billyburger

this is going to be long as you can see so don't read if you hate boring messages. hey i'm 13 and i think i have a problem. i'm overly sensitive i'll cry at almost anything except sad movies or something like that. i think it's because im partly very shy anywhere besides home idk why though. anyway my school posted this video of all the new seventh graders this yaer at teachertube and we had to intoduce ourselves. i told them i didnt want to be in it but they made me anyway. a few days later my 2 annoying brothers saw this and didn't no how shy i was because i was stuttering nd sweating and junk. so now they think its funny to pick on me. my oldest brother doesnt really make fun of me as much but he throws my stuff on the ground when i tell him to get out or has violent issues when i joke around. the younger brother thinks it's funny to make fun of me a lot. so he curses or brakes my stuff when he's angry at me to look tough(they both snicker a lot, i try to lock my doors from them, but now their using hanger egdes or bobby pins to open the door an bother me, stalkerish right?, and they s say they dont have problems). my dads goes away for weeks and stays only for abouttwo days(so were basicly spoiled brats, my youngest brother the most), and my mom has problems. our house is a living dump, not as bad as you think, but we've had rats, cockoroaches, ants, flys, ect.., all those problems are luckily gone though when our grandmother came to visit, she's really uptight about cleaniness so you'd imagine the money she paid to get rid of them, but she left a month agao.we dont go to church either. i know our family is really messed up. anyway back on the subject, my brothers think its funny to push me now, so they're literlly hurling me around. right now my oldest brother took money from my desk after opening the closed door with a bobby pin and threw it on th ground after running around the house with it and playing monkey in the middle with my brother(of course i was the monkey) eventually i caought the money under my foot, but then my stupid youngest brother pushed me down so i threw his ipod on the ground and ran to my room. luckily they didnt open the door, but their still cursing on me right now outside the door. i try to be mean and show them who's boss, but my mind just goes blank when they curse and i just repeat the same mean combat ive said. i dont like to curse because i know its not what god would want, but i still try to defend mysef. i pray every night for them, but i don't think their changing. their just so mean, i cry a lot as you can see i try to ignore them but they keep on saying or doing stuff just for a reaction. whenever my dad sees me cry he just doesnt say anything or talks to me about it until i stop and acts like nothing happened. my mom is usually sleeping so she doent care. i know i shouldn't fell sorry about myself or even type this to make others feel sorry, becaus e theirs people who have ten thousand times worse. im glad i still have parents, i would cry my heart out if anything happened. the only person i can think of whos really looking out for me is my grandmother, shes in florida, so i can rreally only call her. ive just noticed how much ive typed, i guess its from years of having a diary. anyway srry for going on about my life that is really messed up. im nt emo,fat, and i dont think i have wierd problems that are easily made fun of. my brothers just really put me down. grades are relly inportant to us. my oldest bro has all a's. my youngest bro has d's to b's. i have a's and b's. the only thing i think i can put down on my brother is his grades. it makes him really mad. thats the only thin g ive seen him cry about. but some part of me says not do it, you're a better person than him. anyway again, in conclusion of this long message, does anyone have any solutions to toughen up about youself and make that person stop being a jerk and realize i'm older than him and he hould have more respect. i wouldreally appreciate it, thanks. :) it feels sort of weird giving away all this info, but you guys nedd to no the back story, to deal with problems like this.