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I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. Although I don't imagine you feel this way now, I hope eventually that you will arrive at a place where you won't feel always beset by the "what if I did this..." regrets, and appreciate yourself for how much support you offered your mother and how the rest of the work on her journey of recovery was for her and her clinicians to work on together. As you may know there are support groups for family members and friends of people who have committed suicide. I don't know where you live, but I bet you could locate one by either doing a websearch, calling a suicide prevention line, or contacting a local or national organization for depression or a professional association for counselors or psychologists in your state. Take good care of yourself in every way at this extremely difficult time. I did find the following websites which offer on-line support information and e-mail and/or postings/discussion board support for survivors of suicide by survivors of suicide (fam mems/friends, etc): http://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org (this has list also of support groups in some states) http://www.friendsandfamiliesofsuicide.com http://www.1000deaths.com http://www.suicidology.org/www.suicideddiscussionboard.com

Thanks, Jess, for the empathy. It's very much appreciated. I agree trying to find out how many people are on the waitlist for each track and where I am (they didn't mention which track I was waitlisted for, so I was assuming it was my first choice, ANP, but I should ask) on the list is a good idea. It's interesting also to start thinking about cost like you have been so skillfully doing and sharing with all of us, and time. MGH's per unit cost is I think lower than Vanderbilt's, but MGH's program is three years, w/no summer semester. Vanderbilt's runs through the summers and you actually finish in a little over 2 yrs (2 yrs and a summer I think - I have to go back and look) if you go straight through. Also, Nashville's cost of living is practically zippo, it's about $500/mo for an apartment per my research on rent.com, whereas in Boston, well you know, it's double from what I've seen, not to mention what I'm sure are the comparable other cost differences in living. So my CA savings/equity, and any loan money (if I can get alternative loans)would go farther at Vanderbilt. On the other hand, if I worked in Boston in the summers, I'd get valuable RN/floor nursing experience and actually make enough money to contribute to tuition. Whereas in Nashville, the salaries are so low that it wouldn't begin to help w/tuition, although it would w/food/rent, etc. Then there's the weather, which is much better in Nashville... Anyway, alot to think about, but I don't have to make any decisions right away like everyone else does. This is the upside of my situation! Thanks again for the concern and for being there/here (in this virtual world of ours) :)

Hi Smile, That will be my next move. I don't like to make any assumptions either. I was bright-siding it last night after the letter arrived. I plan to call them to check on this, but suspect some good news because they have both a rolling admissions policy and the offer to accepted candidates of deferring for one year after acceptance. I'm very aware from reading all the fine print on the other programs that this is definitely not the usual policy with these programs. If I CAN "defer" if no room opens up on the waitlist, it might work out well, because then I can apply to the West Coast schools I am also interested in but was too late in the year (or too slim on the prereqs) this past year to apply for, or didn't know about yet (UCSF-long shot, I know, among 4-5 others), and see if I get an offer on the West Coast to choose from. That would give me more time to sort out my feelings about possibly leaving the sig other, save up money (maybe my condo could appreciate more because I am destitute otherwise and have too many Staffords out already), maybe have a semester where I'm not going to school every hour I'm not working or needing to sleep, etc. I will also ask about the my number on the waitlist to see what I can find out. Great suggestions. I appreciate you (and everyone in this group) looking out for me/each other through this process.

Hey, Heather: Glad you finally got your lecture midterm back. To get an 80% on that particular instructor's midterm is no small achievement. Glad to hear you are still within easy reach of an A and so glad about the extra credit, too. I need it BAAAAD myself. Just got my muscle lab exam back and got a 78, about 5-7 points lower than I expected, but the 12 points from going to the 4 lectures will bring it to a 90, which is an A. I am having a visceral reaction to the upcoming see-loam and viscera exam on Friday. I am so unprepared it's not even funny. I worked 12.5 hours last Friday with no lunch break and didn't do anything but sleep, stare and then sleep again from Friday night to Sunday morning I was so exhausted from work/school last week, and I had planned to go to open lab on Saturday which I sorely needed to do. I'll be in open lab tomorrow (Tuesday evening) trying to make more sense out of the arteries/veins, see-loam and viscera in the cadavers and the heart in the prosections even though I'll be running on fumes by then. Knowing you, you've probably got it all memorized by now... Take it easy and good luck on Friday if I don't hear from you or see you until then.

Congrats to both of you. I haven't been around for a few days, and was just reading through the posts. How DO you do it? I don't even dream of 100% on anything when it comes to Anatomy... Anyway, you don't have to give me an answer. Just enjoy the feeling...

