims "HEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! What the #@%&! is going on?"*FACBP:* acronym. Fellow of the American College of Bystander Physicians.*HIPAAtitis:* n. Condition occurring when safeguarding PHI causes you to inflame your own liver!*Ejectstrication: *n. Self-extrication of driver or passenger of a vehicle that has been involved in a collision.*Ohmygod Squad:* n. A group of onlookers at any MVA, medical call or scene where anyone might be hurt. This group is usually in your way, making it virtually impossible to administer the proper care to your patient. Someone in this group will always walk up and ask you for information concerning the patient. Examples: "Who is it? What happened? Are they dead?"*Ecnalubma (ek na lub' ma):* n. A rescue vehicle that can only be seen in the rearview mirror.*W.N.L.:* acronym. Used to mean "Within Normal Limits," but after precepting and doing QA/QI with several providers in the past, now means "We Never Looked."*Proximity pain: *n. Discomfort that increases and is expressed more loudly as an EMT, triage nurse or doctor approaches, rapidly dies away as providers recede, and rapidly and loudly recurs when providers return. Rapid and effective relief is obtained when the patient can no longer see any medical personnel at all.T.A.B. Syndrome: n. A condition in which an EMTs bladder produces an urge to empty upon call tones (Tone Activated Bladder).*AAT (Advanced Accelerator Therapy):* n. That wonderful feeling of euphoria you get when you're screaming down the road with lights and sirens.*Acute Evaluation Syndrome: n.* Describes the condition of a patient sent to the hospital by a nursing home and the only reason given is "to be evaluated," usually for snoring respirations at 0300.*TVR: n.* Modified CPR administered on television shows . TVR is typically done using only the fingertips of one hand at a rate of 3 to 5 compressions per minute while an airway assistant squeezes only the bag during the repeated attempts to defibrillate asystole. (Note: The BVM must be attached to an unsecured ET tube.) Unlike CPR, TVR does not produce annoying deflection of the monitor's baseline. This keeps the viewer from wondering why on earth a doctor would shock a patient that wasn't flat line.*HONDA: acronym.* Hypertensive, Obese, Non-compliant, Diabetic Adult.*Cybershock: n.* A relatively common shock syndrome that effects EMS workers waiting on certification exam results. Usually occurs when checking NREMT website for exam results three times a day, every day, for two weeks, and the scores page actually appears. Depending on the result, the patient usually becomes catatonic momentarily, then erupts in either shouts of joy and elation, or moans of depression. Shouts of joy may be interrupted by wild gyrations, flailing of arms, and non-stop talking. This condition is usually benign and self-limiting; supportive care is all that is required. More importantly, massive supportive care is required for the patient that has a depressive form of this condition, as deep self-doubt may occur. Encouragement and friendly help with studying can do wonders. (See Mailbox-stalker shock.)*Manikin-American: n. *The politically correct term to refer to a dummy used for CPR practice.*Drama alert: n.* Any minor complaint that is exacerbated by numerous family members/friends believing it to be life-threatening (aka the infamous stubbed toe call). Usually results in having a hysterical patient on your hands.*Incarceritis: n*. Any complaint that mysteriously presents when the patient discovers they're about to be in custody.*Tachylordy: n*. A serious patient condition categorized by rapid (greater than 100 lordys/min) and repeated calls for intervention by a higher power. Can result in headache and shortness of breath. "Ohhhhh lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy." [Related: Bradylordy: n. A serious condition categorized by exceedingly slow (less than 40 lordys/min) and often loud calls for intervention by a higher power. "OHHHHHH looorrrrdddyy, looooorrrrrrddddyyyyy!!!!!!"]*Mister Gadget: n*. The EMT/paramedic/firefighter who just happens to own every piece of EMT/fire-related gadgetry available from Gall's catalogue. Mister Gadget can be beneficial in a multi-jurisdictional/multi-problematic event because he does possess all the equipment that would be necessary to run the Incident Command from his POV.*Justtookaclassitus (Just-took-a-class-i-tus): n*. A condition in which someone who has just taken a specialty class wants to implement everything from that class into his squad or department. Example: "Joe wants us to buy all new (expensive) Peds equipment, he must have caught JUSTOOKACLASSITUS in that PALS class."

I actually overheard this at IHOP with my teenagers after my 3-11 shift: (Said patrons were, um, intoxicated) "Hey, man... my ex girlfriend hooked us up for Mardi Gras a few years ago with these catheters and leg bags - so we could drink and piss anytime. But you have to be really drunk to pull them out because they hurt like hell and you bleed alot". (Suspect the girlfriend inserted the foleys for them but forget to tell them they needed to empty the balloon that was keeping the cath in place... or maybe she did it on purpose because they ditched her during Mardi Gras!)

