renne

I am in the early stages of recovery. I started monitoring program the end of feb. I was diverting pills from work...i actually said it. That has been so hard for me to admit i did that. I am such a compassionate and caring person and i cant believe i did that. But i am picking up my pieces, making my life right again. I also was buying hydrocodone online...so i took short term loans out to pay. All i cared about was being "happy" and i thought that was what these horrible pills did for me. Now...i lost my job and dont have an income and i am in a panic every day because the loan people are calling every day and i have no way of paying them back and i am scared to death i will go to jail..my mind goes in worse case senerios and then i find myself paralyzed with fear. I am putting out my resumes and have had one job interview which i was upfrnt and said i was in a monitoring program..have not heard back yet. I really need encouragement from everyone who has been through the havoc of life after addiction and what you did to come out the other side in one piece? I am really scared. Thank you for listening.

The one thing I want to say is...even though you feel alone, you are not!! Good for you for mustering up the energy to get all your paperwork in...that is the first step, and when things seems so hopeless and depression overcomes, I know how hard even the simplest tasks are. Just do what you have in front of you today. Maybe it is ice cream:) "Every journey begins with a single step", and be proud of yourself for doing that!

It seems so obvious now...I feel stupid. Yes, it all makes since, if it were that easy to go to another state we would all be employeed! I appreciate all your responses and honosty. I think, even if I were telling myself I was thinking "niavely", deep down I had to know it was too easy, which brings me to the qoute that was on the newsletter at my first monitoring meeting, "You either make yourself the victim of your life or the creator of your life. Most people spend more time and energy going around problems rather than in trying to solve them". Henry Ford....this is exactally what I was trying to do. Shame on me...

What a great support system! I am so overwhelmed right now. I just started a monitoring program this month. I do not have any disipline or restrictions on my licsence. My question is...i boarder two states. So i hold a current lic. With both states. Does anyone know if i would be able to practice in the state that i am not monitoring in? I am stuggling finding a job in my monitoring state bc i have to tell them i am being monitored. I am a bit confused about this and would love any advice. Thank u so much!

I am new here, I have been wanting to join for support and so glad I have. This is my first post. Congrats to you for hanging in there and having a positive attitude....this is a hard battle. I love being a nurse, love caring for others, and just recently refered myself to KNAP, which is a monitoring program in Kansas. I have had an ongoing battle with pills, and right now am very scared, and also thankful that God intervened just in the knick of time. I am so looking foward to hearing from you all and your stories, this helps so much as you all know. :)