Well, my mailman FINALLY came through for me today, double... I got waitlisted at MGH. (I applied to the ANP track). I got waitlisted at Vanderbilt too, to the ANP track. I expected the waitlist at best after they told me by phone that they had already accepted all they had room for before they finished reviewing my app, which was sent in two months after their recommended date b/c I learned of their program late. Vanderbilt's letter though is very positive, "I am pleased to inform you that your application to the Adult Nurse Practitioner Program in the MSN program at Vandberilt U SON has been approved for full-time study." Then they go on to say their '05 class is full currently so they've put me on the wait list. Maybe that means that if no one gets off the wait list I wouldn't have to go through the whole rigamarole next year. Anyway both MGH and Vanderbilt say if openings occur they often don't occur until July, so to be ready to go at any moment. They don't ask for any money, but Vanderbilt wants a signed form stating I want to be on the waitlist and a promise that I'm finishing my prereqs. Both want me to send in/complete my financial aid forms. Anyway, thanks for hanging in there with me everyone. I am enjoying reading about everyone's decisions. I myself this past weekend found myself feeling ambivalent about leaving where I live. Spring has sprung here in Sonoma County, CA, flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, the redwoods are beautiful right outside my window, and I had a lovely time with my significant other, whom I would miss alot if I left. I do believe things happen for a reason, so whatever happens for this year, I'll be ok.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. What an emotional time... I am glad that she lived to hear and enjoy the success you have just had in being able to begin your new career during her last hours, and that you're going to be doing work that will be helping and healing people her age as a nurse. Whatever your belief system is, in some way, even if metaphorically, I hope it will seem like she is with you, enjoying/smiling at you while you are working towards and practicing as a nurse.

In addition to the other meds mentioned, Buspar, which is non-addictive like the benzodiapepenes Ativan/Lorazepam, Xanax/Alprazolam, Klonopin/Clonazepam, can be (useful as they are), is helpful in reducing "generalized anxiety." It is often recommended as a med that should be taken regularly, but I've seen it work as a prn as well. It doesn't make a person feel "high" or dramatically relaxed/sedated, rather works more subtley to reduce anxiety. Also, for longer-term anxiety, rather than going with benzodiazepenes, some of the SSRI antidepressants, such as Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, etc. are excellent for reducing anxiety and are prescribed for anxiety even in the absence of depression, although often both are present and it's hard to tell what came first. Naturally, her doctor will know what's best. I also agree that even if your mother is not interested in attending day care more than 2x/wk that other forms of social support/stimulation, such as a meal out with you, or a quiet interest/hobby at home, could be a distraction and offer some pleasure to her to distract from the anxiety and the bad memories which are now probably easily triggered by her Alzheimer's related dysfunction. Your mom is lucky to have such a concerned daughter who also has the skill of a nurse.

Thanks Max6well, Nothing came in the mail today, either. Monday will probably tell all. I called the post office today to see if there was any lingering mail to be had; I offered to come down and pick up anything that might not have made it into the letter carrier's bag, but hey said that everything comes in at 6AM and goes out w/the carriers. They said it usually takes 4 days from Boston to here, and it's been 4 days since Tuesday's postmark that Jess said was on her envelope from MGH. I appreciate your words of encouragement.

That is so great! I'm so happy for you PdxDreamer. You go out and celebrate this weekend! :Melody: :balloons: Gerontology, huh? So you want to change from working with children to working with older folks? Sounds like there's an interesting story in there somewhere...for another time when you're not jumping up and down with joy and excitement. (Seriously, I'm sure both age groups are wonderful to work with. ) (Still nothing here in the boonies of Northern California...maybe tomorrow)

I am so right there with you, PdxDreamer. I jumped on this website when I got home this evening after encountering my empty mailbox to check whether my fellow westcoaster had heard from MGH. I got an e-mail from them today (which I guess everyone got) stating that the letters have all gone out and we should contact them if we haven't gotten them by 3/18/05. Tomorrow or Saturday, I'm figuring. Jess said hers was postmarked Tuesday, if I remember correctly. You live in Portland, so that's a real city, if you're central and not just referring to yourself as in the Portland metro area and in the boonies. I actually AM in the boonies, about 1 hr from the central post office for my county, and my mail often is a bit delayed (I'm about 2.5 hours north of San Francisco in Sonoma County). Work is insane right now, for administrative reasons, and all I can think of right now is can I get through another day of it before I get to see whether that MGH letter is in the mail tomorrow?! :uhoh21:

Hi Gen, Yes, I did apply to an eastern school. But actually I'm originally from New York, and I have visited Boston, but I've been in California now for 18 years and really do love CA. But, to become an NP I'd make the change and there are always new adventures to be had and the Boston area does have a lot to offer. And it would be nice to already have a few contacts there (hint, hint) from this thread... I have no idea when my letter will come from MGH (for good or for ill), but today I am going to an infosession for Sonoma State's generic direct entry MSN program in Rohnert Park, CA after work. So at least I'll be distracted. I am really impressed that so far, all of the people on this thread who have applied to MGH and gotten letters from there have been accepted. What a fabulously talented bunch of people there are on this thread!

That's great, Max6well! I'm very happy for you. You must feel such relief to know you can go, in 181 days as you say to start this new career adventure. :balloons:

Congratulations to you, NP-to-be! It's great news that several people on our thread are getting in to MGH (not to mention others getting in to other schools). It seems like there's some momentum building up. I'm going to keep hanging in there. Enjoy your cedlebration.