sweetbunny

I used to be on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Remeron. I'm off all those now, and I read and exercise a lot instead. But I still have a glass of wine or two or Jack Daniels just to help me sleep almost every day and that doesn't even always work. I'm only 30 and I cannot imagine feeling like this for 30+ years until retirement.

sorry for all the crowded words and symbols, I didn't realize my post would be re-formatted about I typed it!

I just recently moved from NY to CA a few months ago andhave been having a hard time dealing with the transition. My wonderful boyfriendof several years decided last year that he wanted to move back home to CAbecause he missed his parents and friends. It was something that we talked about at length beforehand, so I knew this was coming. We continued to date long distance and fly back and forth to see eachother, but being apart for weeks on end was difficult. We want to eventually get married and start a family and so I made the big leap to join him this summer. I've never lived anywhere but NY and have spent my entirenursing career at the same hospital I've worked for the past 6 years. I left myjob as an Assistant Nurse Manager with a great salary, with a supportive bossand great co-workers to take this "adventure" - knowing full well that thiswould probably be one of the hardest things I've ever done. And so far it has. I cry just about every other day. I missmy parents. I don't really have any friends yet. I spend most of the day in thehouse on the couch. And I still haven't found a job even though I've beensending out applications for almost a month. I wake up in the middle of thenight worried about money and paying bills. I've been applying to jobs (education,research, case management, per diem, etc) but the only call backs I've receivedare for other Assistant Nurse Manager positions- which I don't want! Although Ilove the hospital and people where I came from, the responsibility and stressof it at all was just too much and am looking to get into a job that's lessclinical if possible. I know that I'm a responsible dependable worker but I amterrified about working somewhere new. I also doubt my skills as a nurse beingthat I'm no longer in my comfort zone and I feel like I'm starting from scratchall over again. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I just won't take anAssistant Nurse Manager position but I know that it's not something I'll trulybe happy doing. Confused patientsjumping out of bed + another patient about to code blue + being short staffed andthe ER sending more admissions + impatient/unrealistic family members blamingyou for something that happened 10 hours ago + doctors that don't ever want toreturn your calls.... I'm sure you get the point. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I cried hysterically the other week just thinking about going on an interview! I'm a mess!! I don't evenneed a job that pays as much as my last job, I just want to be happy and I'mafraid its never going to happen here

I've very rarely ever called out sick but I can relate to the effect that stress has on your mental health. As soon as I would look at my clock and see that it was almost time to go to work, I would get a sinking feeling of dread in my chest. And when I would get to work, my heart would start to race as soon as I walked into the building. I had a hard time enjoying my days off for fear that my job would call me, asking me to work overtime, tell me that I forgot to chart something... etc. Many of my RN friends are on some type of anxiety or depression medication. I truly love being a nurse but the stress and depression is just too much sometimes