Gratefully2years

@hppygr8ful and @cynical-RN my eating disorder started at 12 years old and yes my childhood was chaotic and abusive. Here in my opinion is the reason I still struggle and it’s the biggest reason I tell people in a young girls life that early treatment is critical, I did not get treatment for 5 years. So in those 5 years this became habit. In my 30 years of struggle the only thing that silenced that very loud voice was drugs. This is so common in eating disorders, substance abuse. I do not talk to people about my ED even if I am at a under weight cycle and people say something I am like oh yeah overworked and brush it off. I would love it if our coworkers and colleagues in nursing did not look down on any other nurse for any psychiatric illness just like we don’t look down on people with diabetes type 2 or hypertension clearly caused by lifestyle. what is interesting is one would think that women with eating disorders today would be helped by the shift with body image being larger and a BMI of say 20 being seen as skinny. It doesn’t because that is not the reason. My why boils down to wanting to be numb to my emotions and wanting to be invisible. So interesting now a BMI of 17 is seen as crazy thin whereas in the 90s that was seen as just thin. So yeah the whole I want to be thin due to society is not accurate in the majority of eating disorders.

The funny thing is that I was told to get treatment for my drug use and told Renfrew was not approved treatment for me. So I went to rehab and became sober but the Anorexia and Bulimia went untreated so once the drugs were removed guess what raged. But no problem to the board just so you are not using drugs. It took me four months post PNAP to post this cause I was pissed but scared. Do I blame anyone for my disorder nope my choice to starve; binge and purge, and over exercise to numb out since I was 13. But damn if your going to demand sober and clean with dual diagnosis look at the global picture of mental illness and provide treatment resources

Funny thing is my first year as a nurse I spiraled because I was out from under my parents roof in my own place. I went to the ER at the hospital I worked at weighing 82 pounds with a potassium of 1.8. They saved me from a heart attack but I was told to take a leave of absence by my boss. No disciplinary action just take a leave. She was the only boss I had that actually saw my ED for what it was a disorder that could cause me to pass out while caring for patients. I am better now not recovered but not underweight and my doctors have me on prescription potassium and magnesium.

So I am 100 days post PNAP. I watched the documentary Thin in which the patient (a nurse) tells the nurse that she is a nurse and took insulin from work to try to kill her self. She was not reported to the BON. So question diverting Insulin versus Morphin does the board not care that there are nurse with eating disorders that are diverting Insulin, Lasix, and Thyroid to be thin?

No they have on the website disciplinary action exists. The actual license I can print out says active only.

okay so I don't ever have to sign back in, I can enjoy a glass of whatever without freaking out as to the ingredients, I can eat what I want. I am a single mother the sole provider for my daughter. I went out with gusto to interview and rejected when asked about the gap in employment. So Here is my question if they do not specifically ask what happened or has your license undergone any disciplinary action should I just leave it be? I have to go agency at this point because of school and babysitters I cannot stick to a set schedule. Anyone know if agencies are less picky?

So now another dilemma with this job that I truly do love. I could go per diem and that would be fine. However a CNA at my current job and I were chatting and he mentioned he was 26 years clean was in NA and was a sponser. I shared with him my clean time about three weeks ago thinking here is someone in the program who I can work with. NO I find out he told other CNA's that I was an addict and then had the nerve to go online and search my license. He came in two nights ago and said congratulations. I was like for what and he said your license was cleared. I was like wait how the hell would you know that. Later that same night one of the other CNA's came up to me and said hey do you know Will said that you had a past history of addiction issues. I was stunned. I went home angry and pissed but most of all scared out of my mind that here is someone that could spread this truth but still malicious about me and have my co workers looking at me with suspicion. If anything went down the finger would be pointed at me. I have seen this crap happen with other nurses. So I am thinking of talking with my DON about this and letting her know that while I love love love working here I am not comfortable with this and see what her suggestion is. I have an interview today for home care. Crossing my fingers.

My contract is over I am a free woman. I am going to stay on weekends everyother.

So a little background. I am in a state monitoring program which is over in 3 days woohoo!!! I worked in case management for most of this time doing day work and sleeping during normal hours. However when Covid hit and my daughter was home I had to leave to get a job that would allow me to be home with her. Enter night shift. Past experience with night shift increased eating dosorder symptoms (anorexic/bulimic) increased depression increased anxiety and the list goes on and on. I then get a nasty Summer fall cold I think and call my boss to find out if my Covid-19 test from the previous week had come back. If I was negative I could just battle my way through. My test was never processed due to an error. I went then to get my own test and went to work to be told go home. No fever, just a dry cough and runny nose and sore throat. I left and went home to just pass out. I will begin interviewing for home care and doctors offices in about 2 weeks as a restriction in the program I am in is no working independently. Here is my question should I quit and live off of my savings and credit card or should I suck it up get better and head back next weekend. I am out the rest of the weekend because I am waiting for my Covid-19 test and was told even if it is negative I cannot come back in with cold symptoms. Oh right and I cannot take Dayquil at all because of the random testing can mistake dayquil for meth fun times.

RN90210 yeah I think we may have the same one LOL.

I will be honest I have heard horror stories regarding case managers in PNAP and the PHMP. Not sure how I got so so so lucky but my two are AMAZING almost would say at a friend/respect level. I think I am driving them nuts. I got a tattoo two days ago and emailed them to make sure that was okay and they were like yup then asked what I was getting. After 6 years with them I have never asked anything just knew I was doing everything right. Now 4 DAYS away I am paranoid as S!,%

So see the pic above that is Neg right? I am a basket case at this point.

Help me with this. I am 5 days from the end so OF course I am scared out of my mind for false positives. I have orders for Benedryl and had the worst allergy attack yesterday having me take Zyrtec and Benedryl. I got picked FINALLY option 6. Ran to my drug tests I bought online damn it if they will tell me it was a false positive. That faint line under the Benzos and TCA ( I am on Prozac) are still negative right?

6 days from My end date 09/15/2020. What happened how long did it take to be released? Will they mail me a letter? Is it going to be another month of waiting? Please let me know what is going ro happen

I work in LTC so of course I go to work not armed with any sanitary pads and the women I work with are well past this annoying monthly issue. And of course today was the day I cleaned my car. 12:00 am and oh no seriously. So I check the supply closet and there they are the incontinence pads we give our residents. I will say I am very glad I was not resorted to a brief. Note to self make sure all needs are in car when coming to work. It's going to be a night LOL. Thank God scrubs are loose and I am tiny LOL.