Not a good idea to 'forget' to tell the (ER) nurse that the funeral home picked up her patient while she was gone for a few minutes. Said nurse then walks into the room and emits a primoral scream when you sit up and throw back the sheet and yell 'surprise'..... :chuckle No, not a true story but it was OOOhh so tempting after one very, long, tension filled night....

Don't keep breaking your promise to help your 84 yr old widowed mom trim her hedges. When she takes the 'small' chain saw to 'touch up underneath so the dog can get to the fence' and the chain nicks said chain link fence, (it was loose anyway - the chain, that is), ricochets and slices open her scalp nad she has 27 or more staples (it just 'nicked' her!) - DON'T get mad at HER! Be thankful she's alive! (true story) Don't use gasoline to burn the trash 'cuz it burns quicker (wanted to burn it faster so he wouldn't get caught due to the BURN BAN due to our drought).... Don't put your hand in the disposal to get the spoon out while its still running Don't walk across the ER parking lot, smoking (a non-smoking campus), and right before the front door, stoop over and do the 'kidney stone' walk. (camera - DUH, lol). THEN don't be mad when we refuse you pain meds after you give us a urine specimen with blood on the outside from where you poked your finger... and then you ask another nurse for a bandaid..... Hey, don't you think we could have the longest running comedy series of just TRUE patient stories? Great new reality show!!

Get Out of My E. R. (although usually it is used lovingly for the elderly)

you know you're an ER nurse when: ... you get excited for patients that their wait time after triage is less than 4 hours.... ... the tooth to tattoo ratio exceeds the shoe size ... when the little old gomer w/brady (crash cart in room) says his ears are ringing, his chest feels funny, and is going to another world.... the MD, cardiac nurse, etc. rush in to prepare to intubate and begin pushing meds... the pt. draws up as if seizing... the team rolls him on his side and he vomits forcefully all over your ER TECH/NURSING STUDENT (ME). You're HAPPY because his heart rate comes back up, he regains consciousness and the cath lab team is at the doorway..... ..... You smile when the 'urinary retention' x 2 days patient provides a urine sample within 20 minutes ..... You roll your eyes when the 25 year old with 'flank pain' who you remembered went WMA yesterday after 2 hours of waiting comes back today and signs in with flank pain AND chest pain; turns to the person with her and says "Yesterday they took the lady with chest pain right back to a room so I know I'll get in faster" and she thinks you didn't hear her .... You're already telling these stories and not graduating from nursing school until MAY! :chuckle :rotfl:

There are actually 2 memory notebooks of nursing now. I use both extensively. I graduate in May. At 44, you are never to old to be a nurse.. right! I am not CTD yet!

We had a 3-4 day old brought into triage with jaundice. The pediatrician had the parents bring the child to be evaluated for elevated bilirubin. The EMT triaging wrote for chief complaint: "High Billy Rubin" Guess what his nick name was for a long, long time?

Those 'calls for information'.... one night shift employee actually had the guts to say this (had worked there 15+ years). Caller: "I have a _______ (fill in the blank - rash, lump, etc). Can you tell me what it is? Triage: "Why don't you hold the phone up to it so I can see it?" Caller: Silence. "Well, what do you think"? One wishes one could say "I'm sorry, my x-ray vision doesn't reach to your location". "Your webcam isn't reaching my PC". Another pet peeve: Having patients/family members go ballistic because the ambulance takes them to triage. "If I am in enough pain to call the ambulance (broken toe) I am urgent enough to have a room immediately!". "I thought coming by ambulance meant you automatically get a room!" (cough, congestion x 3 days) "I called the ambulance because when I called earlier you said there was a 4 hour waiting time. Why am I going to the waiting room?" "If I knew you weren't going to give me a room, I'd have saved my money and driven myself!" (DUH!!)

...You hear someone referring to "GOMER PYLE" and you do NOT think of the tv character, you think 'code brown'. ....you plan your days off around the full moon.

I would also like a copy of the 'list'. When I first started as a clerk in the ER 5 years ago, the slang by the medics/RNs was shocking to me as well. I graduate from nursing school in the spring, and agree with the postings... humor is the best. Amber, these are (usually) used tactfully and privately. If any of you remember the song "Alloutte"... we sang it as kids... well there is a new version: Intubation, rapid intubation Intubation, mechanical airway. FIrst you take a rubber hose Then you shove it down the nose O'er the tongue Towards the lung, OOOOO..... Intubation, mechanical ventilation Intubation, save a life today! (Unfortunately, I made that up after a shift with an unusually high quantity of intubations)

ART Assuming Room Temperature CTD Circling The Drain